iris219 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 You might try: --Yoga. --Farmer's markets. --Late Saturday morning in the park, where there are bound to be lots of women running--yes I have gotten dates that way I do all these things, often, and have never gotten asked out. How do you approach someone running? Men will smile and say hi (or occasionally something like "damn"), but no one stops running. That would be weird. I wish single men would start doing yoga and going to farmer's markets! My yoga classes are 90% female, (and some gay men and older married men), but honestly, most aren't single. I agree that it's hard to meet single people over college age (the OP could date college age women though). With yoga, you'd have to go often enough to become a regular. You couldn't go once and start hitting on women. Farmer's markets seem to be a lot of married/coupled people. I usually feel like the only single person.
Excalibur1814 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 First of all... you have time and lots of it. Who owns the rulebook that states a person should or shouldn't be in a relationship? It's almost as if the pressure is being applied yet you're the person adding the pressure. I worried for YEARS as I really, really wanted to be in a relationship and the pressure I applied to myself wasn't exactly a turn on for the ladies out there; quite the opposite as that pressure showed as being 'desperate'. The moral of, 'when you stop looking they come along' is actually correct as you've taken the pressure off of you. No relationship is easy all the time and it's probably far easier being single than in a relationship. Once I stopped putting any pressure on myself and finally said, "Hey, I'm here for myself and I'm going to go out and enjoy life before it's gone" it was baffling. I met a whole load of women in and out of relationships and had a blast (later regretted a few of the things I did but that's another story). Suddenly, from nowhere, I met a woman and we're now living together. In the blink of an eye! You could have been in a relationship for years and split on this very day. You could meet someone tomorrow and be with that person until you're 36 and then split or be with that person forever. Life is short - and there's no time to worry. Get out there and join some groups (as others have suggested) and don't look for the ladies as 'they' will notice you if interested and take EVERY opportunity you want to take.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 I disagree with a lot of the advice out there. Most of the guys on here don't really know what they are talking about because they haven't been successful. Well I have been successful so I am qualified to give advice. Look, any one person who has a lot going for him such as, presumably, yourself, will be compatible with maybe only 5% of the single population. (If you insist it's really 2% or 10% I won't argue. My point is that most women you meet aren't the one.) So you will have to talk to a lot of women before you meet one that is right for you. As much as I know logically this is true, sometimes you forget when you go on a spell of "strikeouts" if you want to call them that. I realize that none of these suggestions are the right answer, as I can see what you're saying that it's more of a numbers game and you have to talk to as many random women as possible. This is something I need to try to do a little better. The only thing is I totally blank out on what to say. Sometimes I can find something to talk to them about if there's something going on, or something they're looking at, or where we are....and sometimes I just draw a blank and get that deer in the headlights look. I guess I should do it more and just get practice at it. --Online dating. Were you even doing it right before? I suspect your profile and/or emails weren't that good. I have dated and slept with women in your age bracket and I am 10 years older. I'm probably no better a prospect "on paper" than you. Anyway, you still got a 4-month relationship out of it! Just because that relationship didn't work for you doesn't mean that online dating is hopeless. I don't think there's a right way. I've had my profile critiqued by men and women so I don't feel that it was what I said in my profile and I'm sure my emails were good. I'd comment on something I read in their profile or picture, try to be a little funny, talk about some similar interests, end with a question. Sometimes I would just say "hey, nice picture, where were you?" or "Wow, you did _____, how was that?" or something along those lines. I had some success with online dating, my last gf of 5 months was from OKCupid. I just hated the process, so autonomous, so fake, so stupid. I guess it was more of just how the whole process made me feel. It basically made me feel like I had to compete with 100 guys to stand out and seem funny, so I found a fine line between being myself in my emails and profile and being something I think would catch their eye. Most of the women I met weren't of high cailber personality-wise and I felt like I had settled to meet them because I went on a dry spell of dates or something. Many tell me to do match or eharmony, but I can't justify paying $100's to get rejected 98% of the time and it makes me feel like I need to get my money's worth instead of being patient and holding true to my values. I just am so disgusted with the process of online dating, not to say I won't ever do it again, but right now I can't see myself doing it. I don't want a relationship that bad to where I'm willing to go through that BS again. Asking your friends to set you up (or introduce you--same thing really) is LAME. Women are looking to set up their female friends all the time and if they wanted to set you up, you would know. Otherwise, well you know... I agree with everything else you said, but simply letting some girls know you're interested and telling them a little more about what I'm looking for sometimes makes them see a better side of you, and some women love to play match maker. I especially find this true when I talk to random girls that I know are taken, but I have interest in their friend and they pretty much throw me at their friend to talk to them. It's just that it's a loud drunk bar scene that I don't feel comfortable in very much and find a sloppy drunk girl to take home or ask for a number when she won't remember me isn't my goal. I'm out to enjoy the company of my friends. First of all... you have time and lots of it. Who owns the rulebook that states a person should or shouldn't be in a relationship? It's almost as if the pressure is being applied yet you're the person adding the pressure. I worried for YEARS as I really, really wanted to be in a relationship and the pressure I applied to myself wasn't exactly a turn on for the ladies out there; quite the opposite as that pressure showed as being 'desperate'. The moral of, 'when you stop looking they come along' is actually correct as you've taken the pressure off of you. No relationship is easy all the time and it's probably far easier being single than in a relationship. Once I stopped putting any pressure on myself and finally said, "Hey, I'm here for myself and I'm going to go out and enjoy life before it's gone" it was baffling. I met a whole load of women in and out of relationships and had a blast (later regretted a few of the things I did but that's another story). Suddenly, from nowhere, I met a woman and we're now living together. In the blink of an eye! You could have been in a relationship for years and split on this very day. You could meet someone tomorrow and be with that person until you're 36 and then split or be with that person forever. Life is short - and there's no time to worry. Get out there and join some groups (as others have suggested) and don't look for the ladies as 'they' will notice you if interested and take EVERY opportunity you want to take. Oh I'm out there, I do what I want and I am enjoying myself. I guess I don't see myself as "looking" very hard as much as I just want to make sure I can create enough opportunity for myself. I believe that if I don't at least open up the door to meet women more often then how will they find me? I did my own thing for 4 years after my parents divorced and I was not looking at all....guess what? No one found me either. I would describe my current state of mind as interested in dating, finding some companionship (I don't even care if it's just friends at this point), and sharing my time with someone. I have my own hobbies, interests, friends, great job, sports teams....I'm very happy with my life in that regard. I just feel ready for the first time since my break up to get back out there again and I'm trying to open myself up to other avenues to do so outside of online dating.
Imajerk17 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) I do all these things, often, and have never gotten asked out. How do you approach someone running? Men will smile and say hi (or occasionally something like "damn"), but no one stops running. That would be weird. I wish single men would start doing yoga and going to farmer's markets! My yoga classes are 90% female, (and some gay men and older married men), but honestly, most aren't single. I agree that it's hard to meet single people over college age (the OP could date college age women though). With yoga, you'd have to go often enough to become a regular. You couldn't go once and start hitting on women. Farmer's markets seem to be a lot of married/coupled people. I usually feel like the only single person. Iris, I suggested these things especially yoga because there is bound to be a large number of single *women*. So of course that advice wasn't intended for you. You might try --Crossfit. If you don't what that is, look it up. There is probably a "box" (gym) near where you live. And if you don't meet someone there, you sure as hell will get yourself into great shape so other men will notice you. --Triathlons. See just above. --Rock-climbing gyms. Again, see just above. --Going to the free weights area of the gym and asking guys for "advice" or for a "spot". Again, see the above. Muscle tone and strength on a woman is sexy. --Online dating. Yes, over 95% of the emails you'll get will be from guys who are really non-prospects. But you will get some emails from some good guys. You will find loads of single guys there in great shape in the first 4 places especially. And those single guys will probably have the rest of their lives in some order in especially the first three places I recommended, as it takes some dispensable income and time to be able to do these things. Edited June 28, 2011 by Imajerk17
Imajerk17 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) First of all... you have time and lots of it. Who owns the rulebook that states a person should or shouldn't be in a relationship? It's almost as if the pressure is being applied yet you're the person adding the pressure. I worried for YEARS as I really, really wanted to be in a relationship and the pressure I applied to myself wasn't exactly a turn on for the ladies out there; quite the opposite as that pressure showed as being 'desperate'. The moral of, 'when you stop looking they come along' is actually correct as you've taken the pressure off of you. No relationship is easy all the time and it's probably far easier being single than in a relationship. Once I stopped putting any pressure on myself and finally said, "Hey, I'm here for myself and I'm going to go out and enjoy life before it's gone" it was baffling. I met a whole load of women in and out of relationships and had a blast (later regretted a few of the things I did but that's another story). Suddenly, from nowhere, I met a woman and we're now living together. In the blink of an eye! You could have been in a relationship for years and split on this very day. You could meet someone tomorrow and be with that person until you're 36 and then split or be with that person forever. Life is short - and there's no time to worry. Get out there and join some groups (as others have suggested) and don't look for the ladies as 'they' will notice you if interested and take EVERY opportunity you want to take. I agree with some of this and disagree with some of this too. Someone who is genuinely happy and living life for himself (or herself) is much more attractive than a "try hard". About the worst thing you can do is join a new group and hit on everyone there. And about the best thing you can do is to be genuinely into the activity and be open to making new friends. But if doing what you love isn't putting you in front of attractive members of the opposite gender, whichever your gender may be, then you have to be doing something else too. "Love comes when you least expect it" is TERRIBLE advice. You need to be looking for and taking advantage of your opportunities. Edited June 28, 2011 by Imajerk17
steviek2000 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Basically most of the good looking girls are gone and the ones that remain could very likely be crazy. Most good looking girls will marry very quickly. There are those that are looking for rich guys but most of these you really don't want. The best best for you is to look for someone divorced because their ex-husband was cheater. Then at least you have a chance at a sane girl. Other than that lower your standards. There are lots and lots of single, unattractive women out there. Don't waste your time on attractive women that have never been married. Their standards are too high.
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