EgoJoe Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I've noticed that those of us who came here within the past few months are giving harsh doses of reality and that is good, however, we need not be giving such bitter advice. GIGS dumpees being exposed to the string along etc. need to realize, yeah, we call it GIGS but it's really just immaturity and all that jazz. Just relax and let the healing come. All of this will make much more sense when we're older and happier. I woke up angry and calmed myself down. I had some faults in my relationship, I was working on them but my former SO didn't care, lost faith in my intelligence, lost her way, etc. etc. All I can work on is my jealousy and attention seeking behavior, for me and not for her. PLEASE don't give the freshly heartbroken negative images. I know I'm guilty too although I did put a disclaimer to make it known I was trying to help with the pedestal thinking. Karma isn't a revenge cycle it is an act which sows results. Hope everyone feels as decent as I do today.
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 A little bitterness can be a good thing, as long is it doesn't rule one. It's a 'reminder'. Even in healthy times, it's good to have a reminder of the other potential paths. Ride the bear, but don't let the bear eat you.
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I found having caring and honest friends to be a great check on bitterness, both with distraction and calling me out if I began to sound like a negative nellie broken record. Friends are great assets.
Author EgoJoe Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Some of my friends give me false hope which I've had to ask them not to. Other people I know give me bitter, "You'll never hear from her again." advice and I really just want to let go of hope without using hate and bitterness to do it. I remember the way I was treated and I remember the way things were before the downhill. I wasn't perfect but nothing I did warranted that treatment and I always fixed my issues and learned. Which is what I am doing now. So, amen to good frends but too much positive is bad, haha.
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Most of my male friends have been through one or more divorces so were/are pretty adept at challenge and support. They kept me focused on the future and the important stuff and didn't let me get wound up about the past. Divorce is a pretty traumatic ending, though no breakup is ever easy. LOL, my exW just emailed me today about a credit card I was an authorized signer on which she had forgot to cancel during the D. Still tying up loose ends after 2 1/2 years. The old me would have been annoyed. The new me is 'no problem'.
Fedor Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 We has human beings need to develop better coping skills. Thats the root of the problem.
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