PK Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 advice. Hi everyone! I just started dating anew after ending a three year relationship. Been going on a few dates with different girls and I finally met someone that I am clicking with; bright, beautiful and has a great laugh. This week she is taking me (4th date) to see the Cubs, which is great since I love baseball and Tim Linecum is pitching. For those in military families/relationships, how do you bring up the bad parts of our jobs, like watch, deployments, long hours, etc.? My last relationship ended because of this, and some of the people I have been seeing have the same opinion. It basically makes me feel really bad about what I do for a living at times. Also on a lighter note, her birthday is next weekend, would getting her a small gift (challenge coin commerating the humor of our first kiss?) and a card be ok? Our unit gets a 96 hour liberty that weekend too, thought about asking her to spend the day with me and going hiking on Sunday the day after her birthday. Any advice is appreciated.
blackwidow290 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 you sound like a very thoughtful and great guy, your approach is very considerate so in my opinion, you have nothing to worry about. Also, in my experience, being a very involved university student, some past boyfriends have ended the relationship because my being constantly busy, despite all my efforts. In the past year, I met a guy who was unlike the others, very supportive and appreciative of my sacrifices. It takes the right kind of man or in your case the right kind of woman to appreciate you.. and in my opinion, one either loves you or doesn't.. so all you can hope to do is be yourself, thoughtful, and the rest will sort itself out. hope this helps.
lacoqueta Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I honestly wouldn't worry about that if I were you. Surely she has heard what military life is like and yet she chooses to go out with you! If she really likes you, she won't care. My friend has been married to a pilot for 12 years and he's away a lot. She says she still gets nervous/butterflies when he comes home. Time away can be a good thing! I think your gift idea sounds great! I like the hiking idea as well. I wish we had places to hike around here! Enjoy the Cubs game, I just so happen to be wearing my Cubs shirt right now!
SuperElan Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I try to wait as long as I can to bring up bad news, that way they hopefully like u enough to stick it out. Except for herpes, nobody wants that sh*t.
Author PK Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Thank you everyone! I guess take one day at a time is the best approach. For the challenge coin, I was going to get it engraved with her name and celebrating her b-day on one side and the other side was going to say, "Just think of butterflies." Story behind that is when we were going to have our first kiss, there was an awkward period of silence. We both knew what was up, so I said "Just think of butterflies." Anyways she cracked up and then we had that incredible first special moment. But I thought she would enjoy it and she also already knows about what challenge coin is as well.
USMCHokie Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I try to wait as long as I can to bring up bad news, that way they hopefully like u enough to stick it out. Absolutely disagree. I bring it up fairly early (of course not the first or second date), but before we decide to step into the relationship phase. I'm not going to waste my time or her time if she can't handle it, because it does take a very special person to be able to faithfully date a military guy and handle the sh*tty parts about it. If a girl runs away after finding out the "bad" parts about dating a service member, then she's done you a HUGE favor.
skydiveaddict Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Absolutely disagree. I bring it up fairly early (of course not the first or second date), but before we decide to step into the relationship phase. I'm not going to waste my time or her time if she can't handle it, because it does take a very special person to be able to faithfully date a military guy and handle the sh*tty parts about it. If a girl runs away after finding out the "bad" parts about dating a service member, then she's done you a HUGE favor. qft. deployments etc, are part of your job. If she can't handle that, better that you know right away.
USCGAviator Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Hokie's right. I don't hide my awkward military schedule at all. I work night shifts anyway so my weekdays are shot, but I get every weekend off. It's best to be honest and up front on every aspect. You would expect the same right?
mhm407 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I'm dating a military guy myself. We met and dated for two weeks before he had to leave for 7 wks. He'll be home in two weeks and I have a serious case of the butterflies myself just thinking about it! Anyway, he told me on our first date about how often he has to leave and for how long. It didn't scare me away; I really like him and although I'd like for him to be around more, I just consider it the price of dating a hero I love the coin idea, I think it's really sweet!
curiousnelly Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I am dating a soldier. He told me within the first two months that it was likely he would either be moved to a different base soon or deployed. I won't lie and say it was an easy decision to even think about dating a soldier. Thanks to most of my family being in the military, I already knew about the deployments, the moves and the fact that soldiers cannot talk about certain things. Springing that knowledge on the person you are dating is hard, but it is better to do it soon. If they leave because of it, it will be sad... but better now than before you get even more attached to them.
Author PK Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 It is such a tough nut to crack, I think it is right to let her know about the lifestyle, but at the sametime I get scared over another meaningful relationship ending. I guess sooner is better than later, we will hopefully get a 96 this weekend, so I won't ruin it. Maybe the upcoming weekend we can have the talk, and if things are still going well, let her know how much I care for and respect her.
USMCHokie Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 It is such a tough nut to crack, I think it is right to let her know about the lifestyle, but at the sametime I get scared over another meaningful relationship ending. This is why you don't let it get meaningful until you know she's game... ...and if things are still going well, let her know how much I care for and respect her. Please don't tell her that...it's kind of sad and pathetic...just show her...
HeartOnSleeve Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I'm dating a special forces guy and he didn't have to tell me much...I did the research to figure out if it was something I could handle. And we both agreed not to get serious until after his first deployment to see if it was something we both wanted. Be open, upfront and honest about what you want and what you do. It's tough for us civilians to understand the time the military takes, but hopefully she will see YOU and want to learn more about what you do in the military to better your relationship. Otherwise she's not the girl for you. You should be proud to serve and not have to worry about if it will affect your relationship. Thanks for what you do! Good luck with your lady:cool:.
Recommended Posts