delux Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 This is the short version- she 19, I'm 24, we were together 2.5 years. We broke up 3 times. (almost 1 per year) 2nd time we broke up she started dating a mutual friend of ours. I took her back after 1 week. 3rd time (now) We broke up and a week later she started dating the same guy again. She blocked me on facebook. Went on a trip with this guy (to the seaside) 20 days after we broke up. Had her prom with him. Says she loves him. Before they started their relationship, he broke up with his ex 1 month prior and asked my ex to hook him up with some of her gfs, but she refused and said that he lied to her, but then you know... long story : I've been reading a lot of personal stories for the past month and finally I decided to share my own experience. I had a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. I am in my early 20s, she was 17 when we got together. This was kind of wrong for me, but I liked her innocence, her willing to learn from me and etc. In those 3 years we broke up 3 times. The first time was after 9 months. I decided that I can't stay with her because of the age differance and because I didn't want to complicate her life, I didn't like her taste of music, movies, clothing, I didn't have time for her, cause I had a lot of exams comming up and you know - I had to live a kind of serious life, and she had to have fun... So it was devastating for her, but I was there for her as a friend, I didn't cut off the communication and tried to explain to her that it was for her best. She cried for a month and left my life silently. Then after 2-3 months somehow we got in touch again, it was after the summer break. We met and she told me that after this month of crying she went to the seaside with her mom and a family friend - young boy. She started hanging out with that boy and eventually they started dating for like 2-3 weeks. She didn't sleep with him, that's what she told me. (I believe her) So we met again and after the meeting we started chatting online and after 1 night, she came to me the next day and said I want to be with you again... The young boy was gone to his homecountry. He offered her to come to him for some holidays and etc. but she chose me... Ok Then we started dating again. We spent almost every holiday with my parents at my hometown and she became close with them. But after the New year I stayed in my hometown a little longer and I don't know why - I just stopped answering her calls. That was like for 20 days... When I returned to the city she didn't answer my calls and I met a mutual friend who told me - your girl is talking to me a lot, do you still love her, cause I might want to do something with her. I was angry and I told him - do whatever you want buddy. So they got together and after a week I couldn't take it anymore, I knew they didn't have sex, but they had everything else (hands all over the place:)) so write her a poem went to her home talked with her parents and when she came home she saw me and started to cry... She didn't want me back and was afraid of me. But I talked it out and we went to the basement to discuss the break up. She looked in to my eyes and asked - do you love me, I said yes. Then we ****ed like crazy... The guy (mutual friend) had 2nd option and started a relationship with the other girl. So then we started our 3rd time together. 1 year in which I started to say mean words to her, how stupid she is and all the time she was in love with me, wanted to be with me, but I was like - I don't have time, I will go to this trip with my friends and etc. We broke up few times for like hours or days, but she always contacted me after that I was always honest with her and took her back everytime. She cried, she begged, I was like - don't do this to yourself, I love you... big hug and then everything is ok for a week or two. My problem was that I wanted to have more spiritual relationship, and she wanted to have physical. Due to my religion I had to stop making sex for a month. She couldn't take it, we did it like 3-4 time during this period, but I didn't want to put emotions in the love making, so I guess it wasn't that good. Also I lost a lot of weight and started to thing better for myself, I kind of wanted to meet new girls, who would be more artistic, more sophisticated. So I dated one unknown girl 2 times and told my ex about it. We just talked and had drinks, she wanted me but I was in relationship, so I rejected her. A month later, I was at my hometown again and asked my girlfriend to come for a visit but before that I told her to go and check my apartment (in the city) so she went to my apartment and looked up at my skype chats and read the stuff I chatted with my ex - It was stories about the unknown girls I met 2 times and had drinks with, about that I don't feel good about my girlfiriend and that I'm thinking to leave her, but only if she meet someone better for her before that. So my gf called me and asked me - do you love me - I said - You should know if I love you, I can't say it on the phone like that. She started crying and then she broke a lot of things in my room... This was 1 month before her prom, she expected me to be her prom partner (i don't know how you call it) My parents bought her shoes, jewelries, my sister sent her parfums, watch and etc. During this last conversation she said "Is this the end?" I responded "No, this is the begining. Go and call this guy who you left 1 year ago and start a relationship with him!" (She was becoming friends with him lately and when I wasn't with her, she used to see him, also HE broke up with his girlfriend and asked my girlfriend to hook him up with some of her friends, but she refused...) And 1-2 weeks after we broke up she started dating him and now they are officialy in love for 1 month. Too long to read, sorry.
Author delux Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 to add some details: i used to abuse her verbaly, I was always busy and she was always clingy, needy and etc. I have a project which was my excuse for everything. I was always like - you know I have to work on my project, so don't call me. Do you thing that if I finish my project (which would mean that I'll get in the news) she will reconsider her choice? She wanted me to become more active, but I preffer solituted, because of my project.
Author delux Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) Hi, just wanted to lay some quick news about my situation. We are separated for almost 4 months now. She got new bf almost immediatly after our bu, but they were official 1 month later. But she left the state to work during the summer, so her rebound became LDR i guess. Her new bf even traveled 3 days to see meet her there for about 2 days only. No she's comming home soon i guess, but I think that this break in their psychical connection gives them more time (this will prolong the rebound)... Meanwile I succeeded in few of my goals, won a contest (related to my proffesion), healed a lot, had fun with my friends, etc. But I still check her fb buddies for info about her (with fake account). In the last few days I noticed that she visits my youtube account and even watched one of my videos. Later that week I read a comment on facebook which she wrote - some negative joke about ex bf, and that it's very adequate for her ex (=ME) I guess that means that she is still thinking about me even in negative way, maybe, or maybe she express it in negative way in fb and with her friends but inside her the feelings are different. I don't know. I took this comment as insult and I don't know how but it kind of stopped my longing for her. Now I don't look so desperatly for her to come back, but in the same time the knowing that she still remembers me gives me some hope or peace in some way. What do you think? Also - I did some begging and texting 1 month after the BU, but then almost 3 month complete NC and continue... Edited August 26, 2011 by delux add text
Chi townD Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Yep, she's a kid. At 19, she shouldn't be tied down to a LTR. That's not fair to you or her. Plus, she's got a lot of growning up to do. Best bet, continue NC and get her out of your life completely. Start dating girls closer to your own age. Preferably one that can get into a bar or club, not a teenager. You'll be much better off with the lack of immature head games.
Author delux Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) i ran into my ex today totaly by accident. she was with her best friend (girl) and her best friend's boyfriend. I was with a friend of mine and she knows him, so when we walked by he nodded to her and she replied, but I didn't even look at them and just walked on. She had just arrived from abroad, so she saw me before her current bf, that's funny I guess. Fate I know it's stupid that I didn't say Hi, my buddy told me that they looked at us, but it was natural for me to ignore her, since she is still blocking me on facebook, skype and etc. and since I haven't broken NC for 3 months plus. When I got home i checked her bestfriends facebook and she posted (for 3-4 hours) status messages like - "I can forgive, but won't forget.." Friends are friends forever - only in the movies" "Time doesn't heal the wounds, but it gets you to know if the suffering was worth it.. "tear is 1% water and 99% feelings".... I hate such phrases as they are completly stupid for me, but I think that this shows what my ex is thinking and obviously she still has feelings for me. Do you think that this event will start to crack slowly her rebound relationship? I'm good either way, but I won't lie if I tell you that I think of her everyday... Edited August 30, 2011 by delux spelling mistake
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