iriedawta Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) For the past 25 yrs, I have endured and made excuses for his close encounters, cheating, being unmotivated to secure a stable job or help raise our kids, being judgmental and unavailable. I hit my limit when he took a sudden emotional interest in his high school "friend". Putting her wants/needs before me & our kids. Increasing broken promises and commitments to our children and finally seeing a sex text sent to her left me no choice but to kick him out of my house. He is currently living with a relative who will most likely lose his house to foreclosure and so my ex is on a path to being homeless. I told him to ask his high school "friend" if he could “crash” at her place and he said that she said “Go be with S---“ (me). I still have feelings for him. I feel like I have to “rescue” him and for some reason. I feel guilty & scared about him being homeless however it is apparent that we cannot live together. I also can’t keep having our children witness our situation of him being a slacker and me being a doormat. I know I have to stop “saving” & enabling him so that he can “grow up”. He is 52yr and I doubt he can change but I have to not worry about him and put more time into improving me while continuing to raise our kids single-handily. What I just can’t understand, and he has never responded to my repeated questions on this, is why bite the hand that feeds you? Why would someone mess over the one who has your back? How can a person be so lazy? Maybe the real question should be why am I accepting crumbs from this crumb bum….. Please chime in with your feedback. I just feel attached because we have been together (more or less) for soooo long. Edited June 25, 2011 by iriedawta
quankanne Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 25 years is a long, long time to be together, and I totally understand your hesitancy to end a relationship. but ... it breaks my heart to hear you ask why he does these things to someone who has been as loyal as you have been, because as an outsider I can see that he has absolutely no respect for you or y'alls relationship. He's only thinking about himself and feels no responsibility because he knows you've got it all covered. I guess the question boils down to this: Can you continue spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't respect you? Committed relationships are less about love than they are about a certain level of respect, and we shouldn't tie ourselves to someone who can't be bothered to give us what we automatically give them. You don't have to settle for less just because you've had him in your life for 25 years and don't feel comfortable with the idea of starting over ... stay only if you can honestly live with the kind of life he's offering, and not for any other reason. love is important, but it cannot be one-sided in a relationship, nor can the love you have for someone make everything work if they're not willing to meet you half-way ...
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