Anna86 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Well, I just found out my ex seems pretty serious about some girl he has been seeing. He has always played it down to me and even flirted with me while they were together....But now I know it's serious as I saw that she is attending all these events on facebook with him. Clearly, I am not in contact with him since I found this out. This is KILLING me. I have been seeing a guy and I have now ended it as I know I am not ready to move on. It kills me inside that he is with someone new and I can't even date anyone!! It has been like 2months now since I have known he is casually seeing her and I am not getting any better. It feels like the worst feeling on earth. Does anyone know why it just cuts you up inside? When we broke up, I was upset. But now I feel worse that he is with someone new. Its a pain that won't fade. If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful for it. I have tried everything. I have GREAT friends who I am always with. I have dated a couple of guys since break up who have boosted my confidence. But the confidence only lasts an hour then I feel terrible again. I am trying new things and trying to make myself happy. It feels like physical pain right now. I just want to cure it!! If only there were painkillers for your heart....
Lucy2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Yeah if scientists could develop a pill for a broken heart they would make a fortune! I know what you are going through. I can't really give you any advice other than what you are doing, try and focus on your friends/job/family. Time is a great healer so they say, take small steps and don't rush into a new relationship if you aren't ready. Take some time out for you and try and look forward to happier times when you realise you are better off without him x
Author Anna86 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Thank you Lucy!! What a sweet message!! I am doing everything by the book...Keeping busy and all that. But he haunts my dreams. I dream of him!!! I can't control that.... Is time really the only healer? As I can't fully enjoy my life right now. Deep down inside me there is a great sadness and I just want it to fade. It has traumatized me!! Is anyone else in a similar situation? Did anyone else go through it and heal??
Lucy2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Is time really the only healer? As I can't fully enjoy my life right now. Deep down inside me there is a great sadness and I just want it to fade. It has traumatized me!! Is anyone else in a similar situation? Did anyone else go through it and heal?? I did with my first bf. We were together 5 years and when we split I was like you. I was heart broken, I mean seriously heart broken. I cried most days and it physically hurt. I'm not saying it got better overnight because it didn't it took a while. But I got there and now I can't even remember what I saw in him I think what saved me ultimately was work. I worked hard and forgot him. Instead of thinking about him all day I limited myself to say 10 minutes and then forgot to even do that! x
Leftie88 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hi Anna86 - I completely understand what you're going through, i'm in a similar situation right now where my ex has moved on and i haven't. It hurts so much plus i have the dreams too. I want it to be over but its true time plays a great deal in the healing.. so time needs to speed up in my opinion! I'm just taking the time to focus on myself, making positive decisions because i'm definitely not ready to be in another relationship.. just stay positive
just_scott Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Anna hey i'm in the same boat as you are right now ,it SUCKS my girl of 4 yrs just walked out on me one night and didn't give me a reasson , or explination .that was a little over a month ago , we have been in no contact about a month now ABOUT a week after she left me i saw her car and some guy was driving it and she was in the passanger seat , i felt horrable ,felt like i was gonna be sick no matter what i did for days after i couldn't shake the feeling or get the images out of my head i haven't even slept or ate really. i guess you just tell yourself they may not come back into your life AND if they do contact you i'd just keep it short n sweet don't let them see they've put you in pain . it bothers me a-lot to know she's out their moving on like not a care in the world while i can't even toy with the idea of going out it's a tough situation we're going through
Rose T Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hi Anna! Sorry to hear you're going through this. I know we were break-up buddies on LS a few months ago, ( ) I also had to endure news of my ex with another. The only way I got through it was by totally cutting him out of my life. Deleting and possibly blocking in your case on fb so you don't keep torturing yourself with the evidence. It's tempting to keep tabs on them but you don't want to do this, trust me. Please try and erase any last ways you have of keeping an eye on him, whether that be social networks or skype etc. I know you've kept a bit in touch with your ex but it might be time to do the real NC thing - as I've seen said on LS, pretend you're in a witness protection program and just disappear. Do it for good, do it for you. This is a really horrible thing to have to deal with and I really feel for you, I think you were really smart to finish with this other guy as it was a sign to you that you're not ready to date. Please do try and avoid updates on your ex though as I've found it feeds your feelings, keeping some sort of 'relationship' alive. If you don't find out new stuff about him, don't make new memories, eventually your brain seems to archive those memories you do have. Best of luck, stay strong and keep busy with your friends. We're here for you too.
lovesic Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Well, I just found out my ex seems pretty serious about some girl he has been seeing. He has always played it down to me and even flirted with me while they were together....But now I know it's serious as I saw that she is attending all these events on facebook with him. Clearly, I am not in contact with him since I found this out. This is KILLING me. I have been seeing a guy and I have now ended it as I know I am not ready to move on. It kills me inside that he is with someone new and I can't even date anyone!! It has been like 2months now since I have known he is casually seeing her and I am not getting any better. It feels like the worst feeling on earth. Does anyone know why it just cuts you up inside? When we broke up, I was upset. But now I feel worse that he is with someone new. Its a pain that won't fade. If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful for it. I have tried everything. I have GREAT friends who I am always with. I have dated a couple of guys since break up who have boosted my confidence. But the confidence only lasts an hour then I feel terrible again. I am trying new things and trying to make myself happy. It feels like physical pain right now. I just want to cure it!! If only there were painkillers for your heart.... dude, **** sucks, i know the feeling, but there is nothing to do except accept it and try and find **** to distract you. Im going through a ****ing rough time as well and life sucks bad, but even knowing that it wont last forever and planning trips with my friends and speaking to my sis and mom about it helps, as corny as it sounds. Ive been boozing like a savage and im going to take a back seat to that. I am not processing my loss and am avoiding the feelings of loss and sadness. Maybe just put on sad music and have a good cry. so defenitly not alcohol and random hook ups, just like in forgeting sarah marshall, when he ****s all those randoms and cries hahah, hope you feel better, and know that someone is searching for you , but you need to fix yourself first or else your just co depending, and thats worst than being alone.
Legacy1 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hang in there...I already assume my ex is seeing someone new and all of the advice is really good on here. Hang in there....as for the dating thing. Right now you are a roller coaster of emotions and I don't think is ready for that move yet. I know I am not as I am sure my ex will somehow come up and probably dominate the conversation. Just take your time on YOU/FAMILY, FRIENDS & WORK...the best therapy I know for a broken heart...and also good uplifting songs don't hurt either...I can't even listen to country anymore as it once was a favorite of mine but got to depressing....Hugs and hang in there..we are all here for you!
thelovingkind Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I too know the feeling you're writing about Anna. We've made it past the immediate danger zone of potential rebound but we're still not ready to date. It's so difficult accepting that your ex has moved on, and that you need to move on, but that emotionally you're simply not in a position to. It doesn't seem right that the two of you can be going on dates, going home, lying in beds with different people, and that for him it's exciting and blissful, while for you it's churning your gut with the wrongness of it all. But you know what, this is not a personal weakness on our part, this is a strength. It's proof of our commitment right there. When we said we were "serious" and "committed" we weren't just seducing ourselves and the other person with serious-sounding words, we were expressing real sentiments with real emotional underpinnings. It should be hard to let go. It's vindication for the depth and sincerity of our feelings. At the moment these feelings blight our progress in moving on but when we meet someone who reciprocates them they will help us weather tough times. So, I'm not saying don't move on. We need to. But don't try to move on by beating up on your emotions and making yourself feel like a fool for still wanting him. Your emotions are just doing their job and taking their orders seriously: to make you a loyal, committed, faithful partner. Use a positive kind of self-talk: "Thank you for helping me stand by my words and be a good partner, but this partnership is over and our work here is done."
california15 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 yep same boat. In my origional story I posted how he basically left me for someone else - moved in with her and told me "shes the one" after knowing her for only 2 weeks. All of the other posters had good advice I'm going to use for myself. It hurts. It literally ****ing hurts. But your not alone.
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