Jaina19 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Hello all I was hoping someone could give me some advice about a guy please Sorry for the length, it's quite a long story. A few weeks ago I met a lovely man. He's 4 years older than me. The date was supposed to be for Friday night, but it continued from Friday to Sunday afternoon. The first night he slept in his car, and the second he slept on my couch. We spent all of the time together when we weren't sleeping, and I thought we had a great time and got on really, really well. I thought he thought the same because he kept contacting me throughout the week, texting loads and chatting to me on facebook... saying stuff like "I think you're really great" and "I miss you". And I said similar things back. We did make out a bit over the weekend, but didn't go very far because I wouldn't be comfortable with it at this stage, and he seemed perfectly fine with that. It was a bit long distance, about a couple of hours away. But he was talking about moving closer and moving out in a week when I met him. He's a teacher and looking for a new job and even looked at a school in my town and talked about moving to my town. We went out the next Friday evening and had a really great time again. During the day he texted me saying he was really excited and we had our "normal" texting conversation, talking a lot. That night he said he was going to be away next weekend at his parents and asked me if I would like to go, and I said yes. And we made plans for the next few weeks to see each other and he said he would be really busy but we would make it work. That night we both slept in the car. We made out a bit that night but I was on my period and said so, and he said that was fine. He said he would rather sleep on my couch but because my dad was at the house that night (I live with my dad but he's often away) I didn't want to impose on my dad and really wanted to sleep in the car because I thought it would be kind of a cool thing to do. Now I realise it might have been a bit selfish because he didn't have a very good night and was a bit tired and grumpy the next morning. Then he went to a gig in london Saturday night, and I took the train to see him on Sunday. Saturday day he was a bit odd because he didn't text me but I figured he was busy, and Sunday morning I texted I was really excited and usually he says the same but he didn't. We spent the day together and had a really lovely day. I realised I not only liked him but really liked him at this point and got a bit tongue tied and was a bit quiet and shy. I stayed at his house later and we made out again, and he asked if I was still on my period and I was. But wouldn't have slept with him because I like to be at least exclusively dating before I sleep with someone, just my personal preference. The next morning he drove me to the train station and I got the train back. Then on Monday afternoon after I got back I texted him about next Friday about our plans for next weekend. And he never replied. Then much later I spoke to him on facebook and he said he might have to cancel because he was busier than he thought, and he said he might not be able to see me for some weeks. I said I really liked him and he said he didn't have time for commitment. I don't understand what went wrong, I'm so confused, we had all these plans for the next few weeks and it seemed like he really liked me and suddenly he cancels them all. I really liked this guy and was very upset. All I can think was I annoyed him with the night of sleeping in the car, and I was too quiet on Sunday, or the fact that we didn't have sex upset him... I don't know. And he seems to be with a new girl now. I might have been a bit selfish but I didn't mean to be, sometimes I don't think before I do things and it is a fault, but apart from the car I can't think what else. I shared the cost of the things we did and always asked him how he was, what he wanted to do. I really liked him and don't understand what I did. I would like some advice please because I don't want to repeat the mistake in the future. Thank you
FrostFire Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Or the fact that we didn't have sex upset him... I don't know. And he seems to be with a new girl now. I might have been a bit selfish but I didn't mean to be, sometimes I don't think before I do things and it is a fault, but apart from the car I can't think what else. I shared the cost of the things we did and always asked him how he was, what he wanted to do. I really liked him and don't understand what I did. I would like some advice please because I don't want to repeat the mistake in the future. Thank you You answered your own question. He actually gave you a few "tries" to see if you'd be an easy girl to bang. Obviously, you have a sense about yourself and are not as easy as he thought. He doesn't want to play games with someone that's going to play "hard to get into their pants." Plain and simple the guy was simply after you for sex. You put your walls up and he didn't feel like breaking them down although he did try but didn't press the issue that much. There's no mistake you made since you are a woman that has a sense of self-worth by not letting someone into your pants so fast. Great job! Never feel pressured for sex by any guy no matter how much they try and pressure you. You did fantastic and this guy is a loser. Not even a jerk... A loser. Move on and enjoy life.
Lucky_One Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I don't see where you did anything "wrong". You said he seems to be with a new girl now. Simply sounds like he found someone whose company he'd like to explore. He may end up liking her better, or may find that he likes your company better and give you a call. Either way, good for you for wanting to be a bit more committed before jumping into full sex. You would REALLY be upset now, had you slept with him and he quit wanting to hang out with you.
Yookie Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I really am having a hard time understanding why he's sleeping in the car and on your couch the first date! You didn't do anything wrong by not sleeping with him but I do think it's wrong to invite intimacy and having sleep-overs if you're not at the point where you are ready to have sex with a guy. Some men will take it as you being a cock-tease. Each time you allowed him to stay over he may have had the expectation of having sex. Anyway he point blank told you he doesn't have time for a commitment and you don't want to have sex with someone who will not commit so really he's doing you both a favor by ending it. You don't share similar relationship goals.
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