I'm the perfect example of why you shouldn't break no contact

[Kristie16]

My boyfriend of a year broke up with me in April. We were really rocky near the end and I ended things first and we got back together and then things ended for good when he ended things. We were long distance at the time and he broke up with me on his bday, when I was planning to come back and celebrate. After a week of trying to be "friends" despite the break up, I couldn't take it anymore. I deleted his number, blocked him on facebook, gchat, etc. We have mutual friends and I sometimes asked about him (although I know I shouldn't), but otherwise cut him off and tried to move on.

 

I'm in the process of moving out of state for a job and because things kind of ended abruptly and I basically shut him out, I wanted to clear the air. Plus, we are going to be attending a mutual friends wedding at the end of the month and I wanted to try to get some of the awkwardness out of the way. I definitely was not over him at all, but wasn't trying to get him back either.

 

I emailed him telling him I was moving soon and wondering if he would want to meet up when I was back in town (I was traveling at the time). I was super nervous he was just going to blow me off after I'd put myself out there. But he didn't. Within five minutes he responded to my email. He said he would love to meet up with me and asked if the move meant I wouldn't be at the wedding. He said he hoped everything had been going well for me and to just let him know when I was free. He gave me his number again. I thought I was going to only have a small window of opportunity before I had to move to meet up. (That has since changed but he doesn't know that.) His sweet and eager response got me emotionally invested again, unfortunately, and I found myself pining after him again and thinking about all the good times (and none of the bad).

 

On Sunday, when I was coming back into town and about five days after the initial email, I text him to see if he was free the next night. His response? "Eh, I'm working all day until Tuesday."

 

First off, I know he's not working ALL day. He has to have at least an hour, and at this point, he's working under the assumption that I'm only in town for a few days before moving. I was just upset that he didn't offer another day or anything. His response just seemed to say he could care less. I text back, saying OK. I'm pretty busy the next few days and maybe we can try again later on the week. I wished him a good night.

 

I'm not going to reach out, though. I've opened the lines of communication (before I was emotionally ready but it is what it is). If he wants to reach out, he can text or call me. I'm just so upset because I feel like I put myself out there AGAIN and he walked all over me. It's so crazy how a year when we were dating, he would drop everything for me. Now, it seems like he could care less about me. It's a rude awakening.

 

I've talked with friends about it (Including a mutual friend who recently saw him for the first time since the break up) and they all think that I'm reading too much into it. He was probably at work and didn't have a lot of time to text. I don't think he was purposely trying to be aloof or come across like he didn't care, but he still did come across that way. It still seems like he's not that interested since we are no longer together. I guess I'm feeling like the respect isn't there anymore since we are no longer dating, which I dont understand.

[Chi townD]

Well, at least you admit that it's a rude awakening. You're right. You're not together anymore so he isn't going to drop everything for you anymore. My question for you is; because you're leaving the state, did you just want to see him one last time, knowing that this (or the wedding) will probably be the last time you ever see him again? Are you looking to see if anything was still there?

[Kristie16]

Well, let me clarify and say I didn't expect him to drop everything for me. But after the initial email where he basically said let me know when you are free and we'll meet up, and working on a short time frame, I expected him to be willing to work to make sure it happened. I guess I envisioned him saying that if he wasn't free on the night I was, he would make more of an effort to see when we could both be free and meet up. He didn't do that. That's what hurts. It seems like he really doesn't necessarily care if we see each other again or not. I will be at the wedding, but he also doesn't know that (he said we could discuss when we meet up). So for all intents and purposes and for all he knows, this is the last time he could see me in person for a while. But then again, he didn't even break up with me in person so I think he's just totally over the relationship, which I understand. But Like I said earlier, it's kind of the respect thing. It's just so not there anymore, which is really hurtful.

 

Initially I wanted to just meet up to ease some of the awkwardness we would feel at the wedding, to catch up and to kind of have closure. But when he responded in a sweet matter I started missing him. I guess I did have some thoughts of things reconnecting, but he also is very upfront that he doesn't do long distance and I know the relationship has run its course. Even if something was there — which i think there would at least definitely be the attraction on both sides — I knew nothing could come of it. The good thing about how things have played out is it looks like I won't even have to fight temptation or anything.

[LovelyDaze]

Most of us here have been through similar pain where our exes gave us high hopes only to dismiss them like it was of no concern to them. The terrible fact is that yes, it is of no concern to them.

 

Go back to NC and keep it there. Teach him and yourself that you are worthy of great respect, kindness, and care.