mackin80 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 We are both around thirty. Met this woman a year ago through some mutual friends at a party. That night she just happened to be reuniting with her high school sweetheart, so even though I found her to be very attractive, she was with him so I did not pursue. We hung out one more time at a party our friends had not long after but then did not see one another for a year, so I did not even think about her. In that year her and her ex broke up for good and at one point my friends told me she thought I was a good guy and cute. So five months ago (this was a year after meeting her) this woman, our two mutual friends and I planned a trip together out of town. The brief time we hung out before the trip and during the trip we got to know one another. We hit it off great... we think a lot alike, like the same things and seem to have the same long term goals in life. So we hung out as friends when got back and at that point I told her I wanted to be more than friends. She told me no cause she had planned to move move away in four months and was seeing someone else at the time (I was unaware of the other guy), not that it was serious but she did not believe in dating two people at once. She also felt that we couldn't just date cause I had feelings for her and she knew I would get hurt. I said ok. Did not call her for a week, even though I said I would continue to be her friend, not use to being friends after hearing no but we did always have a good time together as friends. When I did not call her for a week this upset her according to my friends so I contacted her to say we were cool. We hung out here and there over the next month and in that month she decided not to move (financial reasons) and stopped seeing the guy she was dating. So still within the month our friends tell me to hang in there and ask her why she would not date me already. She also talked to her mother and sister about me before this and they asked her the same...whats stopping you? So a month after she said no, she said yes but lets take our time and not rush into it and ruin it. I said cool. That night I got one quick peck on the lips, she could not get to her phone fast enough to tell our friends "it felt right". We saw one another three times after she agreed to date and I gave her a ride home from her job a couple times. I kiss her every time but I get cheek, I was cool I figured she would set the pace. Well the third date I got a real kiss. Everything seemed cool then a week later via text she says she did not feel a spark the last time, she is really confused right now about her life (we both have a bunch of bull**** in our lives to figure out) and she is afraid of commitment and is afraid we will work. So we talked that night and she told me all of these things. I was cool about it but let her know I was upset cause this was right to me. I agreed to still be friends but needed space for a while, so if she was my friend she could contact me at some point. Ended with a hug at which point she said she was feeling like she was having a panic attack and it did not feel right breaking up either. She turns to a hermit when she is depressed and not only avoided me at times the whole time I've known her but all of her friends and family too. I won't call her cause she dumped me, but what the hell is that?! Let me know what you think. I can't wait and hope she will change her mind but don't want to completely cut her out in case she does come around, beyond the bull****, this one to me is keeper.
2010_Sorry Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hi there..welcome to LS. Your girl sounds like she has a lot of insecurities. She is pulling away from you because she is probably feeling a lot of emotions that scare her. They scare her because she is afraid of falling too fast, and has concerns that you will hurt her.... and I don't mean intentionally. If you truly feel that she is a keeper and you're involved, you just have to talk to her and be honest about your feelings ALL OF THE TIME. She needs that reassurance that you are both feeling the way you do about each other and falling in love is about taking risks. Let her know that you're open and you don't want her to continue to pull away in fear. Good luck!
Author mackin80 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Thanks for responding 2010_sorry. From hearing opinions from friends, family and those online, I been called a sucker all the way to there could be something it could just be the wrong time. She has shown signs of being interested and signs that she's not. I just know I need to suck it up and go do my own thing, if she changes her mind her behavior will have to change too.
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