I'm realizing there aren't many single people left

[GivenUp0083]

I'm recently out of a relationship, it's been 2 months and I feel like getting out there and dating again. I'm slowly getting better at approaching women but it can be hard sometimes, even in a big city like Chicago, to get their attention.

 

One thing I've been trying to do is ask my friends who are married, engaged, or in relationships if they have any single lady friends who I could meet. I'm not asking to be set up on a blind date, just any they think I might be a match for that they could introduce me to.

 

Many of my friends say they don't know anyone.

 

Especially the girls. Girls say all their friends are married or dating someone. They tell me to try online dating (many of our friends met that way) but I did that for a while and I have my reasons for never wanting to go back to that again.

 

I'm 28 and I'm wondering if I've hit the "too late" age to finding someone. I'm okay with the fact that there's a good chance I'll be single the rest of my life and never get married or start a family. But I always thought the time that I realized the dating pool has become very thin would be much later in my life, like 35 or 40.

 

Was I wrong or do I just happen to be unlucky with friends who don't know anyone who is single?

[quietGuy13]

There are people. Like me, SINGLE as can be.

 

But the majority of people don't like us. So they say thre's nobody left.

They don't even bother looking. Just cause we singles might be shy, antisocial etc, nobody cares about us.

 

You're probably limiting yourself by just wanting people who are the same personality you are and who like the same things you like.

 

Have you looked at for example, farmers or laborers? They are nice people too and many of them are single too.

Have you looked at unemployed people? Have you looked at janitors?

 

And the other question is, Have you looked for people in different cultures? Yup.

Many Americans( if you are american) limit themselves to people of their same ethnicity.

Edited June 27, 2011 by quietGuy13

[quietGuy13]

I also want to say that yes the dating pool is gettng tight for you. Just like it is for me.

 

I'm 31 and when i was employed, everysingle girl in the company who was 30 was either married or in relationship. Many of them married and with kids already.

 

and the funny thing, many divorced and angry and hate men. I don't know why they rush into relationships with guys theyre not even sure about.

[Imajerk17]

Cripes dude, I'm 10 years older than you and I live in an area that isn't nearly as large as where you live, and I am still meeting my share of single women. Women your age who are physically attractive and no kids. And yes, I am only 5'8".

 

I met them at Target, Whole Foods, and yes, online. When I saw a girl who didn't have a ring on her finger nor a man by her side, and if I liked how she looked, I went up and talked to her. As long as she didn't look like jailbait that is. And I have had success online, again with the hot 29-year-olds--see my profile is well-written and my emails stand out.

 

If you don't know how to do this, there are plenty of places to go online to get advice, but not here. This is a *terrible* place to ask for advice because only a few of us know what we are talking about. You'd be better off going to The Men's Community. Take a PUA bootcamp or something.

Edited June 27, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Nexus One]

You don't necessarily have to look for a partner that's exactly as old as you are. I generally have a -10/+10 rule, but it's a flexible rule. If people love each other and make each other happy, then age is just a number. (within legal boundaries of course)

 

Statistically men are in the disadvantage though, as for every 100 women, 105 men get born. So there are more young men on earth than young women. The table only turns at old age, as women tend to get older than men. Due to the fact that women get older than men, there are more women than men on earth.

 

But the fact that there are more women than men on earth does not change the fact that there are too few young women available for young men.

 

What does that mean for young men? That means you have competition.

[Imajerk17]

You don't necessarily have to look for a partner that's exactly as old as you are. I generally have a -10/+10 rule, but it's a flexible rule. If people love each other and make each other happy, then age is just a number. (within legal boundaries of course)

 

 

My rule when it comes to age is to live in an area where statutory rape is 14 and not 16...

[Cee]

 

One thing I've been trying to do is ask my friends who are married, engaged, or in relationships if they have any single lady friends who I could meet. I'm not asking to be set up on a blind date, just any they think I might be a match for that they could introduce me to.

 

Many of my friends say they don't know anyone.

 

 

People who are coupled up are the worst way to find single people. When I was single, I had tons of single friends. Now that I'm shacked up, I seem to know mostly couples. I swear I did not look for couples, but they gravitated to me like a magnet.

 

Hang in there. Chicago has tons of single people. I know a few, but they aren't your type though. They are men. But there's got to be some women out there somewhere.

[SJC2008]

When you are single, you always think that you are the only single person out there no matter your age. At 28 you could go down to 24 so there should be PLENTY of opportunities.

[refurb]

Good lord, in any big city there are thousands of single women.

 

RF

[Disillusioned]

There are a couple of problems with this.

 

For one, married people tend to hang around with other married people more often than they hang around with singles. Totally different lifestyles.

 

For another, not everyone who's single is on the market right now. I'm not, because 1. I'm busy working on myself and my surroundings and 2. I have my Realdoll to tide me over until the right woman comes along. My divorced friend says he's never getting personally involved with women again.

 

Demographics has a lot to do with it too... here in L.A., a lot more single men than single women are looking for someone, and that makes the whole scene lopsided. But if you live in a small rural town, the odds are against you no matter what.

[AD1980]

Im in the same kinda situation except im 31 and living in nyc..

 

All my friends are either marred or getitng married and dont know any single women or at least ones that theyd want to set up with me..

 

So im left to have to apporach random women which is far from my strngth seems im kinda quiet and laid back..

 

Really not looking good for me either..I feel like im hardly around single women and if iam im to shy to approach some strange women in a bar or something..

[USCGAviator]

Don't be fooled. I just learned that there's a huge pool of singles from mid 20's to 40's. I'm 30 and there's no shortage in MASS

[Knittress]

I'm the same age you are, I've been single for years, and I honestly feel like this a good portion of the time. But there is really no point in feeding the panic. NONE.

[NeoGen85]

There are people. Like me, SINGLE as can be.

 

But the majority of people don't like us. So they say thre's nobody left.

They don't even bother looking. Just cause we singles might be shy, antisocial etc, nobody cares about us.

 

You're probably limiting yourself by just wanting people who are the same personality you are and who like the same things you like.

 

Have you looked at for example, farmers or laborers? They are nice people too and many of them are single too.

Have you looked at unemployed people? Have you looked at janitors?

 

And the other question is, Have you looked for people in different cultures? Yup.

Many Americans( if you are american) limit themselves to people of their same ethnicity.

 

You are exactly right. We tend to have a certain "type" and forget that there are many people who are great outside of our social circle. You might have friends who say you're settling but it's far from it. I'm a black man from Northern VA(outside of DC) and I currently live in Charleston, SC. Everything is a bit homogenous here which sucks for a military brat like myself who's been around so many different people. I've been taught about equality from my parents before I even came out of my mother(it seems like that). But not everyone embraces "equality" fully and it really effects how some people date.

 

Some people have this superiority or inferiority complex. For example I found a girl who definitely was "living in the moment". It really effected her life as far as achieving her goals. Therefore she definitely had some self-esteem issues(at least this one). She's a waitress and that's how I met her...as her customer. When I looked at her all I saw was a very kind and gorgeous redhead with a sense of humor and deep blue eyes. She gave me her number and we manage to discuss a few things about ourselves.

 

One day she asked me why I was even interested in her and that I should find a woman with the same success that I achieved. She later moved in with a man who she takes care of and answers his every beckoning call. I only discovered this after asking her out once again a few months later(which she was excited). The night of our date she told me that a "specific someone" said she wasn't able to go out. I assumed that she had a boyfriend and later on a friend of hers told me the deal about their relationship; and how she felt that she could never satisfy me because of her current life situation. Utter BS.

[Content]

Cripes dude, I'm 10 years older than you and I live in an area that isn't nearly as large as where you live, and I am still meeting my share of single women. Women your age who are physically attractive and no kids. And yes, I am only 5'8".

.

 

lol 5'8 isnt that short

[denise_xo]

Wait five or six years, and they'll all start divorcing.

[TheLawmaker]

There are plenty of single guys and girls in that age bracket. But like quietguy said, nobody wants us, even at the expense of being lonely otherwise.

 

Every man and woman wants an alpha male/female. To argue otherwise is senseless, it does not happen.

[GivenUp0083]

There are people. Like me, SINGLE as can be.

 

But the majority of people don't like us. So they say thre's nobody left.

They don't even bother looking. Just cause we singles might be shy, antisocial etc, nobody cares about us.

 

You're probably limiting yourself by just wanting people who are the same personality you are and who like the same things you like.

 

Have you looked at for example, farmers or laborers? They are nice people too and many of them are single too.

Have you looked at unemployed people? Have you looked at janitors?

 

And the other question is, Have you looked for people in different cultures? Yup.

Many Americans( if you are american) limit themselves to people of their same ethnicity.

 

I'm not like you: I'm not quiet and shy. I meet women all the time, they just aren't the type of women I'm interested in (most of the women I meet aren't in the mindset of looking for a relationship for various reasons: youth, stupidity, career, arrogance.) But that's part of living and working downtown. I tried to move into more diverse areas, more mature areas, but I guess I'm just not as aggressive with asking them out. I'm more of a guy that sparks random conversation and has a good time, but I look for that "spark" with someone and I don't feel it with many of them. That, or I can tell they just aren't interested in me that way so I don't even bother asking them out.

 

When you are single, you always think that you are the only single person out there no matter your age. At 28 you could go down to 24 so there should be PLENTY of opportunities.

 

What are you talking about? I don't remember when I said I was only willing to date people who are also 28....

 

I'd date older women even, I'd date some that were 35 if we had a good connection. I look really young for my age so older women don't usually go for me. As for younger girls, I am not as interested in them because they're dumb as rocks and they have no idea what they're looking for. I've been in relationships with those types of women and I have no interest of going through that again. Sure, not all younger girls are like that, but most of them in Chicago are.

[grkBoy]

Many of my friends say they don't know anyone.

 

Be careful. Many times it's double-speak for "I know single people, but I honestly know they won't be into you."

 

I used to know single gal pals who seemingly would fix up all their single female friends with hot bartenders and shallow yuppies who hit the gym every day. I ended up asking one why she never thought of me, and she simply said in honesty that her friends aren't into "nicer" guys like me. She would totally fix me up if one of her friends showed interest, but at the time they all wanted hot athletic guys who make lots of money.

 

I didn't come down on her. I respect her for being honest, but it does say something. Imagine you know a 300-lb hippo of a female who is single and available. You know single guys, but they're all into skinny women who put out easily. Would you still attempt it? Or accept your friends won't like her and thus not bother.

 

PLUS...some people just don't "fix up" their friends because if it fails then there's drama and two people wanting the "fixer" to give up being friends with the now "ex".

 

Was I wrong or do I just happen to be unlucky with friends who don't know anyone who is single?

 

I personally think no matter what you say, it sounds like your social capital is low. When I meet anyone who it seems all their friends only know "taken" people or "shallow" people, I tell them to branch out. Go out, do things that interest you, meet new people, etc.

 

ALSO...don't treat every female as "potential date". So you happen to be out at a social softball game and you meet some hot girl, but can see clearly that while she thinks you're cool, she's not into you. Suddenly she might know single coworkers or suddenly invite you to things she does with new people to meet.

 

It's the same if this woman was "taken". She might know people. I met my gf through a friend. My friend was a girlfriend of a buddy of mine, and she knew my now "girlfriend" through her work at the time.

 

Cliques will keep people locked in. Branching out more and more will make you grow.

[Cee]

Having lived in Chicago when I was in my 20s, the dating realm is vast and intimidating. Within the city, there are numerous social worlds - art, music, tech, business, activism, etc. Perhaps if you get involved in activities that you like such as politics, sports, art, etc, you will find women of similar values and interests.

 

Really, I think all you need is patience. It's only a matter of time when you spark with someone.

[GivenUp0083]

I used to know single gal pals who seemingly would fix up all their single female friends with hot bartenders and shallow yuppies who hit the gym every day. I ended up asking one why she never thought of me, and she simply said in honesty that her friends aren't into "nicer" guys like me. She would totally fix me up if one of her friends showed interest, but at the time they all wanted hot athletic guys who make lots of money.

 

But I am athletic, I play sports, I work out 2 hours a day 5x a week, and I make pretty good money, lol!

 

PLUS...some people just don't "fix up" their friends because if it fails then there's drama and two people wanting the "fixer" to give up being friends with the now "ex".

 

I did have a friend about a year ago tell me that. I think that's stupid and immature, but whatever, that's fine. I'm just surprised at some of my very close friends who say they don't know anyone. I know they think high enough of me and they know I'm a catch, they just say they don't know anyone.

 

I personally think no matter what you say, it sounds like your social capital is low. When I meet anyone who it seems all their friends only know "taken" people or "shallow" people, I tell them to branch out. Go out, do things that interest you, meet new people, etc.

 

I know you can't possibly know this, but I know that my social capital is not low. I know a lot of people, just mostly dudes and of the girls I know they aren't single or they aren't interested in my romantically.

 

ALSO...don't treat every female as "potential date". So you happen to be out at a social softball game and you meet some hot girl, but can see clearly that while she thinks you're cool, she's not into you. Suddenly she might know single coworkers or suddenly invite you to things she does with new people to meet.

 

This is something I do not do. I actually don't care as much as my posts sound about finding someone, I'm just a little surprised being newly single that the pool is so thin in terms of my social circle. I just know a LOT of married or engaged people I guess. I don't even approach women we are out with in the same group of friends. I let them start conversation with me and I don't buy them drinks. I do my own thing, talk to my own friends, and the women usually end up coming up to me to spark conversation. I just find they either don't live in the city, or they're very very young, or I just don't feel a connection with them, or I can tell by talking to them that they don't see me as a romantic option. The reason isn't my fault it's their own problem. I don't want to be with someone that I have to prove myself to or convince that I'm a catch. I look for that spark, good eye contact, and good conversation. If we don't have that, then why pursue anything?

 

Having lived in Chicago when I was in my 20s, the dating realm is vast and intimidating. Within the city, there are numerous social worlds - art, music, tech, business, activism, etc. Perhaps if you get involved in activities that you like such as politics, sports, art, etc, you will find women of similar values and interests.

 

Really, I think all you need is patience. It's only a matter of time when you spark with someone.

 

I can agree with this. I've only been single two months. I'm not all that much in a hurry to jump into a relationship again, but it would be nice to have an interest in someone who also shares an interest in me. I am very much involved in sports and politics, unfortunately the co-ed sports I play I haven't had much luck meeting single women either (all the girls I play with or against are the girlfriend of some other guy on the team.) I've stopped looking when it comes to sports leagues. As for politics, I'm not liberal, I'm libertarian, and there aren't very many women with that point of view. I read a lot of books, I'm involved in the libertarian meet up group, but I have never met a single woman through that group once.

 

I'm just going to continue to do my own thing. I'm playing baseball, I work out and have lost a lot of weight, I'm actually really happy with my body right now which is a first time in a long time. I have some fun trips coming up, concerts, parties....seems like I have a pretty full summer schedule anyway, so it's not like I'd have time to date seriously. I just feel like I'm at that point where I'm ready to take interest in someone.

 

Maybe all I'm looking for is companionship, not a relationship.

[oaks]

Was I wrong or do I just happen to be unlucky with friends who don't know anyone who is single?

 

Just unlucky with your friends. Get better friends!

 

Seriously, there are loads of single people, and if you're in Chicago then I bet there are tens of thousands of single women of a broadly similar age. Go and look for them!

[grkBoy]

GivenUp, by your answers then you're obviously either you're too picky, or there's some obstacle keeping you from trying with one of the women who come up to you.

 

It seems like you're getting the attention and interest of women...just need to figure out what keeps the deal from being sealed.

[Imajerk17]

I disagree with a lot of the advice out there. Most of the guys on here don't really know what they are talking about because they haven't been successful. Well I have been successful so I am qualified to give advice.

 

Look, any one person who has a lot going for him such as, presumably, yourself, will be compatible with maybe only 5% of the single population. (If you insist it's really 2% or 10% I won't argue. My point is that most women you meet aren't the one.) So you will have to talk to a lot of women before you meet one that is right for you.

 

You might try:

 

--Yoga.

 

--Farmer's markets.

 

--Late Saturday morning in the park, where there are bound to be lots of women running--yes I have gotten dates that way.

 

--Online dating. Were you even doing it right before? I suspect your profile and/or emails weren't that good. I have dated and slept with women in your age bracket and I am 10 years older. I'm probably no better a prospect "on paper" than you. Anyway, you still got a 4-month relationship out of it! Just because that relationship didn't work for you doesn't mean that online dating is hopeless.

 

 

Asking your friends to set you up (or introduce you--same thing really) is LAME. Women are looking to set up their female friends all the time and if they wanted to set you up, you would know. Otherwise, well you know...

Edited June 28, 2011 by Imajerk17

[grkBoy]

I disagree with a lot of the advice out there. Most of the guys on here don't really know what they are talking about because they haven't been successful. Well I have been successful so I am qualified to give advice.

 

Look, any one person who has a lot going for him such as, presumably, yourself, will be compatible with maybe only 5% of the single population. (If you insist it's really 2% or 10% I won't argue. My point is that most women you meet aren't the one.) So you will have to talk to a lot of women before you meet one that is right for you.

 

You might try:

 

--Yoga.

 

--Farmer's markets.

 

--Late Saturday morning in the park, where there are bound to be lots of women running--yes I have gotten dates that way.

 

--Online dating. Were you even doing it right before? I suspect your profile and/or emails weren't that good. I have dated and slept with women in your age bracket and I am 10 years older. I'm probably no better a prospect "on paper" than you. Anyway, you still got a 4-month relationship out of it! Just because that relationship didn't work for you doesn't mean that online dating is hopeless.

 

 

Asking your friends to set you up (or introduce you--same thing really) is LAME. Women are looking to set up their female friends all the time and if they wanted to set you up, you would know. Otherwise, well you know...

 

I agree with you. Friends are better off when THEY want to introduce you. I didn't ask my friend to fix me up with my now-girlfriend. She simply came up to me and said I needed to meet her friend, so I took a chance.

 

The Yoga, park, farmers markets are good ones. Just make sure you do them in areas full of the right people. I know where I live there are loads of middle-aged and senior citizens, so if I were single and looking, I'd go more into downtown where the young/single women are.