Wesker Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I'm sure this has been asked before, but here goes. Should a Dumper always be the one to apologize, especially if they make the first contact? I get if there is real problems like abuse, drugs, cheating where there is absolutely no choice but to leave. In my situation though during these 3 weeks of No Contact, I've realized my share of blame as to why it ended, and can accept it. But she also was the one that wasn't happy with me for over a year and decided to dump me instead of trying to talk to me and try to fix things right away, making me feel like a schmuck thinking things were alright. What really sucks is that there still is a big part of me loves her, and want to make this work, or at least try. As much as I want to call her, I know deep down I can't simply for the the fact she left me.
nikkinicole36 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I think if you contact her to apologize you will just be setting yourself back. Take the mistakes that you made in the relationship and learn from them. You don't have to apologize to her to make amends for your mistakes. You just have to take care of yourself at this point.
radrluv72 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I think there comes a point where "I'm sorry" just is pointless. I too got dumped--out of the blue--and I'm on the cusp of 6 months NC. When my ex first dumped me, all I heard was "I'm sorry" over and over...frankly at that point, I was so devastated that his apology just fell on deaf ears. Almost 7 months later, my ex has returned home from Afghanistan (he dumped me 2 days before he deployed). All this time later, I still very much feel the same way you do now...I love him, probably always will, and as much as I want to reach out to him, I know I can't. He did the leaving, not me. He didn't trust me, he thought I was too good to be true, he was insecure...not my issues to deal with. But now I'm faced with the very real possibility that now that he's home, once he's settled back into his old life, that he might contact me. I know in my heart that IF it happened (heavy stress on IF), I'd have to think long and hard about seeing him. But to this day, "I'm sorry" is the last thing I'd want to hear, because I question what he's genuinely sorry for. That, and "I'm sorry" could very well trigger all that pain flooding back that I've been working so hard to put behind me. Saying "I'm sorry" is one thing...showing it is another. And I'd rather see it than hear it...know what I mean?
batsheba Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 yes apology is always the right thing to do when we hurt someone, dumper or dumpee we are. if you feel like you are sorry for your own faults in the relationship, then go ahead apologize. do know that it doesnt mean it will be accepted though. just be prepared for it. once you say it, you will have a sense of release and renewal, a vital part of the healing process.
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