Agronaut Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hello everyone, First of all, I am not here for a session of moral, I left it behind a long time ago so don't bother. Ok my story is this, five years ago I used to date a fantastic girl, she was my highschool sweetheart, and we got along really well; however, due to me wanting to study abroad and she wanting to settle we split... we stopped all contact and went on with our lives... However, a few months ago I returned back home and decided to look for her. And to my surprise she had already gotten married and even had a child. But the story doesn't ends here, I also heard another part of the story, of course not from her: her husband was a mysoginist that threats her like ****, they divorced 2 years ago... but somehow she went back to him (after taking counseling) and right now she's trying to "save" her marriage. And here's where I come into the picture, after going back home I heard all the story, and of course I emailed her. She told me that yeah, her life has been a mess but she will be ok... send me a beautiful farewell and wish me goodluck. I decided that if that's what she wanted I would leave things like that... but then it happened, a mutual friend told me all the things this piece of crap did to her and my blood started to boil. I couldn't stop it and I send an anonymous e-mail to this piece of **** threatening him that if he ever did something to her or to her child I would literally kill him. Of course the coward didn't repply to me... but he took revenge on her. After hearing what happened, I decided that I would take her out of that marrriage whatever happened, and since then I started e-mailing her again. I have started to seduce her, seducing her badly. She's quite responsible and moral, so of course she didn't want to do anything... but a few weeks ago we meet and well I won't explain the rest... she stopped all contact with me for a while but after a few weeks of me e-mailing and seducing her she gave in to me and started repplying again, pushed also because her husband is back to his old mysoginst self. So the thing is this: I am trying to keep her lured by me so she doesn't put any effort to save her marriage, because if she shows some real interest in "saving" her marriage again her husband may respond to that (aka try to reform again). If she doesn't put any effort into it and wait for her husband to try to fix himself, I know that he will only grow in frustration and that will make him show more mysoginist tendencies. However, the thing is that I also know that I am mostly responsible from all of this, before me he was really trying to reform, so my fear is that he that I want to make sure that this piece of **** doesn't do anything "good" before my ex-girlfriend finally decides to leave him for the second time (and right now I am pretty close to that point). So I would appreaciate any recomendation in this department. I know that you may judge me, but as I said at the begining, I don't care at all. Whatever the case the most likely scenario is that he would go back to his old self sooner rather than later, so I am only saving her pain and a life she doesn't deserve. What I think is that if he truly wanted to change he would have handle things differently even on a situation like this one. But alas, thank you all for reading this and your repplies
Trimmer Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 (edited) First, I think you are arrogant to believe that you are capable of - and entitled to - secretly manipulate the outcome of this woman's marriage. I think you believe that, by your actions, you will control the outcome. I think that what is much more likely to happen is that by your actions, you will indeed influence the marriage, but you will do so by introducting chaos, and the effects on the marriage will be very much unpredictable. You are playing with fire, and once you start it, you certainly won't control who gets burned, or how badly. You already had a taste of this when you took it upon yourself to threaten her husband directly, and big surprise - it didn't turn out as you expected: the blowback ricocheted onto her. You think you will be able to control all the outcomes any better going forward? And I believe that you are showing great disrespect to your old girlfriend by keeping the full extent of your motives from her. I don't even care so much whether you have respect for her husband or for their marriage, but you profess to care about her, and here you are attempting to change her life in a major way, and not even having the respect to be honest with her about that. You're treating her like a child who not only needs to be "saved" from the outside, but can't even be trusted with an honest, adult discussion of the truth of what you are doing. Why are you doing this again? Because you love and respect her? And this is how you show her? By specifically working at cross-purposes to alter her life from the path she has chosen, presuming to know what is best for her better than she does, without giving her the benefit of discussing it or even revealing your motives or intentions? Presuming to "save her from a life of pain and a life she doesn't deserve" when that is the choice she has made, for reasons you may not even be aware of? No, I don't think I have any helpful suggestions as to how I think you should carry that out. Edited June 26, 2011 by Trimmer
imagine Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 "Misogynist" is a broad term. Did he physically hurt her, emotionally abuse her -be specific. Divorce is almost as permanent as marriage, maybe she went back because of the child. Is she divorced at this time? What is your plan between you and this woman?
Author Agronaut Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Ok to begin with, I had never threat her like a "little girl", on the contrary, I have already told her that I want her to leave her husband, that's what I am aiming for, she's not moving on by fear (since her family is very traditional, she won't be able to go back to her husband ever after leaving him twice, and in general that letting the world know that she had an affair before leaving her marriage) and hope that things will change... so I am giving her a little push by showing her that I am really into her and she has outside options. And by mysoginist I mean a man that systematically tries to destroy her self-esteem by verbal abuse and, sometimes, physical abuse. So yeah he verbally abuse her a lot and has once physically abuse her (that was the cause of the divorce). The thing I am more worried about is that her self-esteem is going down the drain, when we used to date she was really energetic and with a lot of dreams, now she has such a poor image on herself that it almost makes me feel pity for her. She married him in the first place because she got pregnant by the way. And no, I don't think she's stupid or that she is easily manipulated, on the contrary she's among the smartest persons I had ever met. However, with all the harm he has done to her she's trapped on a vicious relationship since now she thinks "she deserves it", by seducing her I am saying that I am trying to show her that she doesn't deserve that crap, that she has outside options and that she is a fantastic girl that could easily find someone else that won't treat her like ****. But whatever the case, as I said I don't think I have to justify myself On my plans, obviously I want to try something serious with her, but I also I can't promise I will be able to settle down with her since first I need to see if I can fit in her new life... but I am really serious about this.
Chi townD Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Okay, first off, her being in a bad marriage or not, that's not your choice. It's a choice she made. Because, like it or not, SHE'S MARRIED!! You're not being supportive, you're being disruptive. Hell, you wrote an e-mail stating for him to stop it and he took his revenge out on her anyway. What did you do about that? Did you call the police? Did you call Social Services? Nope, not that you wrote. She just took the beating (emotionally or physically, or both) and your answer to that was to try and seduce her? Really?
Author Agronaut Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Of course I am being disruptive, that's the only thing I can do; calling social services, the police or whatever would be disrispectful to HER since she explicitly told me to stop intervening in her marriage (obviously), after I heard what happened. So the for me to do anything it must be ONLY if she wants me to do it. Me mailing her husband was maddness and a mistake, I know it, I lost my head there. In order to really do something for her I need first to "convince" her, and for that I need to undo some of the harm he has done to her (particularly to her self-esteem), so yeah I am gladly being disruptive, but only indirectly now as I should have done it from the start (only trough her).
Trimmer Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 ...she explicitly told me to stop intervening in her marriage.... ....so yeah I am gladly being disruptive.... You will not be able to control the outcome, and you are creating the risk of making it worse for her. Look up the military term "clusterf*ck". I wish her good luck at getting her life straightened out, and the hope that your brand of "help" doesn't leave her worse off.
rafallus Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I hope you can stand for yourself in a fight, there's always a risk her hubby will want to take on you. Even if it will not save his marriage, having several bones broken and teeth lost can't be much fun, I imagine. And don't forget accidentally hitting pavement with your head which can end your little existence altogether.
imagine Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 There is no-one who is compatible in marriage. Usually both are ignorant at the nuptials. Sex keeps them together until one of them acts on a selfish desire to escape. There are times that a couple needs to quit. Either for neglect (abandonment), physical abuse or adultery. They need a someone who can judge outside of the situation. You have a vested interest. Would you marry someone who took their promises so lightly -especially if it were this lady that you would seduce.
Maggotface Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 There is no advice for you here on how to contine to persuade her because what you are doing is simply manipulative and wrong. She has asked you to stay out of her marriage, if you cared about her at all like you say you do you will respect her wishes. You are treating her like a child, acting like you know what is best and trying to control HER situation it is HER life not yours you need to leave her alone like she has asked. The only reason she has had any form of an affair with you is because you have pestered her continuously until she just cracked, she resisted you repeatedly and you wouldnt take no for an answer.
Trimmer Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 And no, I don't think she's stupid or that she is easily manipulated, on the contrary she's among the smartest persons I had ever met.... ...by seducing her I am saying that I am trying to show her that she doesn't deserve that crap, that she has outside options and that she is a fantastic girl... Another example of unintended consequences that you will not be able to control - if she is such a smart person, then when she really goes over all of this in her head and her heart, she will suffer significant anguish that she is cheating on her husband. I'm not defending him - he sounds like he may well be a prick, but that doesn't even matter. Irrespective of him, if she's an intelligent person, she will realize that it's a reflection on herself, as an individual, that she is cheating on her husband. She won't come out of this feeling like a "fantastic girl." Dumb people in bad marriages think themselves blameless for having an affair; people with some amount of intelligence, even if the marriage is bad, still take responsibility for their actions. You think you are bolstering her self-image and self-esteem but what you are doing is creating a situation that will damage her self-image even more, a situation that she will regret and have great anxiety over. This will create more internal pressure for her, and will add even more complication to her life and her marriage, and ultimately more damage that she will eventually have to heal from. You can't even imagine all the ways you are screwing things up with your simplistic, short-sighted approach...
OldOnTheInside Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Guys this post is a troll Ta... Good luck OP. Just know that playing God with other people's lives doesn't work like it does in the movies.
Memphis Raines Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I didn't know tough guys sent "anonymous" emails threatening to kill someone:o
Space Ritual Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I didn't know tough guys sent "anonymous" emails threatening to kill someone:o NOW THAT IS THE BEST REPLY I HAVE SEEN ON ANY THREAD IN MONTHS!!!!
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