Al Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Okay for those of you that haven't read some of my past posts, I'll try to summarize as best I can. Awhile back I found my boyfriend's exgirlfriend's number in his cell phone (which I bought for him) and noticed that there were some calls back and forth between them. I confronted him and he said they were just friends and that if he can't get a hold of some of his guy friends, that he'll try her phone b/c she's usually with that group. He acted like it was no big thing and said to prove it, he would take her number out of his phone. Well being the untrusting one that I am, I checked his phone again and found a name under her last name. Naturally I confronted him again, and he said it was a guy who has the same last name. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I did nothing further. Well we've been having some problems lately and I found some text messages to the number under the last name, so on Easter I called it and got his exgirlfriend's voice mail. I confronted him yet again, and he admitted to lying to me only b/c I got so upset the first time I found her number in his phone but that they are just friends and I could call any of his friends to prove it. Well the next day, I did call his friend and he said he did see my boyfriend out out recently (so he wasn't where he said he was) a couple weekends ago but he wasn't with this girl. So after him begging and pleading to stay with me, that he only lied about the phone number, isn't cheating on me, will never lie to me again, etc. I agreed to try and make a new start with him-no lies. Saturday this exgirlfriend calls me, says she hears that I'm asking about her and my boyfriend and she says there's nothing going on so everything should be fine right? Wrong. Today I find out they went to a party together (from her) a couple weekends ago just as friends. Now this is after he tells me that she showed up at the same place later on with her boyfriend. Why would he lie about things if nothing is going on? And why would he lie after we agreed to get everything out in the open and start new? Now I don't know what to believe anymore. It seems like everything is a lie now. I'm so confused!
Becks84 Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I'm not condoning his lieing but I bet he's lying or simply not telling you things because you will get so mad, and he feels he is doing nothing wrong for you to get mad about, so he is avoiding the situation at all costs. Guys are good at avoiding things they don't want to deal with. Maybe you need to be a little easier on him. You have found no reason to not trust him. Maybe he truly is just friends with her. If you dont even like the idea of them being friends, which is totally up to you, then you two need to seriously talk about it and you need to tell him this and see what he does with it. Maybe ask him why it's so important to him that he stay friends with her, especially if it hurts your feelings. I would still be giving him the benefit of the doubt if I were you, but you mentioned that you are not a very trusting person. Maybe you both have things to work on and a little compromising to do. There's plenty more advice where this came from, so feel free to write back if need be. Good luck!
hurtingandconfused Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 First off, you are letting him "step all over you." Once you let a lie slip by it will happen constantly. What are you trying to do?? Are you trying to tell your b/f that you do not want him talking to his ex?? If so why?? Do you not trust your b/f?? Why don't you try talking to him. Let him know how you feel. I did call his friend and he said he did see my boyfriend out out recently (so he wasn't where he said he was) a couple weekends ago but he wasn't with this girl. This is bad. Do not ever ever...ever ever ever do this again. It makes you look bad. If you love your b/f then you should also trust him. And if he lies to you why are you letting yourself being lied to?
miz_barby Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Sounds like he is feeling guilty about something in order for him to be covering up and lying about things that (if innocent) are so dumb. Personally if my man hung around his ex especially if they were alone or together frequently I would have a problem with it. I feel it's okay to be sociable to your ex and respectful but there should be caution because obviously if they had feelings to each other at one point what's the likely hood that they have all died away and more so if they keep seeing each other and hanging out then he lies about it.....my advice is to be careful because he sounds sneaky!!
Author Al Posted April 20, 2004 Author Posted April 20, 2004 He does say that he has lied to me b/c he doesn't want to argue. But isn't it better to talk things out than to lie? I mean, I have no problem with him talking with an ex, which I explained in an earlier post. I talk to an ex of mine. But I don't call him and don't go to parties with him. I talk to him if we run into each other at a party or at the bar and my boyfriend knows everytime we talk, everything we talk about. What I don't like is the lying about it and the phone calls if they are "just friends." Why does he have to go behind my back to call her, etc. if they are just friends? Wouldn't it be easier to tell me the truth and prove that they are just friends? Lying about it only makes me second guess what he tells me. I talked to him about going to that party with her b/c he said that she showed up there and she says they went together. My boyfriend says that she is lying. So supposedly she isn't lying when she says (and he says) that they are just friends but now she's lying when she said they went to a party together. Cripes, who the heck is telling the truth these days? So now even though he's lied to me before, I'm suppose to believe him? I don't see why this girl would have a reason to make that up but I can see why he would feel he had to lie.
hurtingandconfused Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Can you live for the rest of your life worrying about why your b/f talks to his ex?? Are you going to be miserable as long as you guys are together? Is he really worth all this misery? If he's worth it, then TALK to him. It's not that hard. If there is no communication between you guys, then how close are you really?
Author Al Posted May 18, 2004 Author Posted May 18, 2004 My boyfriend and I had talked this issue to no end and he finally tells me that the reason he called this girl all the time was because he says he can't always talk to me. So great, he can't talk to be but he can talk to his ex, who he's been lying about having contact with in the first place. Well I got my cell phone bill a few days ago (his phone is under my name and on my account) and it shows all out going calls. He called his ex 15 times in the last month! That's more times than I call some of my girlfriends in a month. I also noticed that he called her 3 times after I got off the phone with him after we had a discussion about him moving back home. If you were talking with your boyfriend/girlfriend about moving back home and possibly separating, why would you call your ex if they are nothing more than friends?
Becks84 Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 Now I'm thinking differently than I did before. He seems to have no respect for your feelings. If something bothers you it should bother him too, because he should not want you to be hurting, especially because of him! You need to lay it on the line and tell him this is bull. There's no reason he needs to be so close with his ex, and there is no reason he should be able to talk to her about things that he cant talk to you about. Thats one of the dumbest things Ive ever heard. He either needs to be completely 100% in this relationship with you or he needs to get his butt out!
Ally Boo Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 This reminds me of the ex, I actually lead me to join this forum for answers. Basically, you can't trust someone who has lied, and you DEFINATELY can't trust a female...especially an ex. She's heard that you were asking about her...I wonder from whom? Possibly him? Basically, if you two haven't established in your relationship that you two can talk about anything without having a serious reaction, and the domino effect (which is what's going on now) there's no point in trying anymore. I mean, if he can talk to her about problems (whether that's really what they're talking about or not) that's enough reason for you to leave it alone. Leave it alone before you a) get hurt worse or b) hurt him worse for accusing him of doing something he's not guilty of. In either case, both of you are hurting, and he probably has questioned his trust with you for going behind his back and snooping. It's time to move on...
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