spiderowl Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 (edited) I've known this guy for a long time now. When I say 'know', I mean I've spoken with him only a few times. He plays music in a band I see regularly. He always plays brilliantly but he sits with his band and occasionally gets a drink at the bar. That's about it, no real socialising with anyone, just occasionally chats to another musician. When I first went to the venue, years ago, I was not interested in him. I didn't really know people there anyway and I wasn't physically attracted to him so he didn't stand out for me. It was probably obvious I wasn't interested. Now, for some reason, I've started to feel interested in him. He is an outstanding musical talent and, from brief conversations, seems a decent guy. I've been more and more impressed with his playing and feel it says a lot about him. I've heard him play some really sensitive tunes and I've now grown rather attached to his big blue eyes But, I've still had hardly had any conversation with him. There is just no opportunity unless I sit in with his band! I guess this guy is a man of few words and it may be that he'll never be the chatty type, but I would like to get to know him and find out what he's really like. Having shown him a distinct lack of interest in the past, I can't expect him to suddenly start showing interest in me. I'm not likely to bump into him and I can't see him going out of his way to chat to me. I think he's probably shy but it's really hard to tell. Is there any subtle way I could encourage this guy to talk to me? I'm not the type to flirt outrageously or deliberately bump into him. There just seems to be so few opportunities to get to know him. It's as if he's in business mode all the time, focused on the music. I still hardly know the guy, despite seeing him regularly for years. I know he has been married before and is now divorced and has a child of around 10. (I learned about the child from him but about the divorce from someone else.) He has obviously managed to be in a relationship before though it didn't last. Given the number of occasions he plays music in the evenings, I can understand that would test most relationships. Any suggestions for a way forward or is this a lost cause? Edited June 26, 2011 by spiderowl
Author spiderowl Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Hmm ... if the lack of responses is anything to go by, it is hopeless!
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Next gig, amp up the volume a bit and be a bit more flirtatious. If he's a flat-liner, he's either not interested or perhaps his M ended because he discovered the other team. Let it go. If he's interested, he'll be proactive.
FeelingSmall Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 It took me a very long time to learn much about my boyfriend, and a few months of seeing eachother on a regular basis before we even went out on a date... Also a man of very few words. I asked him out for coffee and did that a few times before I learned anything of substance about him. It certainly isn't hopeless, but it may take time and patience. Ask him out for a coffee, or maybe a beer after his set.. It's worth a try if you're interested!
Author spiderowl Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks to both for responses. I'm sure you're right, Carhill, in that he would show interest if he was. I've never seen him show interest in a woman, he just plays his instrument (no, that's not a euphemism!) and is dedicated to the music. I couldn't ask him out and feel I couldn't flirt either. I'm no good at that stuff! I keep a distance myself until I feel I can trust a guy and even then I don't flirt but just be friendly (it seems to work, usually when I don't want it to). This guy almost seems a bit severe. He has such status in the group because of his talent and I don't think he suffers fools gladly, though he never says anything, just sets the standard really. I think unless he made an effort and showed some interest, I'm better off forgetting about him. Surely he should take some initiative, but then again I've been off-putting before with no eye-contact and stuff so I can hardly blame him for seeming remote.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 You cant expect him to take some initiative, when you DONT want to take some initiative. He clearly doesnt notice you. So until you make a bold move, its a lost cause.
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Do you know how to make a man aware that you're available? Take a quick look at . Watch her eyes. Few do it better than Ingrid.
Author spiderowl Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 I think he probably is shy but I also think he should show some initiative; after all, others do. I guess I'll have to drop some hints. Ingrid is impressive indeed and she has the advantage of being incredibly beautiful, which probably helps.
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