angel87 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Hello everybody! I ran into this website while i was looking for any info that could help. Here is my story and feel free to make any comment or suggestion. My marriage started when i was 17 and my wife 18. We would have been married 7 years in September of this year. We have two beautiful kids. My wife would allways put the effort in our marriage. I was the typical a@#hole that tought i had everything undercontrol. I taught that i didnt love my wife. My mind was set that if she left me i could find someone else. Boy was i wrong!!! i know that i cant live without her. Our marriage took a spiral down last october. i found her making out with a family member in my own house. When i question her, she said she didnt know what she was doing. That she blanked out. The situation took a toll in me. BUT i never decided to leave her side. In march i met a new friend and decided to use this as my revenge. i spent most of the time with my new friend during march and april. i would see how she would hurt and i was enjoying it. I would ask her "how does it feel?". She would cry, beg, and do anything possible to open my eyes. By the end of april, i noticed she was distancing herself. She was partying and coming home late early in the AM. We had a heated argument and i kicked her out. Thats when my revenge flipped on me. It has been two months that she has not been home. I have begged her and cried for her and have told her how much i regret everything. She has filed for divorce and is moving on with her life. She is getting her apt next month and already purchased a new vehicle. there are some days that it looks like there is hope, BUT somedays she treats me like trash. She says she doesnt love me no more. She says that she is talking to someone else and failing for him. C'mon!!! Within two months?!!! the thing that gets me confused, we has sex two weeks ago. not once but twice on different days. One day she was sober and the next day she was drunk. She was the one coming onto me. What shoud i do?!! Should i just back off and start my a new life? should i give her space and realize what she had at home. dont get me wrong, there were times that i did treat her like a princess and show her my love. The hardest part about the situation, my kids ask me when is mommy and daddy going to get together again. My son told me today "Dad, i want my family back. You and mommy together"
2010_Sorry Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Unfortunately, it sounds like the marriage was pretty rocky to start. I have always heard you are supposed to love your spouse like they were leaving tomorrow. I know it's much easier said than done, but it seems that you treated her pretty badly, making her think that she was not important to you. This was not respecting her. Chosing to meet up and spend time with a new friend as revenge is also immature, and another display of disrespect. Here's the thing... she has said she wants a divorce and is moving on. You have to show her respect this time, and allow her to make whatever decision she wants. Be patient, answer her calls, do not yell or be irrational... be honest when she talks about the new boyfriend, explaining that it hurts and you would rather not hear about it. I'm sure it is tough, especially when you're kids are asking for your family back. Remain calm and prove to her that you have changed. Good luck!
Author angel87 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 I accept that it was inmature. I know i did wrong. I regret it. Trust me. She has gone off on me like if she has the devil in her, BUT i always keep my cool and just ask her to calm down.
coolheadal Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 We don't have kids buy my devil wife treads me like dirt. Here I sit and I am all lone in the house except for our two dogs I know they're sad with out their mom. Our for me it's over and wife doing things that some here say she's cheating.. My story is on going.. I won't be at piece until I am in the rental truck/van with tow of my car driving out the driveway into the sun. She'll party after I am gone with no electric here. I shutting that down when I exit. Not much you can to with wives like ours she's paid down for 2 room apartment townhouse and moves into that in August. I am sure yours just wants you as a friend too. More like boy toy. When then want something they come back and you and I give them what they need until they push you one side
Author angel87 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 damn bro, sounds like we in the same boat, lol. Well i know that my wife is partying every weekend now and getting drunk at least twice a week. She never did this when she was with me. She was a social drinker. The company she is hanging around are plp that have been divorce and its not there first divorce. so what kind of advice might she be getting? i know she has me as her toy dog right now, but after reading some forums on here and talking to some buddies of mine, i think is time to let go. i have lost 30lbs since she left me two months ago. I am at home thinking about her while she is out partying with guys/girls and me getting more depressed by the hour. enough is enough. my goal is when she request something and its not for the kids, she will be ignore. i know its going to be hard, but she has stomped all over me too much. i hope that when she wakes up from "wanka" land, its not too late
Author angel87 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 k. here is an update. we both went to court yesterday for temporary custody. She finally agreed to share custody with my kids. Im happy!!! She agreed on the amound for child support. another win! we had a little back and forth about what she was going to take. in the end after arguing we agreed i was going to stay with the bedroom set and pool table. she would be taking the sectional and tv(ouch). when i signed the paperworkd as far as an agreement, my wife tells me "you just sign your death letter. i cant beleive you sign it" in my head i was like, WTF??!! we are hear because you are the one filing divorce, NOT ME. sooo confused!!! after further thinking and talking to family/friends and some sleeping on the topic, i made the decision today to give her the bedroom set. i called her today to her work and she didnt want to talk to me @ first. finally she decides to call me and i told her i wanted to change the arrangments just a little. i told her what my decision was as far as the bedroom set. all i get from her is a big FU and that the only reason i was doing that was because according to her, my new GF got me a new one. LMAO! 1) i have nor talk to other women 2) why would she blow up like that??!! im confused. she calls me 10 minutes later and starts to ask question why i had a change of heart. i told her i want for my kids to be in a good home as far as not missing nothing and that also good plp gave me good advice as far as not to think selfish. her remark was "i was your wife 7 years and you never listen to me, but your friends/family come along and you listen to them" wait.... if she would show no interest in me or doesnt care at all about me, why is she picking up fights?! the only answer i gave her was, i have made mistakes in the past and i am slowly changing my bad habits. next thing you know, she tells me that she doesnt have a concrete date on when she is getting her apt. oh, btw by her attorney orders, she needs to pick up all her belonging this thursday. i dont know how she is goin to do it, but by thursday i need her things out. the reason im thingking like that, is because as soon as she takes her things, i will be getting deliver new couches and a bedroom set. am i sounding like a bad person? am i rushing things? what do you think about her ways of talking to me? oh, one last thing, yesterday after court i walked her to her car. when we got in the elevator i asked her for one last kiss. we kissed like when we first met. after this, im reallyyyyy confused!!! LOL
coolheadal Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Why did you kiss her... Your just going to have issues with that one. She's the puppet master and your the puppet! Mine is like that too. I am fighting her now as she attacks me. She tells me I never listen to her. But I told her you don't listen to me. She said true. I don't have to listen to anything you said I told her. So she said find don't talk to me again. That's what we're doing now. She said yeah. Stupid! I can't stand her after getting that to see what was in the Clinic Lab report. I can't stand mine I hate her. Such a liar. Anyway yours just going to dig in to you. Don't let her otherwise she has a temper like mine I see. They blow-up and attack you. When they blow-up I would throw a bowl of cold water on them. But then I would wet the sofa. So good idea though! Take your time with this one though and watch out man! Don't give in to the temptation!
Author angel87 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 LOL!!! You are right, they sound the same. are you sure they are not sisters?! LOL j/p. well i know i know, as far as the kissing i just wanted to find out if she would stop me or go along with it. the thing that gets me she responds well!!! if a person hates ur guts, they would try there hardest to avoid any communication/contact with that person. BUT you are right man, im the puppet, lol. its hard avoiding temptation, but i think is time for me to step it up and avoid her at all cost. the last time we had sex was two weeks ago and she was the one that came on to me. but i need to become stronger and just avoid her. do you think that could her change? or this a lost cause with her already? move on?
Author angel87 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 well........... today is the day. She is picking up all her things. She is leaving me an empty house. i am having a bad day @ work. its one of those days that i dont want for 5 oclock to come along. i have been thinking alot as far an not going back to her and begging her and crying to her. last night, she texted me and we joked around our text. i was at my parents house also last night when she decided to call my mom and she agreed to meet her up today. im soooo confused. why would she want to meet up with my mom???!!! why would she text me and joke around???
Author angel87 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 just alittle update on my situation. over the weekend we had a little fight over the kids. i manage to get the situation under control and get her from been mad back to been calm. we had a conversation after that in regards how our marriage got to the point of a divorce. i let her know that she is not the same person that i met 7 years ago. i told her that in her eyes i could only see anger, hatred and hurt. she admitted that she feels that towards me. i told her that i knew it was my fault and apologize for doing everything i did. as we continue our conversation, she finally admitted that she misses me and she said i love you, BUT fast jumped to say "i dont love you". looked like her guard was down for alittle bit and her true feeling came out. yesterday she finally cancel her cell phone under my contract and got it under her own name. i am so confused as to one minute i see her true side about her feelings but the next it looks like she is moving on. i am ready to just give up and dont bother with her no more. does anybody have any helpful advice that can help me cope with my problem? Thanks!
Author angel87 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 if a person says that she is no longer in love with you or has no feeelings towards you or hates you, would that person still have sex with you???!!!
Owl Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Because you allowed it to happen. Here's my take. If you're divorcing...the own that. Divorce. Take some time to grieve the end of the marriage/relationship...and drive on. I'm not saying it's easy...but what I'm saying is that you're signing papers and agreeing to things when you're still clinging to the hope that she'll come back to you. And you're still accepting whatever emotional interaction she'll offer to you. But given what all has happened...what do you truly see as the outcome of all of this between the two of you?
Author angel87 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 i know that my wife still loves me. she put the divorce because she is acting in anger. just this weekend she told me she missed but she doesnt want to leave her stubborness to the side. just yesterday she was telling me how she is enjoying how the house is empty. she took everything. little does she know that im just waiting for her to take the bedroom set so i can go and get a new bedroom set and couches. she think she is destroying me financially BUT i am just waiting for her to get everything out so i can start rebuilding. when i hold her close to me, she looks at me with so much passion and then she snaps out of it. spoke to a couple of friends that have been helping me throug this moments and they tell me that she is confused about her feelings especially after we had sex yesterday. what do you think owl?
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