brokenfaith Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Ok, long story short... my ex left me a month ago, citing he wasn't ready to settle down. We were together a year and since Feb. he was becoming depressed, very unhappy with his life, and unsure of many things. He dumped me and has rebounded with a married/separated coworker who dumped her husband about 2 weeks after my SO dumped me. He's bent over backward for this "friend" as he calls her, but it's all very sketchy because she's always been very forward with him and I never liked her. At the breakup, I assumed what he told me about not wanting to commit was true (he went through a divorce a year before we met and I was his first GF post divorce). I told him I was going to go NC to heal, and if I ever felt comfortable being friends, I'd let him know. I told him not to expect it to be soon as I was in love and thought he was the one. We both had a passionate, happy relationship and bond. He respected my NC wishes and never contacted me for 2 weeks. I was crappy at NC and was lurking on facebook to watch the married girl's page because I had a sneaking suspicion about her after her "married" status started fluctuating (though it's private, mostly) and what I could see of his (since he's not my friend anymore on there, I chose that) to piece things together. I read on a forum he posts on that he was spending lots of time with her and I started putting two and two together. I broke NC, went to his house unannounced to get my things back. I acted out of anger... and she was there. I kept my cool and told him I knew what was up. No tears, no pleading, no whining. I just said, "Hey... I know what's going on. Please give me my key, etc." Got my things, he denied the relationship with her... I left. He contacted me via email two days later to explain she was moving in because she had nowhere to live since hubby and her are splitting and her family won't support her. The email had other information, including him asking if it was OK if he came to MY FRIEND'S local concert in July. I wrote back a very short, nonchalant email to say he could come if he wanted (its a public place, afterall) but not to bring her. I told him his decision to let her live there was a poor one, but it's not my life and he can make his own choices. He said he was wanting to message me over the last couple weeks but was trying to give me space. I told him in my reply that he could contact me ONLY if he wasn't going to lead me on. Ie: if he wanted to talk about things. Several days goes by and he emailed a reply last Tues. Gave some more reasoning as to why he is so helpful to her. He asked about my new car, said he's looking for a new one as well. He was very conversational throughout the email. I replied ONLY to tell him to check out a local dealership that I had a good experience with. Nothing more. Just the name of the dealer. Said Good luck, and ended it at that. He also asked in the email what I've been up to. I didn't reply. He told me he had gone to visit family up North. I don't know why he's trying to tell me what HE'S been up to. (I found out last night, btw... that she went on the trip with him because someone saw on facebook that she took pics with his camera while they were there.) I thought I could handle the emails, but I feel the emails are making me start to delve into his profiles online and look for ANY indication she's not his gf. I know I need to initiate NC as far as not looking at the sites. I haven't today and I feel good saying so. My issue is... is it too late to go NC with him, especially if I DO get another email? I think he's deeply troubled and going through MAJOR issues right now. He's a classic GIGS case. I don't know if I want him back or not one day. it's too early for that. However, just two weeks ago I said..."Hey, you can contact me just don't lead me on." and "If you come to the concert, fine, but please don't bring her." If he contacts me, do I just stay NC... or do I tell him not to contact me unless he wants to reconcile? I don't want to be friendzoned or given breadcrumbs. It's a relationship or nothing for me. And certainly nothing as far as this woman is living there. However, do I look flaky because I'm all the sudden changing my mind again? How do I approach it if I'm not ready to be chatty and friendly? And how do I deal with him if he DOES come to this event in July? I'm still hurt from what seems to be his lying and BS about the whole breakup... HELPPPP!
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