Is holding on too long during a break up normal or only something crazy people do?

[dline82]

This is long so I apologize. A couple months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me over texts messages, I tried calling her and she said she didn’t want to talk on the phone about it because it would make things worse. So I ended up questioning her through texts which was frustrating. The next day I texted her again and questioned some of the things she said and she responded and was understanding at first but eventually got mad and said it was over. Then she said she still wanted to be friends and loved how we supported each other. I eventually said, I’ll think about friends and starting writing up a letter to get all my thoughts out since I didn’t feel I expressed myself enough through texts. This girl meant a lot to me and we had a great relationship so I didn’t like how things ended. I waited a day and got her permission to send a big email questioning her reasons and trying to prove them wrong, after that she told me to leave her alone and she would message me when she was less angry. When I got her permission, I just said the email was really long and was just to show her all my thoughts on everything. Before I sent it, she even said we could hang out again so I was so confused at the time since I was such a mess. This all happen in the span of 4 days.

 

I sent one more email apologizing and texted her a few days later asking if we could forget the first email because I regretted it then. She responded with hostility but after we talked for a bit she said she would message me again when she felt I was over it. I hate being on bad terms with someone I really care about so I texted her again after 3 weeks. I asked if we could meet in person to make peace and be on good terms and this was her response:

 

“I don’t care about us at all anymore, you are really freaking me out with all your texts and you sent a second email, leave me alone! You are crazy and my friends said I would be crazy to meet with you. It was not worth being in a relationship with you since this break up is taking forever. You did not handle it like a normal person. You should have accepted it the first day, 2 days tops!”

 

So then I tried to explain I was just trying to be civil and not end on bad terms but she didn’t care so then I just asked for 150 bucks she owed me she said she was going to give back the night of the break up. Then she tried to make me feel guilty over the money saying that’s all I cared about and said she didn't owe me anything and would give it back when it was convenient for her. I finally lost my temper and said if the money never came back, I would tell her university about an assignment I helped her cheat on. I know, it was immature but I was so mad at the time, it was in the heat of the moment but regretted it almost instantly and then she said she was not going to give me the money until I signed a restraining order since I was blackmailing her. I then told her It was a bluff, and I had no intention of doing that. Eventually we agreed that she would send me a cheque, then she said if I ever bothered her again she was going right to the police and told me that she wouldn’t be surprised if I was going to affect her life in some way again which basically means she thinks I'm out for revenge I guess. Then she said peace crazy, I responded with just leave me alone and just give me the money back and then she said deal douchbag.

 

I thought demanding the money back would make me feel better but it made me feel worse. All I can say is the worse part about this was not losing her as a girlfriend, I had the chance to end on good terms but ruined that by not letting go soon enough so I take responsibility for the bad ending we had and feel very guilty about it. I wish I had known how important no contact is after the day of a break up and just taking time to figure things out. So when you hold on too long after a break up, not only do you lose the person, you lose your self-respect, you lose their respect, and if you lose your temper and do something immature out of anger whether you were provoked or not, you lose your values as well. Wow it would have been so much easier to just move on and accept the break up instantly. Is it normal for some people to make this mistake at least once in their life of holding on? This is the first time I ever went threw something like this and it sucks. I wish one day I could apologize for causing stress and ending things in such an immature way.

Edited June 28, 2011 by dline82

[usabup]

This is long so I apologize. A couple months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me over texts messages, I tried calling her and she said she didn’t want to talk on the phone about it because it would make things worse. So I ended up questioning her through texts which was frustrating. The next day I texted her again and questioned some of the things she said and she responded and was understanding at first but eventually got mad and said it was over. Then she said she still wanted to be friends and loved how we supported each other. I eventually said, I’ll think about friends and starting writing up a letter to get all my thoughts out since I didn’t feel I expressed myself enough through texts. This girl meant a lot to me and we had a great relationship so I didn’t like how things ended. I waited a day and got her permission to send a big email questioning her reasons and trying to prove them wrong, after that she told me to leave her alone and she would message me when she was less angry. When I got her permission, I just said the email was really long and was just to show her all my thoughts on everything. Before I sent it, she even said we could hang out again so I was so confused at the time since I was such a mess. This all happen in the span of 4 days.

 

I sent one more email apologizing and texted her a few days later asking if we could forget the first email because I regretted it then. She responded with hostility but after we talked for a bit she said she would message me again when she felt I was over it. I hate being on bad terms with someone I really care about so I texted her again after 3 weeks. I asked if we could meet in person to make peace and be on good terms and this was her response:

 

“I don’t care about us at all anymore, you are really freaking me out with all your texts and you sent a second email, leave me alone! You are crazy and my friends said I would be crazy to meet with you. It was not worth being in a relationship with you since this break up is taking forever. You did not handle it like a normal person. You should have accepted it the first day, 2 days tops!”

 

So then I tried to explain I was just trying to be civil and not end on bad terms but she didn’t care so then I just asked for 150 bucks she owed me she said she was going to give back the night of the break up. Then she tried to make me feel guilty over the money saying that’s all I cared about and said she didn't owe me anything and would give it back when it was convenient for her. I finally lost my temper and said if the money never came back, I would tell her university about an assignment I helped her cheat on. I know, it was immature but I was so mad at the time, it was in the heat of the moment but regretted it almost instantly and then she said she was not going to give me the money until I signed a restraining order since I was blackmailing her. I then told her It was a bluff, and I had no intention of doing that. Eventually we agreed that she would send me a cheque, then she said if I ever bothered her again she was going right to the police and told me that she wouldn’t be surprised if I was going to affect her life in some way again which basically means she thinks I'm out for revenge I guess. Then she said peace crazy, I responded with just leave me alone and just give me the money back and then she said deal douchbag.

 

I thought demanding the money back would make me feel better but it made me feel worse. All I can say is the worse part about this was not losing her as a girlfriend, I had the chance to end on good terms but ruined that by not letting go soon enough so I take responsibility for the bad ending we had and feel very guilty about it. I wish I had known how important no contact is after the day of a break up and just taking time to figure things out. So when you hold on too long after a break up, not only do you lose the person, you lose your self-respect, you lose their respect, and if you lose your temper and do something immature out of anger whether you were provoked or not, you lose your values as well. Wow it would have been so much easier to just move on and accept the break up instantly. Is it normal for some people to make this mistake at least once in their life of holding on? This is the first time I ever went threw something like this and it sucks. I wish one day I could apologize for causing stress and ending things in such an immature way.

 

Don't worry my friend, I did the same thing as I'm sure many other people have.

 

Listen, break ups are very difficult and its easy to make wrong choices when you are filled with emotion. I remember telling me ex things after the break up that make me cringe now! But you can't change the past. And I have learned that the more you try, the worse it becomes.

 

Don't beat yourself up man!

[dline82]

Its hard to believe how fast someone can turn against you because of something as simple as an email. I was completely shocked at the time and the ironic thing is I made things worse attempting to make things better by embarrassing myself contacting her a few times trying to take back what I said and apologizing. Break ups are so delicate, one wrong move giving into emotions and the person who dumped you will hate you forever. I wish I had learned this years ago...

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Is holding on too long during a break up normal or only something crazy people do?

 

 

 

We all become crazy to some extent after a break up, it's your choice if you want to keep being crazy or if you want to heal and move on.

[lillypad24]

You came off SUPER needy and desperate to keep her.... I'm not going to lie to you on that matter. In the end you kind of forced her to get really nasty with you to get you to leave her alone. I know it sucks but when a girl says leave them alone, you have to leave them alone no matter how much you want to make things right. Yes you def made it worse although she could have hanled it better too, she did go a little overboard in the end.

 

You cam redeem yourself by NOT messaging her

[dline82]

You came off SUPER needy and desperate to keep her.... I'm not going to lie to you on that matter. In the end you kind of forced her to get really nasty with you to get you to leave her alone. I know it sucks but when a girl says leave them alone, you have to leave them alone no matter how much you want to make things right. Yes you def made it worse although she could have hanled it better too, she did go a little overboard in the end.

 

You cam redeem yourself by NOT messaging her

 

 

I can see that now but the problem is, my judgement was so clouded at the time, I had no idea how bad I was coming off...

[Leftie88]

I def think most of us can relate, break ups are so emotionally draining we cant rationalise, we just act. It hurts a lot when they turn hostile especially. But you did what you thought you had to do at the time, and you can learn from it now and maintain NC and take care of yourself. You'll get there!

[Sugarkane]

Don't feel guilty she should've been hostile anyway and should've dumped you by text. I absolutely loathe it when people dump this way.

[andyg99]

Break ups are so delicate, one wrong move giving into emotions and the person who dumped you will hate you forever. QUOTE]

 

that's not true, most people know how hard it is to be dumped and eventually if the dumpee is being difficult the dumper needs to get mean sometimes... these things suck bigtime, eventually you'll get to the point where you don't even care whether this person likes you or not...

[dline82]

Don't feel guilty she should've been hostile anyway and should've dumped you by text. I absolutely loathe it when people dump this way.

 

 

I felt pretty disrespected being dumped through texts but I kind of let her get off scott free doing that by the way I reacted. This was my first serious relationship and I just totally acted on impulse and emotions during the break up. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just responded to her and simply said, I can't do a break up over texts, please give me a call if not, then I need some time to figure things out so I don't say something I regret...

[dline82]

Break ups are so delicate, one wrong move giving into emotions and the person who dumped you will hate you forever. QUOTE]

 

that's not true, most people know how hard it is to be dumped and eventually if the dumpee is being difficult the dumper needs to get mean sometimes... these things suck bigtime, eventually you'll get to the point where you don't even care whether this person likes you or not...

 

Its been 2 months and all I can think about it how I lost my dignity coming off needy and desperate. It feels like its going to take a long time for my dignity to come back. I would have felt a lot better now if we were both on good terms and respected each other. God I hate it when things end like this between couples, I can understand a bad ending if I betrayed her like if I cheated but no one really got betrayed in this instance so it just seems pointless...

[Sugarkane]

My ex aso brokeup with me in a similar way too. Trust me these people are complete cowards.

[Sugarkane]

You shouldn't of apologised to her. She should of brokeup with you properly in the first place and repectfully. Dumpers are fantastic in doing this, they love taking the easy way out.

[dline82]

The main thing here is, I didn't respect her space, it doesn't really matter that she broke up with me in texts. She told me to leave her alone and respect her space after I sent that email. I contacted her on 3 occassions after that so I can't blame her for thinking I was crazy, it just sucks because I couldn't swallow my pride at the time and I got angry at her after she got nasty and threatened her with something really immature and it makes me feel disgusted I would stoop to the level I did.