jdubs Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) Okay guys (and girls), first off, I just want to thank everyone that contributes to this board. I have been lurking around LS for about 3 weeks, and the wealth of information, willingness to help, and basic compassion is really quite unique. I hope you guys can give me some helpful advice. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago after dating for 2.5 years. She is 22, just graduated from school and moved home (~ 1 hr away not LDR), and I am 21 just finishing up my last year here. So, June 1st is her birthday -- I drive up there for her dinner and give her a gift and wake up at 6:30am to make it back to summer classes the next morning. Well, after classes she gives me the call.... After two and a half years she decides over the phone is the best way to "take a break." She went on and on about how confused she was, that she didn't want to see anyone else, and just needed space to figure stuff out. I said sure, but since she could not give me any details or solid reasons as to why she wanted a break, I suggest we break up. She basically made me dump myself. This "isn't what [she] wants" but she agreed that it was for the best. So, I am stuck taking care of her dog for the summer while she finds somewhere to live in the city -- I got tired of that after a week and a half when I realized she was already dating someone else. In fact, she started dating him almost simultaneously as the break-up. Ouch, that hurt pretty bad -- especially considering she led me on to believe otherwise. All these points seem to lead to the conclusion of a classic case of GIGS, right? Well, even though all her actions point to her moving on, the girl will not stop calling me. After I returned her dog 1 week after the break-up, I initiated NC without any sort of conversation about it. Mainly due to the fact that I had to hear from secondary sources about her new relationship. I don't feel the desire to waste my time talking to someone who doesn't feel the need to be honest with me, and I find it insulting that: a) she broke up with me over the phone and b) wants to apologize to me over the phone. Her calls vary in timing. She never leaves a voice mail(except once), and never leaves a text message (except once). Yet, she continuously calls me. The first week it was pretty hardcore... she even got a new phone number and called me to leave a message telling me she had blocked my number so I couldn't call her back...then she called me back. I know... what?!?! It is clear she is confused right now. She just texted me yesterday after calling about 10 times which said "Why do we have to be on such bad terms? Why can't you let me apologize?" Those questions are infuriating. We are on bad terms because she was not honest with herself and ran from her feelings (and from me). I don't want to let her apologize, because I know I will not be able to convey my feelings properly over the phone. I simply know it will not go well. Secondly, I don't feel like it is enough to have her say "Sorry for breaking your heart, lying to you, etc." when her actions said so much more. That being said, I do I have a lot to say to her. There is a lot I WANT her to know. Her "what's going on?" attitude is typical for her though. Playing stupid until the other side falls for it. What do you guys think? It's been 3 weeks NC. Should I talk to her and try to initiate reconciliation in some manner? Or, like my gut tells me, is this just going to vindicate her guilty conscience and leave me infuriated, with as much closure as before. She didn't give me any help to get closure, and she definitely didn't offer any, so why should I? If you think I could benefit from SOME sort of communication with her? How so, and what should I say? I still love her, but I honestly know that I won't give the relationship another shot -- but we share a lot of mutual friends. So I don't see NC lasting forever, and we definitely can't be on bad terms forever. What do you all think? Too soon? Wait for a stronger message? Block her number? I can give you any more details you need. Edited June 28, 2011 by jdubs
LovelyDaze Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Reread the last two paragraphs you wrote. Your intuition is telling you what you know the outcome will be. Stay NC for as long as it takes. Until you get to a point that you can't care any less whether she calls or not, it is best that you work on your healing and avoid another opportunity for you to be hurt by her again.
Author jdubs Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 You guys are right. I already knew the answer to this before I asked, but it is hard to accept that I am going to have to swallow all my words and feelings and never really tell her how ****ty this was. All in all though, I guess she doesn't really care. Luckily I am down here at school for the next 12 months, but I know I'll be seeing her around when I go home to visit -- it's inevitable. I guess I will stick with the "Nothing to say" line. "**** you" may be more personally gratifying, but I'll stick to the high moral ground.
LovelyDaze Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I'm glad you will be going to school where you can continue your education and quality of life. Most people, after a breakup(and I was one!), choose to wallow in their grief for far too long with no payoff. I won't say she has absolutely zero feelings for you, but what i will say is that she is not 100% receptive of yours. You can love someone and take total advantage of them. Always believing they will be there for you only to prove otherwise. You are doing the right thing. Concentrate on your classes and personal growth. You will come out so much wiser, better, and happier in the end!
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