Mnesic Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Me and my girlfriend had broken up a week ago, prior to the breakup I had growing suspicion of her and another guy that was said to be only a "friend". I had let her go with him bathing suit shopping because he was the only ride she had at the time, and after wards he took her out to eat at a restaurant. Normally when she would go out with her friends, they would go as a group and he would be a driver, so it was the first time that I agreed on letting her go alone with a guy. We had broken up because I was unable to trust her. I just found out that those two are now really close after we broke up and they are dating / flirting a lot. I've been with her for about 1 year and 8 months on and off, we were never separated for more than 1 month. I've been in this scenario before and it ended up me breaking up with her over growing suspicion and trust issues, and it would always turn out to be true, this is the 4th time that it has been true and predicted by me. I convinced myself I had paranoid personality disorder because I kept jumping to conclusions, assuming, and saying things that I had no evidence on other than my gut feeling. When I had told her I didn't like her seeing that guy she told me she can never imagine herself with him, he was is unappealing, unattractive, she even told him that I said that and he laughed it off. Now that she and this guy are sending messages on facebook like, "Babe you make me happy <3", it kills me to see that I don't know what to do. I called her once but she had me on blacklist and it went straight to voice mail. So I texted her twice and sent her a very long e-mail. I still love and care for her very much I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been breaking down more than ever and antidepressants don't do ****. No wonder she hasn't spoken to me in 3 days, shes busy with another guy, all I'm wondering is if I was cheated on and I didn't know about it. What do you guys think I should do?
Lemontang Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Put simply if she has been running around behind your back when you were together then do you really want her back? If the answers yes then it's time for a reality check dude. Do yourself and a favor and take some time out. Often when we find this out it can cloud our judgement and we do stupid stuff as a result (Been there, done that). Sometime you'll even go as far to think "ok maybe she won't do it again". If you've actually found out about previous ones then your only kidding yourself, and short changing yourself not to mention your own self respect (Though admittedly an ex of mine was damn good at covering her tracks and despite knowing of some instances I didn't know even half of them till after the fact). Don't even bother contacting her, in fact go further than NC and black list her in return, block her number, emails, facebook. She didn't give you 100% then why sure as hell should you? Don't feed her breadcrumbs let alone eat any in return. Hanging on to a cheater only does damage to yourself. There are people out there that actually understand and respect when it means to be in a relationship, best you go and find one that does, but first take time out for yourself. I might also add counciling does wonders, to assist people getting back on track, I did it and I'm thankful I did. I find drugs to be a last resort so I trust you're speaking with someone as well who has your mental health in there best interests.
Author Mnesic Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Put simply if she has been running around behind your back when you were together then do you really want her back? If the answers yes then it's time for a reality check dude. Do yourself and a favor and take some time out. Often when we find this out it can cloud our judgement and we do stupid stuff as a result (Been there, done that). Sometime you'll even go as far to think "ok maybe she won't do it again". If you've actually found out about previous ones then your only kidding yourself, and short changing yourself not to mention your own self respect (Though admittedly an ex of mine was damn good at covering her tracks and despite knowing of some instances I didn't know even half of them till after the fact). Don't even bother contacting her, in fact go further than NC and black list her in return, block her number, emails, facebook. She didn't give you 100% then why sure as hell should you? Don't feed her breadcrumbs let alone eat any in return. Hanging on to a cheater only does damage to yourself. There are people out there that actually understand and respect when it means to be in a relationship, best you go and find one that does, but first take time out for yourself. I might also add counciling does wonders, to assist people getting back on track, I did it and I'm thankful I did. I find drugs to be a last resort so I trust you're speaking with someone as well who has your mental health in there best interests. Thanks for your reply lemontang, she just called me and confirmed that she and the guy is dating.. I guess its time to move on.
errlack Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Check out this thread for some advice on what to do next: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199355&page=1 but yeah, she is dating some else. Her interest in you has bottomed out. Your calls and texts are going to, at best, inspire pity and, at worst, be intensely annoying. There is nothing you can do while she's in the honeymoon period with someone else besides get your life together. I went through the same thing. hardcore NC is the fastest way to feel normal again. i think if you give it a few months you will realize you don't want her back anyway.
Author Mnesic Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Check out this thread for some advice on what to do next: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199355&page=1 but yeah, she is dating some else. Her interest in you has bottomed out. Your calls and texts are going to, at best, inspire pity and, at worst, be intensely annoying. There is nothing you can do while she's in the honeymoon period with someone else besides get your life together. I went through the same thing. hardcore NC is the fastest way to feel normal again. i think if you give it a few months you will realize you don't want her back anyway. Thanks errlack once again I sent her a last text message , I'm not going to bug her anymore shes pretty sprung over this guy and what he has to say to her, she even told me hes the first guy to care for her genuinely ...
errlack Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 i suppose i should add that, eventually, my ex broke up with the guy she left me for... and cautiously began to sniff around. very cautiously, heh. I have no clue what her intentions were, but I saw more of her in the week after she broke up with this new guy than I had in the 5 months since the break up (actually i hadn't seen her at all until that point). By that point my attraction to HER had bottomed out so i have continued with NC. had i been more receptive to her probing who knows what might've happened. my point is that patience and NC are the keys in this scenario. hopefully that gives you a little hope.
errlack Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Thanks errlack once again I sent her a last text message , I'm not going to bug her anymore shes pretty sprung over this guy and what he has to say to her, she even told me hes the first guy to care for her genuinely ... yes, he is prince charming now. but we all have warts and his will show eventually. It seems like young women have to go through a phase where they jump from guy to guy to realize that nobody is going to fulfill them 100%. best of luck to you. I swear that NC will help.
Author Mnesic Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 yes, he is prince charming now. but we all have warts and his will show eventually. It seems like young women have to go through a phase where they jump from guy to guy to realize that nobody is going to fulfill them 100%. best of luck to you. I swear that NC will help. I wonder if that reverse psychology stuff would work , because I was the one who dumped her and treated her not so nice compared to this guy i guess, so would it still be a rebound ? She started dating him in under a week. I know the point of NC is to heal but do you think there would be any 2nd chances?
wilsonx Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) I wonder if that reverse psychology stuff would work , because I was the one who dumped her and treated her not so nice compared to this guy i guess, so would it still be a rebound ? She started dating him in under a week. I know the point of NC is to heal but do you think there would be any 2nd chances? You dumped her because you suspected this was going on. I told you on your post yesterday that you were right. Guess what you got your conformation! GO NC and move forward with your life. I took a cheater back and guess what she did to me, left me for a 37 year old coworker... shes 23. The pattern will not end, I promise you. You know why Im kicking myself after the fact, because when her and I were best friends she told me she cheated on her 3 year bf before me 3 times. Hello (I AM AN IDIOT I AM AN IDIOT SIREN SIREN) Edited June 27, 2011 by wilsonx
Author Mnesic Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 You dumped her because you suspected this was going on. I told you on your post yesterday that you were right. Guess what you got your conformation! GO NC and move forward with your life. I took a cheater back and guess what she did to me, left me for a 37 year old coworker... shes 23. The pattern will not end, I promise you. You know why Im kicking myself after the fact, because when her and I were best friends she told me she cheated on her 3 year bf before me 3 times. Hello (I AM AN IDIOT I AM AN IDIOT SIREN SIREN) Thanks again wilson.. I guess Ill have to move on, what a waste of time this has been. I gave up school and my friends to be around her more often. and Im left with nothing
Lemontang Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I wonder if that reverse psychology stuff would work , because I was the one who dumped her and treated her not so nice compared to this guy i guess, so would it still be a rebound ? She started dating him in under a week. I know the point of NC is to heal but do you think there would be any 2nd chances? Dude that's rebound to a tee, but seriously don't go chasing her thinking reverse psychology is going to work, let alone try and pick back up the rebound when that relationship fails. Your just compromising yourself and adversely telling yourself what she did 'repeatedly' was ok, things will be different now. No they won't be, don't even go down the 2nd chances path. You'll still be a doormat, even if the mat is moved inside for a few weeks/months. You'll be out in the cold again before you know it and so the cycle will continue. Also don't take it as a waste of time, rather a building block or lesson learned. I don't regret for a second the time I spent with my cheating ex, but I'm also smart enough to know I would regret it if I got back with her again. Especially since I've now grown so much from the experience that to put it bluntly and without trying to sound like I have an over inflated ego, I'm simply now out of her league or too too damn good for her that I'd get bored just being with her. I learn't a lot from the fallout that ensued and what I'm willing to both accept and not accept in future with future partners. I'm not saying the path to indifference to her that you just don't give a damn will be easy, heck no, and yes you will stumble (all the more power to you if you don't). But even if the light at the tunnel is dim, after walking a few miles you'll notice it becomes a lot brighter.
Author Mnesic Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Dude that's rebound to a tee, but seriously don't go chasing her thinking reverse psychology is going to work, let alone try and pick back up the rebound when that relationship fails. Your just compromising yourself and adversely telling yourself what she did 'repeatedly' was ok, things will be different now. No they won't be, don't even go down the 2nd chances path. You'll still be a doormat, even if the mat is moved inside for a few weeks/months. You'll be out in the cold again before you know it and so the cycle will continue. Also don't take it as a waste of time, rather a building block or lesson learned. I don't regret for a second the time I spent with my cheating ex, but I'm also smart enough to know I would regret it if I got back with her again. Especially since I've now grown so much from the experience that to put it bluntly and without trying to sound like I have an over inflated ego, I'm simply now out of her league or too too damn good for her that I'd get bored just being with her. I learn't a lot from the fallout that ensued and what I'm willing to both accept and not accept in future with future partners. I'm not saying the path to indifference to her that you just don't give a damn will be easy, heck no, and yes you will stumble (all the more power to you if you don't). But even if the light at the tunnel is dim, after walking a few miles you'll notice it becomes a lot brighter. Thank you again Lemontang! I appreciate your answers, I hope he is a rebound, and I wish for their relationship to fail.. even though I wished her and him good luck. I hope I can be in the stage you are in now, and not have to go through all this BS. This was a big wake up call for me and I learned a whole lot. I'm doing much better with my coping than a few days ago.
RIO5 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 God gave us men the 'gut feeling'. Listen to it! It worked perfectly for you. You knew something wasnt right. Thats your red flag! If your ex had high interest in you, she wouldnt be hanging out with other guys. But your not missing much; your ex had no integrity. Everyone else is pretty much on point with what you gotta do. Remember when it comes to dealing with the female species...listen to your gut...its there for a reason!
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