emg1988 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been dating for for 4 months now. We met on an online dating site, and after 5 dates we both knew we only wanted to date each other; so we decided to make it official. I knew from the beginning that our relationship was going to be different then most, he has a demanding job that consumes most of his time. And you know, that actually didn't bother me. I'm by no means a needy girl, I am completely fine doing my own thing once in a while. Whether it's alone, with friends or family. So let me just get to why I'm here. Basically he and I only hang out on the weekend, and not the whole weekend it's either just Friday or Saturday. Very rarely is it both. I think that has happened only once. We only hang out at night, the only places we've ever really been to are bars and movie theatres. I have also never seen him in the day time. I have never been inside his house (because he never invites me) but I do know where he lives. He said he wouldn't introduce me to his friends because that's just "something they don't do". I have never met his family, yet he is okay with meeting mine. When I text him, it'll sometimes take him days to text me back. When I call he doesn't answer or call back. Like for example, this past week I have tried calling him everyday once a day and does he answer? No. Does he call back? No. All I get is a text that reads, "I'll hit you up later" There have been times that I don't see him for up to 3 weeks and all I get is about 3 hours of his time. Maybe you're wondering why I'm still around then, because I know any other girl would have not put up with any of this. I'm still around because when we are together he is sweet, charming, funny, caring, and I just genuinely have a good time with him. All the anticipation of seeing him, all the missed phone calls and late text messages go out the window because at that moment nothing else matters than just being with him. I'm still around because I see so much potential in him. But what I want to know is if this is normal? Is it normal for a guy to not call his girlfriend back when he clearly sees that she wants to get a hold of him? Is normal to not see your significant other for a long period time even though that person only lives about 10 minutes from you? Or am I being played like most of my friends seem to think so? I say my friends because they have expressed over and over to me that this isn't right, that this isn't what a relationship should be like. But I don't think that at all, when he says he's busy with work or has made plans with friends, I believe him because I trust him. Yes, I wish we saw eachother more and yes I wish he would answer my calls. Just to know that he is in fact still there, but there are times I don't even feel like his girlfriend, or more so like I'm his girlfriend but on his terms. It's a strange situation I know, but it's gotten to a point where I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I really, really like him but at the same time I don't want to be stringed along like most people think I have been. What do you guys think I should do?
make me believe Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 It sounds like he just wants to keep things really casual. I don't think it means he's cheating on you. It may not be what you want from a relationship though, and that's ok. You don't have to stay with him if you're not getting what you want. When I was dating my now-husband, we only saw each other on the weekends for the most part because we worked opposite schedules. BUT we kept in touch everyday during the week, via phone & text. And we were together for basically the entire weekend from Friday night or Saturday morning until Monday morning. I think you should just talk to your BF. Tell him that you'd like to see him more often. Ask him again to meet his friends, and if he says no ask what he means when he says "we just don't do that." Why don't they "do that"?? In my experience guys usually love showing off their new girlfriend to their friends. Just tell him you'd like to be more included in his life, and see how he responds. If he isn't willing to accomodate you, find someone else!
Finch Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 It sounds like he just wants to keep things really casual. There's casual and then there's signals that could mean something's up. This to me seems like odd and suspicious behaviour. You see the guy once a week for a few hours, and he doesn't return calls, you only receive texts and even those are infrequent. You have not met any friends or family, nor have you been to his house. And you met on a dating site. Are you absolutely sure he isn't married or in a relationship with someone else? Having a "demanding job" can be a convenient excuse to cover any number of indiscretions. People have busy lives, yes, but something to me seems off here.
PegNosePete Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Only sees you at night, won't introduce his friends and family? Sounds like he's a vampire. Sorry couldn't resist! It seems like you two are incompatible. There has to be a practical element to any relationship. If he is not fulfilling your needs (which he obviously isn't) then it won't work. He may or may not be cheating, but I would just end it anyway. It seems he does not want the same level of commitment that you do.
Lucky_One Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Is he married? Have you ever Googled the county/city register of deeds or tax office to see who owns his home? If he's single and not involved with someone else, then a talk is definitely in order. If you have basic incompatibilities in how often you would be in contact or how you would spend time with a SO, then it is best to know it now.
vsmini Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I'm still around because I see so much potential in him. Potential is a wonderful thing - it really is. It has the power to do a lot to us. I stayed with a guy for a year and a half too long because of all the potential I could see in him. "no - he isn't want I want right now, not exactly but I know when he grows up a little and with a little more time he's going to be an AMAZING MAN and I want to make sure I'm around when that man comes to fruition." Oh the depths we dive to deceive ourselves is mighty. Is this what you're doing? Because it's not worth it. Talk to him and if nothing changes and you're still just going off potential it's a bad investment
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