stray Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 So, I dropped by ex's things off today at his house. I just left them in a box on his doorstep. I'm relieved that's it's all finally "done", but also so sad that it ended like this. We were best friends at a point, I mean totally inseperable, no LDR or anything. We hardly ever fought, we laughed constantly. I loved his parents almost more than my own parents. Then I got pregnant in January and his true colors came out, said he'd never speak to me again if I kept it, so I aborted, he didn't give a f**k and things pretty much went downhill from there. Haven't heard from him for about a month, and I don't expect to ever hear from him again. I just hope a man exists that won't reel me in, make me a blind fool, then s**t on me. This one really took the cake; I REALLY thought for a while this one would stick around. Life can be super sh**ty sometimes.
Finch Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Giving back the stuff and knowing it's all done and wrapped up can be both sad and a relief. On one level it's hard because it makes you think about him and the relationship and you start to feeling the original wound open up again. But on another level it's a new beginning. Clean slate so to speak. No need to see or speak to him again. Now's the time to re-evaluate. Look for patterns in the type of person you pick to date and see if there is anything you need to be aware of. It's also a good time to acknowledge your own shortcomings; no one can reel you in unless you are willing to be reeled, and no one can blind you unless you go along with being blind. Cultivate the ability to step back once in a while and take a look at what's happening in your relationship. Take stock of the good and the bad, and learn to listen very carefully to recurring doubts that creep in. It won't prevent you from ever having to deal with people who may hurt you, but it will lessen the chance that you'll get into a position where you feel you've been used.
Author stray Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 I know, I definitely need to keep my eyes wide open next time and call out the red flags when I see them. The thing is, this guy has no red flags for the longest time. For months it was just awesome, like perfect. First thing that got me thinking was when I saw how he treated his family; just very disrespectful and bratty. Then I noticed he was extremely ungrateful for so many things - he simply didn't care if people went out of their way for him. Then I realized he was obsessed with his physique. He stopped complimenting me completely and began only complimenting himself and talking about himself. It was just...bizarre. But by that time, I was so invested I just, tried to not think much of it. Next time though, I'll know as stupid as those little things sound, they actually represent a much bigger problem in the person, a flaw of selfishness that was going to eventually lead me to misery with him. And it's too bad, because if it weren't for that big problem of his, it could have been good.
Mr. Savage Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 The way he acted when he heard you were pregnant is discusting, pathetic, immature and angers me actually! He would really completely cut you and his child out of his life if you kept it? Does he realize it takes 2 to get pregnant. It sounds like he put all the blame on you.
nikkinicole36 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Stray I really feel you in this post. I feel the same way. We see the red flags but by that time we're already so invested and we tell ourselves that no one is perfect. Yes, no one is perfect, but it sounds like your ex and mine too had a lot of fatal flaws that are really in the long run self-destructive. My relationship was very similar to yours, minus the pregnancy. Me and my guy were actually engaged. I guess we could tell ourselves it could have been worse, but it doesn't change the fact that nevertheless it still hurts to have someone treat you so hurtful, especially when you've done nothing but been loving to them.
Author stray Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks Mr. Savage, I agree his behavior was disgusting and I was angry too. Nikki, I'm so sorry you also had to go through that as well. It's extremely shocking to realize that the person you cared so much for simply doesn't care for you back or even appreciate everything you had together. It's almost unbelievable. I can't even put myself in the mindset that someone must be in to completely walk away; forfeiting all loyalty, accountability, fairness, and consideration. It is either the act of a complete coward with the mind of a child, or a sociopath. Either/or, that's not someone you or I ought to be with. We have to much to give, we just gave it to the wrong people.
nikkinicole36 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks It's extremely shocking to realize that the person you cared so much for simply doesn't care for you back or even appreciate everything you had together. It's almost unbelievable. I can't even put myself in the mindset that someone must be in to completely walk away; forfeiting all loyalty, accountability, fairness, and consideration. It is either the act of a complete coward with the mind of a child, or a sociopath. Either/or, that's not someone you or I ought to be with. We have to much to give, we just gave it to the wrong people. You read my mind! I feel this way all the time, and it's been a year since my breakup. I keep asking myself how is possible that I was with someone that obviously cared so little for me that they were able to act in this manner. You go through that whole phase where you really beat yourself up and question yourself. I'm hoping that phase will pass soon.
AlisaMarie Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Your ex sounds like a narcissist... it's ok to be confident but NOT at the expense of others. My ex was the same damn way. Could care less about anyone else but if it came to impressing people he'd put me and his awesome fathering skills on a pedestal! What a joke. Show off. LIAR! Then pass the blame. I sacrificed my life to help him and take care of his son, then I am the bad person when he "doesn't love me anymore." So MAD/SAD... very familiar feeling. You're not alone.
sunshine103 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Wow. That dude is a straight up coward and a horrible human being. He sounds very young and consumed with himself. If he has a conscious, he will one day regret what he did to you and how he handled it and will reach out to you. Hopefully by that time you have found someone who makes you real happy and is a real man. All you can do now is gather up the little strength you have and move forward with your life and take that bad experience and learn from it. Say a prayer and ask for strength and guidance through all your pain. There are a lot of people who look good on the outside but are rotten at the core. He will regret it one day.
Mack05 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) Stray it's not easy to get over the hurt that you have had to endure. Even when you do move on, it's not easy to give your heart to someone new and then trust them implicitly. Everytime you leave you heart out there it's a gamble. Everytime your heart gets broke it gets tougher and tougher to trust. The key here is to deal with your emotions in the correct way. It's ok to be angry at your ex, but you do not want to let that anger and bitterness overwhelm you. I would go to Therapy (if you haven't already). Not only have you lost a relationship with a man who you loved (who let you down in the worst possible way), but you have also lost a baby. That is a lot to grieve. I am a man so I will never know what it is like to lose/abort a baby. What I do know is that if you don't resolve these issues now, they will come back to haunt you later in life (probably when you least expect it). Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Talk it over with a professional and work through your grief and pain. My heart goes out to you.. Edited June 28, 2011 by Mack05
Author stray Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 Thanks you guys, I really appreciate the validation that this guy was/is a piece of garbage. I'd love to go to therapy for all sorts of things, but my insurance doesn't cover it and I'm not sure how I'd afford it. But I'll check out those options. Thing is, I don't really regret the abortion. I completely believe he would have left me, and I would have been stuck with a full time job, night school, and a kid without a father. I feel like I wouldn't have been able to provide the quality of life that I ultimately want for my future children, for their happiness. What hurt me, really, most of all, was seeing that the father (my ex) just completely didn't care that is was...his child I was destroying. There was just zero paternal emotion in him, it was...amazing. I know men feel detached from pregnancy, but to just sit there, not even give me a hug, and in mildly kinder words tell me to get rid of it. Amazing. I'm grateful for the emotions I feel about it. I think that shows that when I do have kids, I will definitely care about them, I'm not sure if he'll ever care about anybody but himself, and that is sad for his future wife and children.
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