angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 ok so this guy i dated earlier this year (it ended a few months ago, UGH) - i hear is dating this girl he used to go out with a year ago. She is nuts. They have been seeing each other again for the past month of so. I know this because his sister is one of my good friends. apparently he has told her numerous times that the relationship is not going anywhere and that he's done. every time he does this she calls constantly till he responds and now has taken to showing up at his mother's house and letting her know that she intends to get pregnant so that he'll be with her and they'll be one big happy family. His mom was shocked and she kept going on about how adorable her grandchild was going to be. Apparently he came home and freaked out - but she came back the next day acting like nothing happened. she even snuck into their house last week and was waiting for him in his room- to end it -- then broke into tears and begged him to marry her. But the part i cannot understand is -- WHY IS HE STILL SEEING HER? Is it just the free sex? If someone were being that psycho with me I would be out as fast as i could. (his mother lives with him because she's very ill - we are all in our 30's). In any casei ended it because we were going out 3 months and he didn't want a commitment - so I calmly stepped back and dropped him. I really liked him and he started calling again about 6 weeks ago and wanted to hang out. I thought he had a change of heart and was coming around. But when his sister told me this (she's my friend and when i told her he was calling again she told me about this lunatic) i was just struck dumb. WHY WOULD HE WANT HER OVER ME? I'm not going to chase him because i ended it because he didn't want a relationship. If he doesn't present anything otherwise to me I don't see the point of chasing -- because i am looking for something serious. guys please -- can you explain this to me?
Mrlonelyone Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Let the TV show "How I met your mother" explain it with the Hot-Crazy Scale. "A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot..."
AlexDP Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Because they make you feel alive. Seriously. The emotional rollercoaster is addictive and it's all just very intense. Unhealthy though too unfortunately.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 The same reason that many men say girls like jerks and douchebags.
Author angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 i've dated my share of jerks - but honestly - once they get to be too much I'm out. I guess being an attractive, affectionate, mild mannered, successful and sane woman doesn't work in the dating world. :-(
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 drama = attention = attraction An additional 'burden' is men are socialized to be protectors and 'fixers'. The hot mess of a drama queen presses those buttons. In the OP's case, it sounds like her ex is using his prior hot mess ex for a rebound. It consumes him, gets his mind off the breakup, gives him happenis, and with a bar which knows his name. Cheers
Author angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 christ. oh well. I even texted him a few days ago with "it sucks that you'd rather waste your time with a bat**** crazy girl then someone as awesome as me". response - "you are very awesome." UGH
Author angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 second hint, the non jerks usually won't bring up sex for five or even ten dates. not foolproof but its a trend. jerks always jump the gun. i totally agree. my radar goes off when i guy mentions or tries to get to bed too quick.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I guess being an attractive, affectionate, mild mannered, successful and sane woman doesn't work in the dating world. :-( Eh? I thought you were the one who dropped the guy because he didn't want a "commitment" after three months (and I'm guessing that by "commitment" you really mean marriage).
Emilia Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 christ. oh well. I even texted him a few days ago with "it sucks that you'd rather waste your time with a bat**** crazy girl then someone as awesome as me". response - "you are very awesome." UGH There are certain things you don't say to a guy and the above is one of them. Why flatter someone that doesn't want to date you?
Author angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Eh? I thought you were the one who dropped the guy because he didn't want a "commitment" after three months (and I'm guessing that by "commitment" you really mean marriage). nooooo committment as in dating exclusively.... we hadn't had "the talk" and i wanted to see where things were since we were seeing each other 3/4 times a week, going on dates, i met his friends, making plans for the summer, etc.
Author angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 There are certain things you don't say to a guy and the above is one of them. Why flatter someone that doesn't want to date you? i was talking about myself - i wasn't flattering him.
grkBoy Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Chalk it up as the same logic that some women have when they continually forgive and "give another chance" to some jerk, bad boy, or loser.
fishtaco Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Dating is an emotional decision. We decide one way or another for no logical reasons, then when pushed, we come up with reasons to why we made those choices. If someone talks to us and deconstructs every logical reason, we'll say you're right, then go back to doing what we were doing anyway. I'm seeing someone that appears to be not good for me either. But I seem to have problems disconnecting her...
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I'm seeing someone that appears to be not good for me either. But I seem to have problems disconnecting her... The good news is it gets easier as you get older, in general, IME. Also, I've noted a marked difference in handling the hot messes; rather than becoming embroiled in the drama, I find myself more detached, like observing a science experiment.
TheLawmaker Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 People are bad at choosing people that are right for them. They all desire someone who is undesirable, it's part of the thrill.
stillafool Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Same reason that women go for bad boys. Absolutely correct! I've known several guys who won't break up with their "bunny boilers" and they say it's because the sex is amazing. These women are probably crazy in bed also.
Wolf18 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Guys don't like women who are crazy, they will just tolerate it if they look decent. You don't see men lining up for the cat lady, for example. A lot of women who are decent looking to hot and crazy actually don't always have a huge line of guys waiting to kiss their feet, so it's a lot easier to talk to them. Of course by "hot" I mean the American definition which is a woman whose face isn't completely mangled and weighs less than 200 lbs. Being crazy also doesn't mean you're a bad person at all, a lot of times I prefer a crazy girl over some shallow materialistic emotionless career bitch who thinks she's logical. It is somewhat similar to why women always date the annoying and stupid guys. They're "REALLY HOT" and some of them have money . I think women like other girls lusting after their guy a lot more than men like it with their girl though, for a variety of biological reasons.
fishtaco Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 The good news is it gets easier as you get older, in general, IME. Also, I've noted a marked difference in handling the hot messes; rather than becoming embroiled in the drama, I find myself more detached, like observing a science experiment. Then I'm embarrassed to say I'm 40, and it seems I'm still stuck in this situation. But I do know once this situation blows up, I'm capable of handling the situation better compared to when I was younger. Once I cross that threshold and become convinced that she's a dud, then I'll have no problem. Right now it's all confusing to me.
Richard Friedman Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 The crazies are the best in bed. And when things are good they make you feel like some kind of demigod.
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