Dasilva045 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Long story short my ex of 5.5 years left me in april saying she wasn't happy because i was being overly mean to her and that she had fallen out of love. That same week she goes partying all week and has become a totally different person than the girl i fell in love. After 4 weeks on no contact, she texts me saying she wanted to meet me but said to be just friends. We hang out, she cries the whole time at dinner and then we kiss at night but she says she didn't have feelings. Yet, that whole week we hung out every single day as if we were together, however she kept saying she wanted to be single. So after trying to be her friend for a week, i couldn't take it anymore and told her that I loved her and wanted to marry her but that i couldn't stick around as a friend because it hurt to much and for her to leave me alone unless she wanted to be together again. What do you guys think is going on with this girl? she sent me extreme mixed signals for a week but didnt want to commit cause she wants to be single.
iceweasel6 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Long story short my ex of 5.5 years left me in april saying she wasn't happy because i was being overly mean to her and that she had fallen out of love. That same week she goes partying all week and has become a totally different person than the girl i fell in love. After 4 weeks on no contact, she texts me saying she wanted to meet me but said to be just friends. We hang out, she cries the whole time at dinner and then we kiss at night but she says she didn't have feelings. Yet, that whole week we hung out every single day as if we were together, however she kept saying she wanted to be single. So after trying to be her friend for a week, i couldn't take it anymore and told her that I loved her and wanted to marry her but that i couldn't stick around as a friend because it hurt to much and for her to leave me alone unless she wanted to be together again. What do you guys think is going on with this girl? she sent me extreme mixed signals for a week but didnt want to commit cause she wants to be single. Love it! Very straightforward, emotions on the sleeve, unambiguous transparency. Very secure move! If she doesn't respond, then she's either not available or she's unable to provide what your need. Let her chew on it and give her space. If she returns all confused and disorientated - don't attempt to orient her - it will only lead to failure. Tell her that you cant be friends and to respect your wishes not to be contacted. Period. Although I fear it may be true, she's seems to be very avoidant-anxious and likes keeping you on short leash when things in her life don't pan out as they want. It's possible the last 5 weeks she got out into the real world and realized what cold-unkind unforgiving place it is and ran to you for familiar warmth. If, and only if she not interested in resuming a relationship with you, tell her exactly why you are not interested in being her friend in the same secure way in which you told you what you expect and what you are looking for. All the best.
Author Dasilva045 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 it beens like 3 weeks of no contact since i told her i couldn't be friends anymore. Right now i get the feeling she's happy with her lifestyle because its all new to her. She loves going out and loves getting the attention of different guys. It just unreal how fast one person that you love with all your heart can change so fast.
Mnesic Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 it beens like 3 weeks of no contact since i told her i couldn't be friends anymore. Right now i get the feeling she's happy with her lifestyle because its all new to her. She loves going out and loves getting the attention of different guys. It just unreal how fast one person that you love with all your heart can change so fast. I know what you mean, I'm going through something similar.. Hopefully its only a phase and she will get over it
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 She wants to have the companionship of a relationship, but she just doesnt want a full relationship with you, thats why she wants to be friends. She lost her sexual attraction to you, but still has a platonic bond with you that she doesnt want to let go of yet. She wants to be able to hang with you, get over the platonic bond, and then leave you in the dust with no pressure from you to have a full relationship. She probably doesnt have someone to jump on right now, thats why shes bugging you with her bullshyt. You did the right thing but cutting her off.
Author Dasilva045 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 i dont feel she lost the sexual attraction as for the whole week we hung out she was all over me and we had sex the whole week. she claims i really hurt her with my behavior the past 2 months of our relationship and that she still hasnt totally forgiven me for everything. well i told her before i started NC that i was sorry for everything and that i did have issues that i was going to work on. We also both agreed that our issues were resolvable but right now she wants to be single.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Oh well in that case she just doesnt want the relationship part with you. either way, you lose.
Tayla Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 In what ways are you actively changing your behavior or her perception of your "meanness" towards her? Actions validating you are not the mean person she recalls can take months to reassure the other person. She may just as easily considered this a wake up call for you.
Author Dasilva045 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Basically some of the ways that I'm trying to change are my insecurities which then lead me to be more controlling of her, especially towards the end of the relationship. I wanted to spend every minute of the day with her and eventually she felt like i was trying to suffocate her and she became unhappy.I'm seeing a therapist now to help try to resolve some of these issues. She saw a therapist in the beginning of our relationship and she change, so i dont understand why see wont give me a chance to change. Also towards the end of the relationship i felt that after being together for 5.5 years i didn't need to actively pay full attention to her and took her for granted which sucks now because being apart 2 months has shown me just how much i love her and want to be with her.This statement is so cliche but so true in where "you dont know what you have until its gone."
Author Dasilva045 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 any more insight on my situation would be greatly appreciated!!!
iceweasel6 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Basically some of the ways that I'm trying to change are my insecurities which then lead me to be more controlling of her, especially towards the end of the relationship. I wanted to spend every minute of the day with her and eventually she felt like i was trying to suffocate her and she became unhappy.I'm seeing a therapist now to help try to resolve some of these issues. She saw a therapist in the beginning of our relationship and she change, so i dont understand why see wont give me a chance to change. Also towards the end of the relationship i felt that after being together for 5.5 years i didn't need to actively pay full attention to her and took her for granted which sucks now because being apart 2 months has shown me just how much i love her and want to be with her.This statement is so cliche but so true in where "you dont know what you have until its gone." Dasilva045 - I think your on the right track. Continue to grow and not contact her during this process. When the time is right - eg 2 months from now - you will have the security, confidence and clarity to know what to do. Whether it is to continue moving forward alone or to contact her and reconcile. Best of luck.
Author Dasilva045 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Im going no contact right now but its just hard losing the person you want to marry because of mistakes you have made. I know my flaws are forgiveable but she said she has not forgiven me for everything. She claims if she comes back its because she wants to marry me. What do I do if she never wants to reconcile?
Stens Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Dasilva, I am going through pretty much the EXACT thing. My gf of 5.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago, because she became unhappy. She too has turned into a complete different person and it scares the hell out of me. First 3 weeks were LC (shared a college course together) and after she deleted me from FB, have been NC for about a month. I'm also scared that she won't come back because she is enjoying the single life, because it's new. I've been writing a letter explaining myself and apologizing for the things I know I did wrong (and can fix what was once wrong). I'm not sure what I'm going to do (I want her back so bad), but I know if I was in the situation you were in, I'd say the same thing.
Author Dasilva045 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Stens, its the worse feeling in the world. Mine went from a sweet innocent loving girl to this wild crazy seeking party person. The transformation she made was amazing but i know the real her and the real her is the one i fell in love with. Hey if you dont mind send me an email to [email protected] explaining your full story and ill reply back with my full story. It really sucks when you go from the top of the list in one persons view all the way to the bottom of the list.
MovingOn13 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Bro, read my older posts if you want regarding my break up. We too dated for 5 plus years and then in the last 6 months since the break up she parties all the time, and got a new tat ( nothing wrong against tats, but this wasnt the old her). It's really far to common. Guy meets girl...girl and guy date...honeymoon stage is over...then comfort stage...then guy or girl gets bored...ungrateful, or curious whatever you wanna call it and they want out. Often times they want out knowing you will always still be there. Good job on not allowing this. NC, better yourself, and move on. Become the best you to attract the best girl for you.
iceweasel6 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 i dont feel she lost the sexual attraction as for the whole week we hung out she was all over me and we had sex the whole week. she claims i really hurt her with my behavior the past 2 months of our relationship and that she still hasnt totally forgiven me for everything. well i told her before i started NC that i was sorry for everything and that i did have issues that i was going to work on. We also both agreed that our issues were resolvable but right now she wants to be single. Everyone seems to be skipping over this, but this is very important - what/how did you act (specific example) over the past two months that hurt her?
Author Dasilva045 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 In the past 2 or 3 months i really took her for granted such as not paying enough attention to her, i stopped doing the small things, and i let school, work, friends, and sports get in the way of paying enough attention to her. she would call sometimes and i wouldn't switch over to pick up the phone for her. Also when we hung out i would get very cranky and short tempered and constantly try to put her down for my own pleasure i guess. I've seen over the past 3 months that she was right in saying that i had to change. It sucks cause it only took losing her to see that my behavior over the past couple of months was unacceptable. I've really started to mature and start doing things on my own to prove to myself that I can change and will change for the better.
Belkan Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) Nvm ur on the right path Edited July 4, 2011 by Belkan Rush reading
Author Dasilva045 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 The hardest thing in all this is trying to forgive myself. Its hard to forgive myself when you had the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life in front of you and for some reason i acted up to the point where she no longer wanted to be with me. Now i dont know if she hasnt forgiven me or even if she does will she come back?
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