Loolaa Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Helloo, i really need help with this as I'm not coping at all and it's giving me serious depression and even making me consider suicide. I have no one to talk to about it and i really don't know what to do. I had been in a relationship for 2 years with someone and we were happy, before i met him i had mild social phobia and he was understanding and accepting of that. Somethings about him really annoyed me though, like the fact he had no motivation to do anything at all or the fact that he wasn't very clever and also i didn't fancy him that much. I shouldn't try and change a person should i, i should accept them as they are, which i realized i was actually trying to change him. He loved me so much and we both relied on each other for our social lives as well, which makes everything worse now. I was his number 1 priority and he was mine. But 2 months ago i started a new job and met a guy there, he was gorgeous and everything about him seems perfect, so we became good friends and talked and texted regularly. He said he's never felt about anyone like this before as he doesn't usually care about people. He seemed to have what was missing from my relationship and everything else as well. I would of loved to be with him but i was in a relationship and so was he. So i had that major decision on my hands, what do i do. I thought if i really did love my boyfriend so much then i wouldn't even consider being with another guy. And i also thought that i respected my boyfriend way too much to mess him around and carry on something that i didn't want a future from. So i ended it, we were both crying so bad and both felt devastated that after about 12 hours i asked him back because i couldn't cope with the pain of not being with him. But then things were rocky again for a week and so he ended it. It was all ok for 2 weeks, i didn't think about him much and i carried on texting and meeting this other guy. But my ex boyfriend owed me money and i told him to drop it through the letter box so we didn't have to see each other, but he insisted we met. So we did, he was in pieces saying how he can't live without me and that he needs me to live and i was strong and said it was for the best. But now since i've seen him (4 days) i've fell to pieces! I also found out that he'd been seeing this other girl, which devastated me, he said he doesn't care about her though he just wants me. I lie in bed and cry every-night and i don't sleep much, i felt like he was my whole life and now it's all gone, he was all my social life and now i have no one left. Just this guy that i fancied but he seems to have changed the way he is with me. To me it feels like he wanted what he couldn't have and now I'm single he doesn't want me. So I have contacted my ex, i really know i shouldn't of done because it messes him around again when he's trying to move on. I said some stuff to him and he said i'll see you tomorrow to talk about everything. I don't know whether to go back to him or not. Everything was so comfortable and safe with him. But then i do still really like this new guy even if he has got a girlfriend, but he really wants to end it with her. GRRRR it's all getting on top of me sooooooo bad!!! Sorry for the essay, please help me!!
wny Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Helloo, i really need help with this as I'm not coping at all and it's giving me serious depression and even making me consider suicide. I have no one to talk to about it and i really don't know what to do. If you are that depressed and considering suicide, there is only one answer, and you won't get it online from here. You need to obtain professional advice. The biggest reason for this is you need more than a few quickie replies from people on this forum. You have a lot to explore here, and you need someone who can be dedicated to helping you with that process that honestly cannot happen online. A professional will stop and ask for clarification, or you will stop him or her to correct a misconception. The give and take is essential to helping you resolve this in a healthy and positive manner. Don't be afraid of this. I know people have stigmas about talking to a therapist, and they're all crap. They are exactly the kind of resource you need to help understand what you are thinking and feeling, and how to deal with that in an appropriate and thoughtful manner. I was scared when I first talked to a psychologist about my own anxieties and fears, but quickly found him a valuable resource in identifying faulty reasoning and giving me the tools to overcome it. Make no mistake -- you don't deserve to be depressed and upset. You deserve to be happy and lead a fulfilling life, so don't sit around for another day. If you are in the US, your primary care doctor is usually your entry point for a referral to a qualified therapist. Consider whether you'd be more comfortable with a man or woman, and then get started. You'd go to your doctor if you injured yourself, so treat emotional pain the same way. You will come away understanding yourself and why you do the things you do, and learn to identify dangerous situations before you get embroiled in them. Better yet, you may be able to learn tools you can share with the special people in your life to help build even more fulfilling relationships in the future. Take care of yourself first, then worry about the other stuff!
Chi townD Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Suicide isn't the answer. I agree. Seek professional help to get you through this.
Author Loolaa Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks guys I really do appreciate your advice. I've only considered suicide once tho so I dont feel like I'm that bad. I just really need help with my question because I know once all this is sorted out it'll be a massive weight off my shoulders. And that is what I really need right now! Thanks again
wny Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks guys I really do appreciate your advice. I've only considered suicide once tho so I dont feel like I'm that bad. I just really need help with my question because I know once all this is sorted out it'll be a massive weight off my shoulders. And that is what I really need right now! Thanks again That is good to hear, but again, I personally think you are not going to be satisfied with answers from people who do not know you or the situation. You will get guesswork, and I think that once things reach a level where suicidal ideation starts getting in the mix, even once, it's time to tackle this bull by the horns and get some real solutions that will work for you, not 5-6 replies on a forum from people who don't know enough to really give you the relief you are seeking.
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