just_scott Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 well i was datting a girl for 4 yrs [known her for 2 before datting] relationship was good never even raised our voices to each other . ONE day a little over a month ago she just walked out on me no reason or explination .DAYS later i stopped by her place to ask what's up ? i got the i don't love you anymore,i'm not in love with you anymore,you did nothing wrong,we're not a couple,i'm not your girl .... ATTEMPTED a couple of times to talk find out what happend all of a sudden ,i got ,their doesn't need a reason for everything [ i disagree on that one after 4 yrs together ], SAW i wasn't gonna get any real answers so went No Contact .we've been in N.C. about a month now . I have to break the N.C. to have her come and pick up stuff she's left here as i am moving .[ she has to go through things ] I strongly believe she is now datting or at least seeing another guy . I think IF we would have stayed in contact THAT would not have happend ...i don't know if she has g.i.g.s. or if he is a rebound .... I even believe she had met him either on her own or through some of her friends while we were still in our relationship ... AT first when i mentioned to her i was definatly moving [and she knows for sure i am ] i offerd her to swing by go through stuff [cd's ,movies,various items] she didn't have the time to do that,SO she asked if i was moving far i said not really ,SO she asked [niccely] if i'd be o.k. with taking the stuff to my new place and she would stop by after i moved and settled in and collect the things ? SO i said o.k. no problem. K i was thinking hmmm maybe she's going to use the things as an excuse to see me AND maybe talk to me .BUT if she's datting or seeing someone else now i just don't know if that's the case here ... THIS confusion and roller coaster ride of emotions SUCKS big time
Eddie Edirol Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 No contact isnt for you to get her back, it was for you to move on. If you stayed in contact, she would have told you to stop calling her. The reason she broke up with you in the first place is because she is dating someone else. THATS why she wouldnt tell you the reason.
Author just_scott Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 I know no contact isn't some magical tool to bring her back to me and it's for ME to start the healing process ,I just think when whatever happend with us to have her feelings change in anyway towards me IF we would have sat down and discusses whatever it was when it first appeard [ even if it was she was interestead in someone else] maybe together we could have looked at his qualities or whatever vs. mine and our 4 yr relationship and just said is it worth it ? is it worth it to us to split [ i guess i'd be the one more hurt cause she already had someone to go to ] is it worth ruining our future plans,is it worth dividing our friends over, worth the uncomfortableness when we run into each other just that kind of stuff BUT i guess right now she has blinders on ,i don't know if it's g.i.g.s. or a rebound [ don't think e=ven if i knew it would matter to how i'm feeling anyways ]
WTRanger Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 i got the i don't love you anymore,i'm not in love with you anymore,you did nothing wrong,we're not a couple,i'm not your girl .... What part about that makes you want this girl back into your life? What part about that makes you think that this is worth salvaging? What part about that is confusing? To me, it seems pretty straight forward that she doesn't want anything more to do with you on a romantic level. You are the one making this confusing because you are trying to Sherlock Holmes this. In reality, there is no need. There doesn't need to be a reason, only acceptance. Accept that you are done and start finding someone new. Label her leaving you whatever you want. BPD, GIGS, MMORPG, NASA, FBI, or any other cool acronym. It doesn't change the fact that you are broken up, she's emotionally unavailable to you, and she's put you in the past.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 It doesnt matter if it could be fixed, she didnt want it to be fixed. For some reason, could be many, whatever turned her off about you years ago, she let it slide hoping you would magically change. She didnt want to communicate it. After a while, she knew she wanted to end it, but she didnt give you the heads up. Usually people who have this sprung on them all of a sudden dont notice when someone is getting distant with them. You'll realize it in a couple months, all the clues will start coming back to you when your mind clears up. She wanted something new, and she got it. She also knows that she didnt want you. So if she comes calling in a month or so when the new guy doesnt work out, dont take her back, because she'll just do it again.
AlisaMarie Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 What part about that makes you want this girl back into your life? What part about that makes you think that this is worth salvaging? What part about that is confusing? To me, it seems pretty straight forward that she doesn't want anything more to do with you on a romantic level. You are the one making this confusing because you are trying to Sherlock Holmes this. In reality, there is no need. There doesn't need to be a reason, only acceptance. Accept that you are done and start finding someone new. Label her leaving you whatever you want. BPD, GIGS, MMORPG, NASA, FBI, or any other cool acronym. It doesn't change the fact that you are broken up, she's emotionally unavailable to you, and she's put you in the past. LISTEN TO WT- His posts saved me from looking like a desperate moron on more than one occasion! It's not your job to analyze it. Just take it at face value and move on. Vent on here... NOT TO HER!
Author just_scott Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 do i want her back now NO ,she walked out on me after 4 yrs,i believe once someone cheats and lies to cover it up the relationshipis done forever not even being friends ,others may do the counceling route and work through whatever issues NOT me . were their signs from her in the past i bet their were and they were probably slight little things that i didn't pick up on or made an excuse for like eh maybe she had a rough day etc . I just would have liked handeling it like 2 adults not the sneaky way she ended it by just walkin out because we do live pretty close to each other and we are going to run into each other sometime and now instead of at least a hi or a wave we're gonna avoid each other like the plague . I am having a hard time with aceptence she was my best friend mylover my girl we had many good times and now their gone just one day the brakes were applied and that was the end it was shocking to me and others who know us cause she never said anything but good about me to them and me AND the way she did it is not her at all it was a totally different person usually she'd be the first to say hey can we talk tonight about something ,if something was bugging her .and usually they were small things maybe a comment i made or hy she couldn't sleep the night before things like that an we always apologized , and did the never go to bed angry at each other thing ,we've never even raised our voices to each other
sun_moon Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 NC didnt fail, YOU failed NC. Its ok, dust yourself off, tell yourself its ok, and try and try again. NC= wanting and accepting situation=eventual healing process If you are having trouble accepting, you will fail at NC again and again and again. Your situation of NC was broken by you wanting her to get her **** out. While I understand that at face value this was logical, at some level on your part, it was done to get a one last attempt of some hope of reconciliation. Believe me I understand the difficulty of your situation. For NC to truly work, it is beyond no calling and texting. It is the complete erasing of all things to do with ex, including non verbal contact. ie her **** in your place. Specifically, in your situation, I would recommend taking the ok back, because she definitely doesn't need to know where your going to live. She said its over, so ok great, well you don't need to know my whereabouts either. Take control of your situation. She ended the relationship, you cut everything out. Pack everything up of hers, mail it, or drop it off at her place when you know she wont be home. Don't leave a note. Ideally, IF, in your situation, you carried something out like this initially, you would have felt and seen the rewards or how NC works, because you would be feeling better. Ignorance is bliss, and you can start your journey to healing. The first step is acceptance, then you will see the awesomeness of NC.
Recommended Posts