missdanixo Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Okay so heres our story: we dated for nearly 3 years. our relationship was fine literally a week and a half ago. he has a demanding job an works horrible shifts leaving him tired. we had a fight about how i miss him and want to try to see him more yet he wanted space. we mutually agreed on a break in anger. i regretted it cuz i like to talk things out rather than ignore im but i gave him space for a few days and then tried contacting him. a week went by and he ignored all my attempts (one call and a text) to get in contact him. finally the other night i texted him saying "hey theres been some things on my mind i was wondering if we could meet up to talk" and he replied with "i honestly dont want to" i took that as the deal breaker and in anger went on fb and marked myself as single. then he texted me (before seeing the single thing) saying "ohh i guess il meet up with you for a bit if you want" but i said never mind. he saw the status on fb and texted me saying "wow i had to get dumped on fb" i never replied. still havent replied. bottom line it was a horrible breakup and in the end i do want him back but i want him to realize my worth. i did everything for him. my idea was to let this all blow over and let him calm down for maybe a few weeks, bake him a batch of his favorite cookies and drop them off with a friend at his job with a note saying that i regret how things ended and that ill always be there for him and when the time is right id like to discuss things with him and maybe be friends one day" any opinions? or maybe any other methods i can try to get him back in my life? ill take any advice at this point.
Treasa Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Uhhh...seriously? Why would you lower yourself for someone who wasn't working out with you, said he didn't want to talk to you, finally relented and said he'd talk to you for "a bit", and who hasn't made any attempts at contact since? Do you really think a batch of cookies is going to make him respect you or fix things? He's going to laugh and think you're a doomat. Let this go. Trust me on this. A break IS a breakup. You didn't break up with him over FB. You were already broken up. Let it go.
jh2586 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Here's my opinion: If you want him back, then give it a shot. But only try once. If it still doesn't work out, then at least you can have the satisfaction of saying "I tried". Then there's true closure. Warning: It may cause you to hurt even more than you already are now. You just have to make a decision if the consequences are worth the satisfaction of "knowing" On the flipside; it may end up working out and you guys will live happily ever after. It all depends. Hope this helps.
iceweasel6 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Okay so heres our story: we dated for nearly 3 years. our relationship was fine literally a week and a half ago. he has a demanding job an works horrible shifts leaving him tired. we had a fight about how i miss him and want to try to see him more yet he wanted space. we mutually agreed on a break in anger. i regretted it cuz i like to talk things out rather than ignore im but i gave him space for a few days and then tried contacting him. a week went by and he ignored all my attempts (one call and a text) to get in contact him. finally the other night i texted him saying "hey theres been some things on my mind i was wondering if we could meet up to talk" and he replied with "i honestly dont want to" i took that as the deal breaker and in anger went on fb and marked myself as single. then he texted me (before seeing the single thing) saying "ohh i guess il meet up with you for a bit if you want" but i said never mind. he saw the status on fb and texted me saying "wow i had to get dumped on fb" i never replied. still havent replied. bottom line it was a horrible breakup and in the end i do want him back but i want him to realize my worth. i did everything for him. my idea was to let this all blow over and let him calm down for maybe a few weeks, bake him a batch of his favorite cookies and drop them off with a friend at his job with a note saying that i regret how things ended and that ill always be there for him and when the time is right id like to discuss things with him and maybe be friends one day" any opinions? or maybe any other methods i can try to get him back in my life? ill take any advice at this point. Alright - here we go. To begin with you are an "anxious" attachment style person - as evidenced by your fights over missing him when he was busy working odd hours. Your need for closeness is fundamental and necessary for intimacy. Thus, to you, being close needs to validated by more closeness. When your need for closeness is not met you engage in "protest" behavior like starting fights. All the while your fights are empty - meaning that your not fighting over specific problems but rather throwing a temper tantrum because your need for intimacy is not met. Over time you made your realization that the fighting was meaningless (not because you like to talk things over). In an attempt to patch things up you made an attempt at reconciliation. Judging from what you wrote in your text message, it seems your effort was weak, vague, and nonspecific. A more direct way would be to say "hey, I have been doing some thinking and I have realized that I acted inappropriately and said things I should have not. I would like for us to talk and work things out" Not only do you take responsibility for your actions, outline your thoughts, but you make your intentions know (all of which you did not do). None the less, when he did not respond the way you wanted him to, you decided to throw a temper tantrum (yet again) and do something that you knew would get the attention you wanted - kind of like a kid in a grocery store crying and rolling on the floor - you went and changed your facebook status to single. Once you got his attention, you resorted to more protest behavior (yet again) and behaved as though his unwillingness to meet up with you was the last straw. Honestly if that all it takes - as the last straw - there was no value of the relationship to begin with. So here we are today - and your focus is on making him realize your worth by being manipulative (trying to invoke a feeling in him by drowning him in attention). Here is the bottom line - grow up! Take responsibility for your actions, be direct and honest instead of manipulative and nontransparent. Don't make cookies, speak with your heart and explain why you were fighting because you all were not spending time together and all you wanted was to spend more time with each other. If you are unwilling or incapable to being direct and open then take some time alone and grow. Good luck.
Cantcope Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 WOW Ice. You really made me look at my situation in all of this. I did the same thing in my relationship with the need to validate closeness and the protest behavior. I was a brat. Although, my situation was a bit different. Instead of working odd hours, my guy was playing video games and drinking with his buddies. I was being neglected, but I'm certainly not proud of my behavior. You are very wise! Also, good luck to you missdanixo.
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