PrissyCilla Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 My fiance wants to lie about the way that we met. I really don't feel comfortable with it. We met online when we were in our teens in a chat room. I think the main reason he wants to lie is because he is a really cocky popular type of guy. And i think most people believe that online dating is for ugly people. He has said more then once that if his brothers and friends found out they would never let him live it down. And his parents would automatically shun our relationship. But if we are going to get married i don't think we should lie to all of our loved ones. And my parents dissaprove of me marrying a man i have been with for less than a year. But if they knew how long we had really been friends before that they might understand. We are both good looking people so i don't see the problem. Do you think i should lie with him?
TheCoolest Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Well i see where he is coming from. I certainly would never admit that i met a girl in a chatroom. But do what you feel is right. Lying probably won't be all that serious.
utterer of lies Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Do you think i should lie with him? Yes. But you should not lie for him.
vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 We are both good looking people so i don't see the problem. WTF does that mean? If he was really proud of you and what the two of you had then he wouldn't have to lie about how he met you. He obviously puts what his friends think of him before you and what you're comfortable with. I would tell him that you're not ashamed of anything so there's no need to lie.
Author PrissyCilla Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 WTF does that mean? If he was really proud of you and what the two of you had then he wouldn't have to lie about how he met you. He obviously puts what his friends think of him before you and what you're comfortable with. I would tell him that you're not ashamed of anything so there's no need to lie. It means that we are good looking. What did you think it meant? And just because he doesn't want his friends to know how we met doesn't mean that he isn't proud of me.
vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 It means that we are good looking. What did you think it meant? And just because he doesn't want his friends to know how we met doesn't mean that he isn't proud of me. I'm good looking too. Glad that's out for everyone to understand. I meant - are you in the mindset that because you think you're good looking that somehow means you're immune to being looked at as pathetic people for meeting online? If so - the guy shouldn't be so ashamed of it - because you're both good looking. I personally think his wanting to lie is a sign of his immaturity and lack of dignity and pride in the relationship itself. Especially if you've communicated to him that the lie is something that makes you uncomfortable. I've learned this through the years though. I'm 28 now. I'm sure at the age of 20 I would have a different outlook though.
oaks Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 We met online when we were in our teens in a chat room. People have been doing this for years. Really. Tell him to get over himself.
rafallus Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I agree, he's making a storm in a teacup. If his friends will care about such stuff, they are douchebags worth dropping.
thatone Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 WTF does that mean? that she is as shallow as he is? lol, can't help but notice the obvious.
vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 that she is as shallow as he is? lol, can't help but notice the obvious. Yea - that's all I can gather.
alexlakeman Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Big deal; it's no biggie. Its not a "lie" just a white lie on how you met; big deal. I CERTAINLY do NOT tell certain friends, family, colleagues I am dating online. Last g/f long term we met online and I didn't share the way we met with everyone, she understood and went with it; it's a minor detail and not a major lie. He's not telling you to lie about your career, you education, your pedigree, etc.. Go with the flow, give the guy a break.
Andy_K Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Speaks volumes about the real confidence of the apparently cocky popular guy that he's afraid of looking sad if he tells people he met someone on the internet. A truly confident and secure guy will walk his own path, no matter what his friends and family think. So tell him to man the hell up and get over it.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Speaks volumes about the real confidence of the apparently cocky popular guy that he's afraid of looking sad if he tells people he met someone on the internet. A truly confident and secure guy will walk his own path, no matter what his friends and family think. So tell him to man the hell up and get over it. I second this. Even you say you're uncomfortable with the lie. Who knows what else this guy tells his friends to maintain his image. I'm not saying get rid of the guy - but telling him to get over himself is probably necessary.
oaks Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 In addition to my earlier post, the alternative when asked "where did you meet?" is to describe the place where you met in person. That way it isn't a complete fiction and it stands up to some scrutiny since you have real memories of actually being there to talk about and so you're likely to be consistent with the story over time. Is it a lie? Well, it is where you actually met, but there's also an omission. You'll have to decide that for yourself, because you won't get consensus here! I bet loads of people end up describing their second date as 'where they met' because saying "she was grinding her ass into my groin and then we just ended up face-sucking in a sweaty nightclub after too much vodka" doesn't sit as well with the parents as "I met her in a coffee shop and we had a nice chat over a latte and a slice of cake."
Eclypse Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I think the bigger concern is that they met as teens and are getting married after "knowing each other less than a year."
Author PrissyCilla Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I think the bigger concern is that they met as teens and are getting married after "knowing each other less than a year." We have lived in the same state for less than a year. We have known each other for more than 6 years. I'm not too worried about it. And to all the people who are talking crap seriously? I didn't ask you what you thought of my fiance. I didn't ask if you thought we were shallow. I don't care what you think. All humans are shallow. Would you date someone who was 500 pounds? No? Then you are shallow. And it doesn't matter what he or I think it is a known fact that online dating is thought to be for desperate people.
oaks Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 We have lived in the same state for less than a year. We have known each other for more than 6 years. I'm not too worried about it. And to all the people who are talking crap seriously? I didn't ask you what you thought of my fiance. I didn't ask if you thought we were shallow. I don't care what you think. All humans are shallow. Would you date someone who was 500 pounds? No? Then you are shallow. And it doesn't matter what he or I think it is a known fact that online dating is thought to be for desperate people. I think that's just what shallow people think.
Author PrissyCilla Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I think that's just what shallow people think. Well most of the world is shallow...
oaks Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Well most of the world is shallow... So if you lie you'll be doing it to placate shallow people. I'm sure that's really important to you.
Author PrissyCilla Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 So if you lie you'll be doing it to placate shallow people. I'm sure that's really important to you. I'm shallow too. Get over it.
oaks Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm shallow too. Get over it. Will telling a lie make you happier? Go for it.
Andy_K Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm plenty shallow at times. I wouldn't date a 300lb woman for a start. But I have no issues with saying I met someone on the internet. It's pretty common these days. Plus I'm not insecure...
vsmini Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm plenty shallow at times. I wouldn't date a 300lb woman for a start. But I have no issues with saying I met someone on the internet. It's pretty common these days. Plus I'm not insecure... Bingo - this girl sounds very immature and insecure. Now she's defending this guy and getting upset because she's not getting the answers she wants. Should you lie? NO - you shouldn't. You also shouldn't get married because you sound like you're 16 and with a guy that acts like a dbag
rafallus Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) If he's making such a big storm over this, he will make an even bigger storm about more significant things. Problem is he considers it significant issue. I'm plenty shallow at times. I wouldn't date a 300lb woman for a start.300lb woman is in a medical condition - it's not just shallowness. And it doesn't matter what he or I think it is a known fact that online dating is thought to be for desperate people.How is it even a fact in a first place? It's an opinion. And pretty retarded one - even though I don't do it myself. Edited June 30, 2011 by rafallus
Author PrissyCilla Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Bingo - this girl sounds very immature and insecure. Now she's defending this guy and getting upset because she's not getting the answers she wants. Should you lie? NO - you shouldn't. You also shouldn't get married because you sound like you're 16 and with a guy that acts like a dbag And you sound bitter. Everyone has there own opinion. I'm not getting upset and i'm not defending anyone. In fact i disagree with him. Problem is he considers it significant issue. 300lb woman is in a medical condition - it's not just shallowness. How is it even a fact in a first place? It's an opinion. And pretty retarded one - even though I don't do it myself. My exact words were: it is a fact that people think online dating is for desperate people. If two people think that does it not make it a fact? I think that is how a majority of the world feels.
Recommended Posts