Commitment question

[Seasick]

I posted this in my other post but if I can get some thoughts on my question in general, are there still people out there who believe in lifelong commitment and for better or for worse or is it all a myth? You'll stick around until it's not really going your way. I am so confused and wonder am I part of a dying breed of being a dedicated and committed person to my spouse. I can't believe how common this is.

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[willowthewisp]

Hi Seasick,

 

I haven't read your other thread yet but wnated to respond to your question.

 

I beleive in lifelong committment, very much so. It is my view that when one marries that spouse becomes part of your family, just like children are part of the family, you do not walk away from your children when they do something you do not like, spouse for me is the same. Of course abuse IS a reason to leave a marriage, whether that be emotional, physical or adultery but otherwise, no.

 

Look at the older generation, by parents generation and my grandparents generation. Divorce amonst these generations is rarer, look at all the spouses celebrating 50 + years of marriage. These people got married at age 18, 20 and are still together at age 70, 80.

 

What amazes me is that people of todays generation seem to think that marriage will always be happy, be plain sailing. These people that just give on their marriages do not consider the fact that those of the older gernations have had to WORK to keep their marriages.

 

I think part of the problem today is that there has been a decline in moral values, people have an entitlement attitude and I honestly beleive that some people do not how to love. I also think part of this stems from the fact that people are so quick to have sex with each other nowdays too. Sex has become a physical, recrecrational act and I think this has contributed to the decline of VALUE in other people. I think it's a combination of this andpeople being bought up more selfishisly in a culture of disposal. (Just my opinion and I am sur ethere will be others who disagree).

 

So, in answer to your question, yes there are still people that beleive in lifelong committment, sadly I do think we are the minority today, this is what depresses me so much about what my ex has done to me. I no longer have any feelings for my ex as a person, to him, I fell indifferent. To what he has done to me though, I feel hurt, anger, sadness, depression and frustration. I am currently trying to accept that I am extremely unlikely to ever have another relationship, because I simply cannot compromise my moral values and every guy I meet expects me to and I don't just mean sex, I mean I am finding I have an extremely different view of marriage and relationships. My view is about trust, respect, companionship, friendship, empathy, caring, love and passion for each other. Most peoples view is, what do I get from this relationship, how does this person make me feel, I want and need them to...etc.

 

To me, that is not marriage.

[2.50 a gallon]

Seasick

 

No, we are not married, but I am totally commited with my GF of over 15 years.

 

Life has thrown the both of us several curve balls and the relationship has been tested many times. The passing of my father, her mother, suicide of her only son, her only grandchild has been taken away from the family by the state, my only sister and I no longer communicate, we are older so have health problems, etc.

 

But through it all we have always been there for each other.

 

Temptation has come my way several times, but there has been a "No Vacancy" sign above my heart since almost the begining of the relationship, and since then nobody else need apply.

 

And in a few months we will have put in 16 years.

[dicky_fish]

I do to and I'm 23 and proud of that fact. I decided about a year ago that I wanted to marry my girlfriend, regardless of what life threw at us because we had each other. A month ago she broke up with me due to that pathetic thing they call G.I.G.S and I can't really put into words how disappointed I am. I'd put every petty annoyance about her to the back of my mind because I knew they didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but as soon as we hit a rocky patch she bailed out on us because when it was her turn to do a bit of leg work she ran away from that responsibility.