Cantcope Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 What is he doing?? Long story short....2.5 year relationship. He broke up with me 6 weeks ago because we bicker a lot. Limited contact since, sometimes sweet, sometimes horrible. Yesterday, he sends me this: "Another day in misery, another day in pain, another day pretending to be happy in vain, another day, another night, waking up from nightmares in fright, what the **** happened to us, My heart was hit by a ****ing bus, will this feeling ever end? Will you ever be my friend? Will we ever work it out, in my car when I can shout, is when I can release my strife, for a second, now back to faux life." What is he doing? He still hasn't said one thing about getting back together. Get's furious if he hears that I'm meeting other guys. Please....what are these mixed signals???
OhMittens Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Seems like he is keeping you around just in case. I would delete the message and ignore the games he is playing.
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 agreed. in case his new interest doesnt work out, he will have you in the background.
Author Cantcope Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 So, not at all possible that he does want to get back, but his pride is stopping him from actually saying it and manning up?
lunita Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Looks like he may wonder if there is a chance to get back and is putting out feelers because yeah, it's much easier than manning up and getting rejected.
flitzanu Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 how many girls has he been dating since he dumped you?
2sunny Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 sounds like he's pasting a poem and using it to manipulate you.
Author Cantcope Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 He hasn't been with anyone since we broke up. I can only say that I know for certain because he lives next door and is always home, alone and we work together. I basically see him constantly. We also have several friends in common, and they would certainly let me know. It's just a mind f*ck. I finally asked him if this means he wants to reconcile. He told me that I would first have to go into counseling, be truthful with my counselor that everythng was my fault, get help for my anger and rage problems (when we fight, I yell and curse) and I need to work hard to be his friend. After all of that, we can THINK about seeing if we could have a relationship. How about this douche? How about if I just meet someone new that doesn't want me to change everything about myself and can appreciate what I have to offer. He can go f*ck a goat.
Treasa Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 He hasn't been with anyone since we broke up. I can only say that I know for certain because he lives next door and is always home, alone and we work together. I basically see him constantly. We also have several friends in common, and they would certainly let me know. It's just a mind f*ck. I finally asked him if this means he wants to reconcile. He told me that I would first have to go into counseling, be truthful with my counselor that everythng was my fault, get help for my anger and rage problems (when we fight, I yell and curse) and I need to work hard to be his friend. After all of that, we can THINK about seeing if we could have a relationship. How about this douche? How about if I just meet someone new that doesn't want me to change everything about myself and can appreciate what I have to offer. He can go f*ck a goat. Poor goat, but aside from that I agree with you completely. Ignore him and move on. Maybe he can THINK about shoving his proposal up his a$$. That everything was YOUR fault? F that. He can go F himself.
iceweasel6 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 He hasn't been with anyone since we broke up. I can only say that I know for certain because he lives next door and is always home, alone and we work together. I basically see him constantly. We also have several friends in common, and they would certainly let me know. It's just a mind f*ck. I finally asked him if this means he wants to reconcile. He told me that I would first have to go into counseling, be truthful with my counselor that everythng was my fault, get help for my anger and rage problems (when we fight, I yell and curse) and I need to work hard to be his friend. After all of that, we can THINK about seeing if we could have a relationship. How about this douche? How about if I just meet someone new that doesn't want me to change everything about myself and can appreciate what I have to offer. He can go f*ck a goat. While I disagree with him about admitting everything was your fault - i think thats immature (placing blame - instead of looking for solutions). However, here is some food for thought - I don't know you, and my impression of you, based on your post is that in person you must have a serious potty mouth and may easily flip off the handle at any give moment - see statement of copulating with a goat. So I agree with him on getting help for your anger and rage. It only improves you as a person. I don't believe that you think that someone is out there who accepts yelling and cursing as something precious you have to offer. Lastly, if you do wish to reconcile - which I have a feeling you are on the fence about, at this juncture I would advise against it. He's still hurting like crazy (I have no idea what you said to him, but im sure his ears are still ringing from the yelling, and his heart is bruised from the cursing), it's obvious, he's in no condition to reconcile either. He may be in the mindset of making you hurt like he is hurting. It's what hurt people do. However, to set yourselves up for success instead of failure, acquire skills that allow you converse without yelling, and expand your vocabulary to accurately convey the emotions your feeling at the time. My mentor once told me, that the reason why people curse is because they lack the breadth of vocabulary that accurately encapsulates their thoughts at the given time. I heard that and it literally changed the way I use four letter words overnight. That's not to say I don't curse - there is a time and place for it - but during relationships, especially during a heated conversation - it's the worst thing you can do. All the best.
Author Cantcope Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Thanks for that. It really makes sense. I do have a short fuse and I do say things in the heat of the moment, such as "drop dead", etc. He, however, is just as guilty, with statements such as "I know you're dating, have fun slutting it up" and "You're only dating right now becasue you are completely dependant and have to have a man to feel self-worth". We both say things that hurt eachother, regardless of the 4 letter words. I know that I need serious work, and I've admitted it to him and to myself. I fly off the handle, as does he. I know that when I'm ready to burst, the best thing to do is walk away, think about what I would like to say for awhile and carefully and calmly address the issue. He never seems to think that he has any issues and doesn't need to change a thing.
iceweasel6 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Here's an idea. You set the tone! If you all are still communicating - you need to make a pact to not speak to each other in a demeaning manner. Let him know you are going to / or have sought help with your issues. Don't mention what he needs to do - that's just pointing fingers. Focus on you, and make yourself the best you that you possibly can. As you have mentioned, he probably does have issues, it does take two to argue. It's obvious that he will also have to seek some help, as his behavior is less than appropriate and not conducive to forming a healthy stable relationship.
Author Cantcope Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Thanks. My thought is though, he doesn't want help, he doesn't think he needs it. It's too difficult for him to admit to himself that he's to blame as well. I am focusing on myself, while all he seems to want is pity.
iceweasel6 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Thanks. My thought is though, he doesn't want help, he doesn't think he needs it. It's too difficult for him to admit to himself that he's to blame as well. I am focusing on myself, while all he seems to want is pity. It's ok if he desires pitty. Don't give him any. Don't feed his pitty monster or water his pride flower. I like the attitude of focusing on you and changing you for the better. If he steps up his game and changes his attitude....fine. If he doesn't, no loss to you. Keep moving forward. And I agree with everyone else, don't even respond to the messages. You can read most of my responses to posters on this board, I am 100% about transparency and honesty. I believe that people make themselves vulnerable for the things they want/love. If they want a relationship they come out and say it. If they are hurt they say they are hurt and they say why. They make themselves open to pain, because they have the strength within them to move forward even if the other person hurts them in that moment of vulnerability when they are baring their heart on their sleeves. Being manipulative, vague, unclear, unsure, indecisive, noncommittal is a sign to you that he's still not growing up. Anything less than direct should be met with a response of silence.
Author Cantcope Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I'm really glad that you said that. I've been really down on myself for being VERY upfront with him about my feelings and the desire to reconcile. I have felt as though I should have kept that to myself, especially this last time. He knows what I want, I know what I want. It's up to him to decide what HE wants and make it happen. Really, thank you!
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