Lighthouse22 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Hey everybody, I have an almost "story" like tale to tell if anyone wants to listen. If not, i suppose my rant will serve to help me gain some clarity or something. Well here it goes: My family moved to Florida just when i was going to high school. So i was starting off as a freshman in a new high school with knowing no one. Well, eventually i came to know someone whom would become my "best friend". I say that because while we did spend a lot of time together hanging out, having fun, etc. I never could quite rely on him emotionally, any problems i came to him with he either blew it off, or made a comical joke about it to avoid it. Fast forward a bit to around my and it soon becomes apparent that my best friend and the girl i love begin talking and as i soon learn she has had a crush on him since middle school. So as of her 16th they began going out. I was crushed naturally. But, i set aside my feelings for the sake of my best friend. I suppose i was happy that she was happy. We spent a lot of time together as we would hang out as friends. I was a witness to much of the emotionally abuse he put her through and it set me off. I would talk to her about just to help her out but as soon as my friend caught wind i was talking to her. He forbade her from talking to me... We all continued to be friends and days turned into months and months turned into years. They broke up finally near the end of our senor year and on one fateful night I threw a party for her and friends just to help her get through it. We all got really drunk and in drunken stupor i confessed my love for her. Apparently she seemed to always share the same feelings and on after that night we started having a relationship. It was absolute heaven for me, but that heaven soon turned sour as she would start to become agitated, stressed, and distant. She would run off on "errands" but, she was actually going to talk to her ex. (Didn't know at the time but had my suspicious perhaps i was just in denial) I talked to her about it and discovered she wasn't quite ready for a new relationship as she still had feelings for her ex. That she really wanted to be with me and that she only needed time. Well my thinking was that if i was willing to wait until the end of the world for her i would. So, i suppose we broke apart. Very quickly she put me at arms length and that soon became anger and disgust. She absolutely despised my being. Everything i did either pissed her off or would be the target of some distasteful looks. She appeared to be back with her ex and i accepted it? Anyways, as the situation stands i bought a plane ticket and am now living across the country. I think i'm only running away from my problems by coming here but i didn't know what else to do. Currently i am just keeping myself occupied as i wait for an answer from college. Which ironically is located where she is now staying. I would welcome any advice,help, consoling. Or, any attacks to my apparent beta personality. Any criticism really i think i'm just looking for someone to talk. Thanks
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Less than 5% of high school relationships actually last, so you might have a shot at being with her. Although I find it extremely disrespectful to your friend.
ShatteredDreams Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 You sound like my friend whom I've trusted so much. I would never let any guy hang out with my girlfriend in her dorm, but I let him watch a movie with her once, while I was on speakerphone with them. Big mistake. She started texting him more and more so I forbade her to speak with him. Then she started arguments with me about other things. Then she ended up hating me, started something with him while I was recovering from a suicide attempt because the one person I was ever able to love, gave the whole world to, broke up with me.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 You cannot build walls high enough or do anything that is going to stop someone from cheating on you! 1. You can't control someone else... So you didn't let her do anything. 2. Jealousy is waste of time and effort. 3. Jealousy makes you look weak, unattractive and it drives the person into someone else's arms. 4. People on the receiving end of jealousy often pay for crimes that they have not committed. After a while, they get to the point where they might as well cheat... Why be punished and miserable for nothing. If someone you are choosing to be involved with does not honor, value or respect the relationship or your feelings... Have some self-respect and do yourself a favor and end it! Otherwise, no matter what you say or do to stop or prevent it... It is only a matter of time before you are lied too and cheated on. Nothing can stop it! If there is no trust... there is no relationship! Spot On!!! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Author Lighthouse22 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks for the responses everybody. Reading them only put more emphasis on the truth I've tried to ignore. I realize that i spent so much time trying to fix her life that i forgot about my own and submitted myself to a lot of self-inflicted pain. I changed a lot about me to try to "fit" into her life. So in turn i wasn't being true to myself. Writing is my solace and it just sucks that i have spent so many nights writing about her and searching for answers in the darkness. What i did to my friend was pretty messed up, yet, i don't really have any serious remorse about it all. Because without it I wouldn't have learned as much about relationships, trusts, friendships, etc. But, the wheel keeps on turning eh?
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