Seline Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hello I am enthralled by this forum! Having read many threads on jealousy and bfs and gfs who are still in contact with their exes I felt compelled to write. I have an ex bf. We had a long relationship that ended early last year so we have been split up for a year and a half. We had a long relationship that had its ups and downs and one down was so big that we broke up. We were both so sad but felt it had to be done, we were not happy with each other any more. We are still in contact. We both have new partners. I hear from him / contact him a couple of times a month and we see each other about every month sometimes spending a day together sometimes an evening out and we have even been away together and plan to do so again. My current bf finds this a little odd as he doesn't understand why we still feel the need to see each other. I explain that we were once very important to each other and although other feelings have faded that history will remain for as long as we are keeping in contact. He has accepted this I hope. My ex's new gf is also not keen on our rleationship but my ex has explained the same thing to her. Lump it or leave it - in words to such effect. As time has gone by I find myself comparing my current bf to my ex more and more. I don't know if he does the same. Honeymoon periods fade eventually in new relationships. As we only see each other every month I only see the 'good' things about my ex, never the bad things that appeared towards the end of our relationship. It is clear we enjoy spending time with other and we make the most of our time by being both happy and upbeat. We talk, share problems and we do discuss our currect partners. I am now finding myself more and more attracted to hime again. This was not the plan. Well not the conscious plan anyway. I really like my bf, though I don't know if it's love. I did however love my ex. What started as a 'healthy' friendly relationship bwteen two exes is now in my opinion on its way to becoming something more complicated. Now I am not sure how to proceed. I'm not sure if he feels the same but I notice him staring at me, and I recognise that stare! It's not the way you look at friends. So it's not an ideal situation. Maybe a few people want to remain friends with exes because they enjoy their company and genuinely just want to be friends. Something tells me this is not true of the majority though and that there is usually some underlying insurance policy of keeping someone close in case you want them back.
in_absentia Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 My biggest insecurity is partner's friendships/talking to exes, I don't care about female friends/looking at girls while out/pornography, and all sorts of other things the typical crazy girlfriend would be upset about but I do feel really sick at the thought of my boyfriend being in touch in any way, shape or form with an ex flame of his. Luckily, my bf hasn't had any serious relationships in the past few years so there's no reason to inflame my jealousy, I know he still speaks to people he's slept with (and who he is friends with) and that's fine. I have always written off exes 100% and blanked them for good after it's over because I wanted the same from my partners, but my current bf is realllllly non-jealous over this kinda thing, he doesn't mind me speaking to or keeping in touch with people I've had relationships or slept with and it's really refreshing. And for some reason ever since my mum died 6 months ago and I saw how my dad was there for us and her despite them being divorced and him remarried, how he got along fine with my mum's partner and how my stepmum came to the funeral and supported me, it's made me feel like life's too short and I want to be adult, and since I got with my current bf I've gotten back in touch with a couple of exes, just chatting online but generally clearing the air, I'm going to a gig with one and a bunch of friends and my bf is so horizontal about it it's unreal! He has a much healthier attitude than me. I also stay in touch via text with my last serious bf of four years, we're not exactly friends (ended badly) but we have the odd text convo about music, our shared passion. And I still speak to the last guy I dated who remains a very good and close friend. I'd stop it all in a second if my bf asked, though, or if any of my exes' partners cared.
pattiech Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Arrgh! This is not what I want to read right now! Remaining in contact with an ex is RARELY a good idea for the new partners. My bf is with his ex RIGHT NOW and I am just picturing them together, revisiting their old feelings, talking about their current partners.
Recommended Posts