RuinedLife Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I still constantly have these horrible regrets about all the things I said to my ex to cause my break up and feel so guilty all the time. And lately I've been feeling an even more desperate need to contact him, to tell him how sorry I am, how much I still love him and how I want to try and make things work again. But I realize I am very likely still delusional in thinking that he'd forgive me, give me another chance and that things could go back to the way they were at this stage. As even though I am stuck at the point of the break up he has likely long since moved on. I don't know what to do. I just seem to love him more and more each day. And my life just seems so pointless and meaningless without him. And every day I just realize how dull and boring my life will be without him, how empty and lonely and the thought of living my whole life without him terrifies me. I just don't know why I'm getting worse like this. I should be feeling better by now and moving on with my life. Its been 6 months since we broke up after all. This is crazy. And yet I can't deny how much I love him, how much I yearn from him.
0hpenelope Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Don't do it. He already knows you're sorry, you don't need to repeat yourself. ...Come to think of it, people who break NC sometimes have to re-learn why they were on NC in the first place. RL, I don't want you to break NC, but no one here can really stop you. You're the only one with full jurisdiction over the choices you make. I hope that the choice you make will be the best choice for yourself.
Exit Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 If your life is boring and meaningless, find something to fill those voids. A relationship shouldn't be used just to fill gaps in other areas of our lives. You've got to find the meaning of life without him. I've been replying to your threads for a while now trying to help you any way I can. Sorry to hear you are still hurting. I just had a miserable day of no contact with my ex as well. It's 3:30am but I just finished working out, and I decided that the cigarette I had a few hours ago is going to be my last one. It's not much, but I'm trying to piece my life together bit by bit, starting with getting healthy again. Gotta start focusing on you again. I'm sure your ex knows how you feel and breaking NC would do nothing good for you.
Mack05 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Ruined if you feel like apologising then apologise but only after you have gotten yourself back to 100%. I was an emotional mess in my last relationship. Kept making mistakes and then apologised for them. It sounded so hallow..I said sorry so many times, i'm sure it was completely pointless in the end even saying sorry. If I could change things I would have left the relationship while my ex still had some respect for me, got to where I am now and then apologised because it comes across WAY more sincere and genuine. A huge lesson I have learnt in the past 6 months is saying sorry when you haven't sorted out your own personal problems is pointless. You want to say sorry because you are desperate to reconnect with him. It's six months and you may as well have broken up yesterday. Either way you have to do something because right now you are in a vicious circle and your living life in neutral..This can't keep going on. You seem to love this man with all your heart and the guilt is consuming you to the point its unhealthy. The chances are strong he won't forgive you. But this is one of those situations where maybe it's worth you giving this one more shot. At least it might give you final closure one way or another. There is no point in breaking NC now because you haven't changed and in truth you are an emotional mess. He will see right through that. Spend the next 3 months getting yourself sorted emotionally, physically and even spiritually. Show him you deserve a second chance. Focus on yourself in a positive way in making these changes which will require courage and determination considering the hole you have dug yourself. Saying sorry now, he probably won't even respond to you. Spend 3 months working as hard as you have ever worked in your life. Go to Therapy, educate yourself, get yourself in the best physical shape of you life. Write down your progress in a journal. Then after 3 months write him a letter (hand written). Hopefully he might meet you for a drink. If he doesn't at least you will have closure and you will be in a far better place to move forward...We are all behind you..I will keep replying until you are back happy :-)
sunshine103 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Have you been in touch with him throughout those six months or have you been NC all that time? If you have been NC, then you are going through a normal period of grieving and it will just take time to get better. I agree with mack05, if you need to apologize because of the things you said, then do so. Everyone on this planet makes mistakes and say things in the heat of the moment they felt should not have said. It okay to say "sorry." You don't have to look for forgiveness or a response from your ex, but just to be truthful to yourself and to get closure. Then I will continue with NC and maybe by getting that off your chest, it will help you better moving forward.
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