givingloveabadname Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) So, on Saturday I went out on a date with this guy I met through a few friends on FB. For at least a couple of months we have been messaging and leaving cute comments for each other. I posted some new pics last week and he messaged me saying I was hot. So we started messaging back and forth, then it moved to text messages....for 2 days straight we texted. So, it started when he asked what I was doing for my birthday next month. I told him I had no plans, then he asked what I wanted to do.....I told him I wanted to go see Picasso's art at the museum. Then I figured out that he wanted to take me. Then he asked which restaurant I've been wanting to go to and he made plans for us to go this past weekend but instead asked if I wanted to go to my favorite baseball team's game. So, we went....the seats were the best I've ever had. He was sooo polite, such a gentleman, refusing to let me pay or open doors. Asking me questions about what i like to do...like he seriously was interested. He was a total knight in shining armour. After we walked around for a bit, laid in the grass under the sun...we got on the freeway and he asked if I wanted to go back to his house, watch movies and have a drink. I said yes and we did. He brought out a bottle of wine he said he had been dying to try....we laid down on the couch. I had a sunburn on my arm from the game....he went to get some aloe vera and rubbed it on my arm for me. Then as I was laying there, he was like 'are you cold?' I told him I was fine...but then he was like no I'm going to get you a blanket. He brought out the blanket and covered me up. We laid next to each other watching and making fun of stupid movies. Then we kissed. After kissing, we made out a little....I didn't touch him sexually and I wouldn't let him either. I told him that I wasn't ready for him to touch me yet. He acted like he kind of understood...kind of. Anyway, I asked him to take me home after it was really late and we had been there for about 5 hours. He was nice and took me home. I gave him a peck on the lips when I got out of the car. He texted me when he got back home to tell me he made it home and to thank me for hanging out with him. I texted him back telling him i had an amazing time and thanked him. That was Saturday night. Its now Monday night and I've heard nothing. He posted a few dorky normal random things on his FB but nothing else to me. He did kind of flirt with this other cute girl when she said 'there ought to be more days devoted to straight male bankers' and his response was 'straight male and single'. WTH? I'm a little lost. I come off as polite and cool....not the clingy, greedy type girls that are out there. Can someone please give me an outside opinion? I have no clue what happened. I am 30 and he is 41 btw. Edited June 28, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
D-Lish Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Quite a few possibilities. But here's my take: His "nice" guy behaviour is a farce- he's looking for sex. You rejected the sex and he's annoyed. The fact that you say he acted like he "sort of understood" not having sex with him on the first date should be something to pay attention to in a big way. It's quite possible the entire lead up to the date, the date itself was a means to sex for him. He didn't get the sex he wanted, and you see him posting flirty messages to others (knowing you'll see). Possibly a way to grab your attention and make you jealous- maybe even punish you somewhat for not having sex with him. Again, either of these are huge red flags. It's also possible he's sensitive to rejection- and thought you saying no to going any further was a rejection of him. This is also a red flag. I think what you deemed a great first meeting on a road to getting to know someone further is a different agenda than his. I think you have a lot of red flags that shouldn't be overlooked here. He may contact again- but I think you have to decide if knowing what you already know- if he's worth going out with again. If you do decide to go out with him again, proceed with caution, and don't go back to his place after the next date.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 It sounds as if he was expecting you to put-out...
Author givingloveabadname Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 Quite a few possibilities. But here's my take: His "nice" guy behaviour is a farce- he's looking for sex. You rejected the sex and he's annoyed. The fact that you say he acted like he "sort of understood" not having sex with him on the first date should be something to pay attention to in a big way. It's quite possible the entire lead up to the date, the date itself was a means to sex for him. He didn't get the sex he wanted, and you see him posting flirty messages to others (knowing you'll see). Possibly a way to grab your attention and make you jealous- maybe even punish you somewhat for not having sex with him. Again, either of these are huge red flags. It's also possible he's sensitive to rejection- and thought you saying no to going any further was a rejection of him. This is also a red flag. I think what you deemed a great first meeting on a road to getting to know someone further is a different agenda than his. I think you have a lot of red flags that shouldn't be overlooked here. He may contact again- but I think you have to decide if knowing what you already know- if he's worth going out with again. If you do decide to go out with him again, proceed with caution, and don't go back to his place after the next date. I think you are 110% right.....I just needed to see it from another's perspective...and you hit it on the head. He obviously thought I was 'just one of the girls....boy was he mistaken. He can play his game with someone else. Thanks so much for your insight....I really appreciate it. If more people were like you, I'd enjoy being human a lot more. :-)
thatone Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 some advice: if you're not planning jumping into bed with someone on a first date, don't agree to go to his house, D-Lish is right. what happens when you find a potential rapist who gets mad because you won't willingly jump into bed with him? and this is coming from a man, mind you, not some paranoid woman. it happens. think about that and make your decisions more clear.
D-Lish Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I think you are 110% right.....I just needed to see it from another's perspective...and you hit it on the head. He obviously thought I was 'just one of the girls....boy was he mistaken. He can play his game with someone else. Thanks so much for your insight....I really appreciate it. If more people were like you, I'd enjoy being human a lot more. :-) It's good to get a second opinion- clarify some doubts you might already have. Really, what it comes down to is that you didn't compromise your morals and jump into a sexual situation when it might have been easy to get carried away after such a great date. The fact that he showed some annoyance at not getting laid is all you need to know about this guy. It's already obvious you respect yourself and respect your body enough to wait. If he's not calling afterward for a second date- he's telling you something about himself. You're not the girl that's going to have sex with him right away, and that says a lot of good things about you.
Author givingloveabadname Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 some advice: if you're not planning jumping into bed with someone on a first date, don't agree to go to his house, D-Lish is right. what happens when you find a potential rapist who gets mad because you won't willingly jump into bed with him? and this is coming from a man, mind you, not some paranoid woman. it happens. think about that and make your decisions more clear. Very true. I haven't been on a date in years... I guess I should know better. Thanks for the safety reminder....very important/good point.
Author givingloveabadname Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 It's good to get a second opinion- clarify some doubts you might already have. Really, what it comes down to is that you didn't compromise your morals and jump into a sexual situation when it might have been easy to get carried away after such a great date. The fact that he showed some annoyance at not getting laid is all you need to know about this guy. It's already obvious you respect yourself and respect your body enough to wait. If he's not calling afterward for a second date- he's telling you something about himself. You're not the girl that's going to have sex with him right away, and that says a lot of good things about you. Aww yes! Tears to my eyes. :-) :-) :-) thank you. I love this part especially "if he's not calling afterward for a second date he's telling you something about himself" - so true....he doesn't even need to call and say "hey sorry, forgot to mention, I'm a jackass" lol.....he's saving me a phone call
phillyfan Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Dude, that guy is a big LOSER. He has a big ego n cudnt take the rejection of u sayin no 2 sex wit him after 5 mins in his company. Sheesh. That was a direct insult 2 u, that comment about 'single' on FB. If I were u i wud send him a really friendly email sayin he aint ur type tho u r sure hed be a nice catch (say 'nice'), tho u had a great evenin so thx for that, that bein friends wud be fun, u hope he aint hurt, n n if he needs any datin advice wit future girls, u r willin 2 help him out :D
mitchell Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 When you agreed to "go back to his house and have a bottle of wine", you sent him a message that you wanted to have sex with him. When you put the breaks on during your make-out session he was disappointed that you sent him mixed signals. Don't put yourself in that position again until your are comfortable and ready for more.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Quite a few possibilities. But here's my take: His "nice" guy behaviour is a farce- he's looking for sex. This is really all that needs to be said. If a guy comes across as a "knight in shining armour" you can be 99.99% sure that it's all an act. You'd think that being 30, the by OP would have figured that out already.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Unfortunately I have to concur with D-Lish. There is a small chance that he felt rejected, but in all likelihood he was expecting sex from the start and decided to say "f*ck it" when he didn't get it. You've conducted yourself very well...while I agree that going to his place at all may have been a misstep, you made your boundaries very clear, so the rest is his problem. At least you know now and can move on. :]
youngskywalker Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 OP, I agree with everyone that he was looking for sex. The very moment when you came over to his house and then told him "no" was when he excommunicated you. This can be extremely frustrating for men to the point where it downright ticks us off. It's unlikely he's going to contact you again for another date. But, that a good thing because you're not looking for one night stands anyway. I think the mistake was made here... because you were communicating with him on facebook ect, you felt like you were creating some sort of relationship and building trust. Not so. The cyber world doesn't do that in one month. Next time, treat every first date like you just met the guy yesterday.
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