kristinaxo Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and it seems like the last few months have been spent doing nothing but explaining myself and justifying my decisions. Here's some back story: He and I are both in our twenties. We've been together since last June 2010. When we hit the 10 month mark, things got a little rocky. He took on a second job and we took a break because he said that he couldn't give me the attention I deserved. We got back together about 3 weeks later. We had a really long talk pretty much admitting to each other that we had sugar-coated every, single situation in the relationship, not wanting to hurt each other's feelings. We both agreed to be open and honest and truthful with each other and to work on the trust issues that have been a constant battle. A couple weeks later, the truth came out that he had sex with someone while we were apart. I was hurt that I didn't hear it from him, but I still forgave him. I promised him that we would work through it and that I would open myself up to trusting him. After that happened, I realized that there were some skeletons in my closet that I had sugar-coated in the past to make me look like a better person when I first met him. The skeletons: (1) I told him that I gave birth to a child and gave it up for adoption when I was 16 - the real story was that I carried to 10 weeks and had an abortion (please don't judge me) because I couldn't give the child everything it would have wanted. I regret that decision every day of my life. I didn't want to tell him before because I was afraid that he was going to hate me as much as the father of the child hated me when I did it. The second one (2)...I had a bad drug problem after a break-up with an ex-boyfriend. He was a drug dealer and got me heavily addicted and then we broke up. I told my current boyfriend that I went to rehab to quit my drug problem, when in all actuality, I did it cold turkey by myself. After I admitted to these lies, he has been on a constant rampage with me. I can understand why he would be mad, but it's almost like he's using those things as a reason to break up with me. He says that his trust is broken from me and that he doesn't want to give up, but he doesn't see how he's going to trust me. Even though I've owned up to my mistake and apologized profusely, he won't let the issue drop. He keeps bringing up past issues, as well, and I'm just at a loss as to what to do at this point. He can't find it in his heart to forgive me and give me a chance to earn his trust, even though I did the same for him when he lied to me. I really love him, but I'm not so sure that he feels the same all the time. I need help! What do I do?!? Should I keep trying to fight for his trust and attention and love? Or should I just break it up and chalk it up as a loss... Any and all experience/advice would be much appreciated!
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