Don't know whether to break up for good or to try and make things right

[worthtrying]

I'm usually the type of person that never looks back after breaking up, but this situation is different, at least for me.

 

Back story - I've been with my boyfriend for nearly seven years. We've lived together for nearly that entire time, save a short breakup in 2008. Basically, we had a fight and broke off communication except for a few short phone calls about two weeks ago. I called him to breakup because I was done at that point. He agreed, saying that he doesn't think we have a future together.

 

He had some business to attend do during this period and came back on Sunday night. We were cordial, even friendly and I finally asked what was up with us today. He's on the same page, wanting to breakup and move out in a couple of months. I'm not so sure. Yes, it would be easy to make a clean break, but I think that I'm at fault. I called him and apologized while he was away and he said that we would talk later.

 

While we were talking today it seemed like he had second thoughts, saying that we should take a few days to think it over, but then he said that he was sure a few minutes later. I know that he is stressed and I'm just sad. We have children so the NC thing won't exactly work.

 

I'm hurt, he's hurt, but I think that we're making a rash decision. He says that he still loves me, but that he's tired of the back and forth. I want to respect his wishes, but I don't know if there's anything that I should do besides work on myself. We say that we love each other, but neither of us knows how to show it. I'm thinking about asking if he wants to go out, just so I can see if there's any spark. No kids, no bills, no drama - just us, our thoughts, dreams and desires. I think that this is the most hurt that he's ever been, and I feel terrible. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I know how he's been feeling all these years.

 

We have had ups and downs, but I just feel like this will make or break us. As of now, we're just talking. He doesn't really have a place to go, but I'm sure that he can figure something it. It will be financially taxing on us both, but maybe a break is a good thing. I just don't know.

 

Sorry that my story is a disjointed, rambling mess, but I tried to separate my ideas the best that I can right now.

[leoc1973]

Hey, I actually just posted about my situation. Your story sounds exactly like mine and my ex's. I am on the guy side tho. I mean even the length of the relationship and the short breakup in 2008. I am meeting my ex this week also. I am thinking of playing it like I am done with the relationship even tho I think I want her back. I was wondering if maybe he is just trying to play the whole game thing like I intend on doing. It sucks that this is how relationships are but she needs to think that she might lose me if she keeps keeping me waiting. It seems like he has read the same get your ex back advice as me when he told you he didn't know but then realized that wasn't in the "script" so had to tell you he was done. Just lay it all on the line. Tell him how you feel I know I wish my ex would just quit with the hard to get thing. And feel him out to see if maybe he was going by the book. You know him better than anyone probably so you can probably be the judge of what is really going on in his head. God I wish my ex would come to her senses like you did.

[worthtrying]

Thanks for responding Leoc1973. I think there are some similarities, but I'm not too sure about him reading any books and getting the idea that he should play any games. Actually, I just spoke with one of his relatives and he seems to think that he's afraid of how I'll react when we talk, hence his apprehensiveness about talking about the future. Its hard to think straight when your emotions are roaring.

 

He's dealing with a family member that is ill, but he acted irresponsibly. Instead of talking about it, I just hung up. That's what started this whole tailspin. I can react very intensely, so instead of yelling I thought that no communication was better. Unfortunately, I unwittingly abandoned him when he needed me the most.

 

To be honest with you, your ex's reaction will completely depend on her personality. I don't subscribe to the whole women act one way and men another line of thinking. Even though I'm a woman, I don't really respond to the same types of things that other women do - for the most part. I'd say that you should be honest with her, even if you say some things that you know will hurt her feelings. Sometimes people need to hear the truth about themselves, but you also have be prepared to get an earful about yourself. I'll give you a more detailed response in your thread