mhm407 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Hi everyone, I started dating my bf almost 2 months ago, but he has been away for the past 5 wks (military). I'm 27 and he's 20. Our first few dates went great. We had a lot of fun together and conversation flowed fairly easily. I started to really like him and to fear that he'd reject me once he got to know me better. So when we went on our fourth date, I was nervous, self-conscious, even sad in anticipation of his possible rejection of me. I was so nervous I had trouble talking to him and I'm sure I didn't seem to be having a good time (which I wasn't, but it was because I was torturing myself). Ever since that night things have been downhill. The next time we saw each other after that, it was a little awkward until we had some drinks, then it was fine. The next morning when we were sober, more awkward silence. The final time we saw each other was later that week when I went to see his ship off before he left. We only saw each other for a few minutes. He was very physically affectionate and acted very happy to see me, but again, crickets were chirping. He called yesterday unexpectedly; I hadn't heard from him since right after he left as he usually doesn't get a cell signal on the ship. He said he couldn't wait to see me when he gets back and told me to start planning our next date. *But* the conversation was still awkward, and I was SO nervous Honestly I was surprised to hear from him; I kind of thought he was going to disappear on me. I know people usually say that if conversation doesn't flow easily, you're wrong for each other. But I'm not sure this is true...like I said, things were great on the first few dates. There was no problem until I started to worry. I also tend to have a little trouble with conversation in general, not just with him. He doesn't seem to ask a lot of questions about me, but he could say the same about me. He definitely expresses interest in staying in touch and seeing each other when he gets back. I think he's a great person, we're very physically attracted to each other, and we have had fun together in the past. Could it be that we're not necessarily incompatible, and that we're just nervous and not very good at conversation? Has anyone here ever experienced this in a relationship and overcome it? Thanks so much!
curiousnelly Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 It really could mean anything. It all depends on him. Maybe he's a quiet, introverted kind of guy? You could try asking him point blank if the silences in the conversation bother him. It well could be that he is just not the talkative type.
Cee Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Sometimes when I don't have anything to say I give my BF a quick kiss or give a back rub. As long as you can use non-verbal cues of connection, I think you can smooth over the momentary lapses in conversation. It's also okay to tell him you like him, but you get tongue tied sometimes. Letting him know that silence is not a lack of interest may help.
northstarr Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I think just the fact that he can't wait to go out with you again could be a good sign. Was he talkative during the first date? I guess you could 'jokingly' say something along the lines of "have we run out of things to talk about already?!" Maybe there is an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed hence the awkwardness? Can you do something on your next date that lowers the shyness and give you loads to laugh and talk about? Bowling? Miniature golf? Dancing?
PK Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Sometimes us Sailors are very quiet about stuff. But when he gets back, he will have a ton of great stories. If he can talk about them, make sure to draw them out of him.
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