chill123 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Me and my girlfriend have been going out for over 1 year and 7 months, and things were going great and everything was fine. However, recently she has been acting weird with me and giving me the 'cold shoulder', when i finally asked her she said look i dont want to hurt you, but i dont know how i feel about you anymore, i asked her what do you mean and all she kept saying was 'thats what i dont know, im confused, there is something there for you but i dont know what, i think its love not sure'. Recently her mum has gone away to see her family in Germany and she is all alone in the house (as she only lives with her mum) she said maybe its because my mum has gone and im being wierd.. it could be anything. She doesn't even say 'i love you' anymore. We have just finished college and we are going to the same university together in september, away from where we live and we planned this for a long time, she said she will wait until uni to see how things are between us and will only make a decision about us in uni. she said she doesnt say 'i love you' because she could say ' i dont love you anymore' right now but in uni her feelings might change and she could say 'i actually love you'. Im so confused i have been calling her telling her how much i miss her love her etc. She has stayed an extra year in college because of me, she has done so much because of me and i have done so much because of her. My friend recently told me to not call her often and to just pick up her calls maybe a few times not alot, as this would make her 'miss me'. Is this the right approach? I really want her back, and i would do anything for her to say the words 'i love you'. She said shes busy alot so she will try and see me soon but dont know yet. Please give feedback i am very hurt and upset
wilsonx Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Me and my girlfriend have been going out for over 1 year and 7 months, and things were going great and everything was fine. However, recently she has been acting weird with me and giving me the 'cold shoulder', when i finally asked her she said look i dont want to hurt you, but i dont know how i feel about you anymore, i asked her what do you mean and all she kept saying was 'thats what i dont know, im confused, there is something there for you but i dont know what, i think its love not sure'. Recently her mum has gone away to see her family in Germany and she is all alone in the house (as she only lives with her mum) she said maybe its because my mum has gone and im being wierd.. it could be anything. She doesn't even say 'i love you' anymore. We have just finished college and we are going to the same university together in september, away from where we live and we planned this for a long time, she said she will wait until uni to see how things are between us and will only make a decision about us in uni. she said she doesnt say 'i love you' because she could say ' i dont love you anymore' right now but in uni her feelings might change and she could say 'i actually love you'. Im so confused i have been calling her telling her how much i miss her love her etc. She has stayed an extra year in college because of me, she has done so much because of me and i have done so much because of her. My friend recently told me to not call her often and to just pick up her calls maybe a few times not alot, as this would make her 'miss me'. Is this the right approach? I really want her back, and i would do anything for her to say the words 'i love you'. She said shes busy alot so she will try and see me soon but dont know yet. Please give feedback i am very hurt and upset I hate to tell you this but, I would back away a lot. I mean almost run away. If I was you, DO NOT CONTACT her again. Walk away, start working on yourself. Did you do anything wrong in this relationship? Probably not so dont sweat it. You probably stayed the same and she changed The reason for this is because she is probably interested in another guy right now and is probably seeing him and seeing how that works before she gives you the official boot. She is stringing you along to see if he is better. Don't believe me? Read the 10000s of posts here dealing with the same situation. Even my situation was similar to where I told her I loved her several times and nothing was ever said back. When even my friends told me this, I REFUSED to believe them. Guess who was right and who was blinded by foolish love? But go straight to No Contact. Do not text her, do not call her, do not respond to her unless she says, I think I made a mistake, we should get back together or somewhere along those lines. If she says I Miss You or I Love You... Ignore it.
Author chill123 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 I hate to tell you this but, I would back away a lot. I mean almost run away. If I was you, DO NOT CONTACT her again. Walk away, start working on yourself. Did you do anything wrong in this relationship? Probably not so dont sweat it. You probably stayed the same and she changed The reason for this is because she is probably interested in another guy right now and is probably seeing him and seeing how that works before she gives you the official boot. She is stringing you along to see if he is better. Don't believe me? Read the 10000s of posts here dealing with the same situation. Even my situation was similar to where I told her I loved her several times and nothing was ever said back. When even my friends told me this, I REFUSED to believe them. Guess who was right and who was blinded by foolish love? But go straight to No Contact. Do not text her, do not call her, do not respond to her unless she says, I think I made a mistake, we should get back together or somewhere along those lines. If she says I Miss You or I Love You... Ignore it. Hey, thanks for the advice, i made her speak the truth but she told me for sure that there is no guy and if there was she would 100% tell me so trust me at the moment there is no guy because i know she would tell me if there was.
Author chill123 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 UPDATE: There is no other guy atm, because she said she will 100% tell me if that ever happened, and she is a serious type of girl, we are moving to the other side of the country so there would be no point of her seeing some one because she only is committed to a log lasting relationship i.e. we had marriage plans (she brought it up first). PLUS she has never been to where we are going so yeah.. Please reply all comments are welcome
wilsonx Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hey, thanks for the advice, i made her speak the truth but she told me for sure that there is no guy and if there was she would 100% tell me so trust me at the moment there is no guy because i know she would tell me if there was. Look man, sigh... lets wait for other people on the forums to respond to this. I THOUGHT THE SAME THING. My ex lied to me for 3 months even while she was living with me. Even the very last night here she said the same thing. Women lie. A few days later after she left, we met up and I FINALLY got her to admit the truth. She had feelings for another guy and I said deuces but it took everything I had to finally get the truth out of her. Shes not going to tell you the truth because #1 she doesnt want to hurt your feelings #2 if that doesnt work out shes wants to come back to something she knows and trusts.
Author chill123 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Look man, sigh... lets wait for other people on the forums to respond to this. I THOUGHT THE SAME THING. My ex lied to me for 3 months even while she was living with me. Even the very last night here she said the same thing. Women lie. A few days later after she left, we met up and I FINALLY got her to admit the truth. She had feelings for another guy and I said deuces but it took everything I had to finally get the truth out of her. Shes not going to tell you the truth because #1 she doesnt want to hurt your feelings #2 if that doesnt work out shes wants to come back to something she knows and trusts. but she is a serious type of girl, i mean we are moving to the other side of the country so there would be no point of her seeing some one because she only is committed to a log lasting relationship i.e. we had marriage plans (she brought it up first). PLUS she has never been to where we are going so yeah.. Okay lets assume there was another guy, she might even like this guy etc.. what do i do just try to get it out of her or still keep doing the distance thing with her (not pick up her calls or texts unless its important) ?
errlack Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 (edited) but she is a serious type of girl, i mean we are moving to the other side of the country so there would be no point of her seeing some one because she only is committed to a log lasting relationship i.e. we had marriage plans (she brought it up first). PLUS she has never been to where we are going so yeah.. Okay lets assume there was another guy, she might even like this guy etc.. what do i do just try to get it out of her or still keep doing the distance thing with her (not pick up her calls or texts unless its important) ? hey bro, things change. people change. my ex pulled the same kind of thing wilsonx was talking about. lied to my face and hid the new relationship from me. I thought she was the "serious type" too. maybe she is just getting cold feet. this is a big step in your relationship. regardless... yes... give her space. I wouldn't initiate anything (flat out ignoring her might be a bit strong, though). IF there is another guy any neediness is going to destroy your chances. Personally, I would assume that the break up is permanent and try to move on as best you can. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Edited June 26, 2011 by errlack
Author chill123 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Okay, well im just unsure when to pick up and when not to call her. because the last time i spoke to her was yesterday evening, when should i pick up her calls or ignore them?
california15 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 I agree with wilson. Don't hold your breath this whole thing sounds wishy washy to me - "shes busy but she'll try to see me but she doesn't know yet." (sorry I dont know how to work the quote thing everyone else does) If she wants to see you, she will see you. Doesn't matter how busy she is. You make time for important people in your life. Even if it is for 30 mins on her way home from a 12hour shift at work. If she wants to see you, she will make time for you. And the whole "i love you" thing is bothering me too. I see it this way; if you love someone you want to tell them. If you don't, then you won't tell them. My ex used to tell me "You say I love you too much. We don't need to say it everyday or every week even"... WTF right? Red flag. I think she's trying to be nice and let you down easy IMHO. Give her space. Don't wait around for her, because if she knows you're doing that, she'll know you'll be eating out of the palm of her hand and she can string you along as you wait for her. Don't be that guy.
TheHurtProcess Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 but she is a serious type of girl, i mean we are moving to the other side of the country so there would be no point of her seeing some one because she only is committed to a log lasting relationship i.e. we had marriage plans (she brought it up first). PLUS she has never been to where we are going so yeah.. Okay lets assume there was another guy, she might even like this guy etc.. what do i do just try to get it out of her or still keep doing the distance thing with her (not pick up her calls or texts unless its important) ? I'm sorry to say this, but that is exactly what we all thought about our exes before everything went down and look where it got us. You need to consider the possibility that she may be lying to refrain from hurting you. My ex was also supposedly committed to a long-term relationship. Right before everything went south she was talking about getting married, having children and all that shiz. You know... the whole "Forever" thing. I too thought she was a "serious type of girl", as I'm sure every other guy in this forum was thinking the same exact thing about their significant other, even days before their breakup.
Author chill123 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Cheers Guys, Its been like a week or something now. Things are weird but far from normal, i mean she STILL DOESN'T say i love you, which is killing me i keep a bit of a distance and stuff but honestly what do i do, i know if i loose her there are plenty of fish in the sea and there are hundreds of girls out there. Ive been in a relationship before etc etc but i know it will be very hard to find another girl like her again, and it will be hard to 'fall in love again' especially after the extent im going through with her. Someone help.
Chi townD Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I hate to say this to you, but I agree with Wilson 100%. If there isn't another guy, she's interested in someone else. She basically gave you the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech which is CLASSIC for a cheater to say. Most guys on here would say that there girlfriend or wife would NEVER cheat on them only to come back here an say I can't BELIEVE SHE CHEATED on me. Now, I'm not saying that this is the case, but if you do find out there's someone else, be prepared for the " He's just a friend" and "He's not the reason we broke up" speech.
Author chill123 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Okay an update is that, we are having a break and she keeps sending me texts such as 'i dont want u to leave, your my everything' and other stuff like ' il do everything i can to get myself sorted' What do you think :S
TheHurtProcess Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Okay an update is that, we are having a break and she keeps sending me texts such as 'i dont want u to leave, your my everything' and other stuff like ' il do everything i can to get myself sorted' What do you think :S She's BSing you... She's just stringing you along. Don't listen to the lies. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. Just go NC and heal. Don't play her games. If you continue to play, you're only showing her how tightly she has you wrapped around her pinky finger and that she can continue to walk all over and take advantage of you. Do you seriously want to be her backup plan? She obviously has you sitting on the back-burner right now. You should be her number one priority. Remember that. Demand everything and accept nothing less my friend!
Author chill123 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 She's BSing you... She's just stringing you along. Don't listen to the lies. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. Just go NC and heal. Don't play her games. If you continue to play, you're only showing her how tightly she has you wrapped around her pinky finger and that she can continue to walk all over and take advantage of you. Do you seriously want to be her backup plan? She obviously has you sitting on the back-burner right now. You should be her number one priority. Remember that. Demand everything and accept nothing less my friend! Wow your so right man, were still together but its STILL going on!! :/ Its killing me still!!
TheHurtProcess Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Wow your so right man, were still together but its STILL going on!! :/ Its killing me still!! Well then, perhaps it's you who needs to break it off. Like I said "demand everything and accept nothing less". If she isn't giving you her 100%, then perhaps it's time you find someone who is willing to do so. Either way, it appears as if the two of you could use some time apart. Just give her some space and perhaps she may rethink things after you leave her be for a while. Don't expect it to happen too soon. A week or two is nothing compared to the couple to several months it may take her to come around (if it ever happens).
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