rafallus Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) I gave xH lots of 'warning' about my unhappiness before I cheated.You know, that if murderer said "I have given him enough warnings before I shot him in the face", it wouldn't stop him from being guilty either way? In fact it shows clear premeditiation, so you can't use "It just happened in spur of a moment" defense. In fact I went through life prior to A trying to live so I hurt no-one, including myself.Yes. It doesn't work. You have to be true to your soul first. Soooooooo, trying to live so you hurt no-one isn't true to your soul, hurting people is? That's both hilarious and disturbing at the same time, how you run in circles to make yourself look better in front of total strangers over internet board, who in cold, harsh reality, don't give two craps about your existence, and you end up looking in pretty much the worst way possible. In fact, I'm starting to hope, you are an elaborate troll, posting just for others' amusement, because you do excel at it. Edited July 5, 2011 by rafallus
Steadfast Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) Family of origin (very important) Pierre, can you elaborate on this? My ex placed extreme importance on her family and was almost radically defensive about them...often putting their needs above her own husband and kids. In addition, she'd treat me very badly when we were with them (totally ignore me, etc) which in turn caused me to find reasons to stay away. This only made the situation worse, even after I explained why. She was the youngest of many children, and always seemed to be fighting for some kind of position or respect. Looking back, I'd say 80% of her complaints was about one family member or another. The competition for attention was great. When I was 'new' to the scene things were pretty good. Same with the kids. Once something else (new or dramatic) came along you were brushed aside. Here's a plate. Go sit down. It was awful. We were talking once after the divorce and I came right out and asked her why she treated me like something stuck to her shoe; especially around her family. Her blubbery, tearful response? "I don't know!!" Yeah, right. I think the term is Whipping Post. Another cheating 'aspect' is an addictive personality. For my ex, this was a biggie that involved electronics (cell phones, games) cigarettes, and for a time after our separation, alcohol. After the initial excitement she eventually became bored with everything, coming to hate the house, furniture, her clothes. She wanted more. She admitted to being 'addicted' to her first affair partner too. Being on the wrong side of that equation and totally shunned (or hated, if you intervene) life isn't pretty. It was then that I really examined this part of her life and how it influenced her. Even in the better times I often felt like the flavor of the month; -last month. And while I did miss many things about her, I didn't miss this. Edited July 5, 2011 by Steadfast
Steadfast Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Interesting. I don't believe in evolution, but there seems merit to this theory. Massive history/tradition of cheating in my ex's family too. Like you Peirre, I didn't think she'd ever cheat. There was deep shame in her family about the subject (which was NOT talked about openly) but like your ex, she followed. Thing is...there's a history of infidelity in my family too (my dad had an affair) but even after I found out, I didn't feel any overwhelming desires, nor did I gain any justification. Maybe it's because I didn't know when I was young?
nyrias Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 http://www.doover.com/DivorceorNot/ID/239/Using-Science-to-Predict-Infidelity.aspx Research has shown that: Women cheaters are more educated, and cheaters are more successful in their careers. And i quote "Baucom & Jacobson (2001) concluded that “participants with graduate degrees were 1.75 times more likely to have [extramarital sex] than participants with less than a high school education” (p. 743). Not only has education been determined to be a factor in infidelity, but also income and professional stature. Atkins, Baucom & Jacobson found that those who earn more than $30,000 a year in salary are more apt to have an affair than those who earn less" Given the prevalence of rich people and politicians mixed up in sex scandals, the results seem quite accurate.
Memphis Raines Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I'm just curious, are there things like thrill seeking, prior promiscuity, number of sexual partners, family history, low self esteem that can be targeted and identified in a person or avoided all together when seeking a potential long term partner? I avoid women: -with tramp stamps -who I know to have cheated before -who have been the other woman before -who go clubbing -who dress to show too much skin -who are obviously conceited or into themselves too much
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