Love?

[ALLDAYMJ]

I have been married for two years and with my husband for four years. I am 37 and he is 28. I was completely in love with and dedicated to my husband initially. We were married in '09, about 7 weeks after we were married, on my 35th birthday, a man called me to inform me that my husband was "messing" with his wife. This woman (who is my age and was and continues to be best friends with my mother-in-law) had been having an extended "telephone afair" with my husband since February of that year. All of us work together and EVERYONE KNEW but me. There were thousands of calls and texts between them. He claims they never slept together. I don't beleive that, but at the time I was so deeply in love I decided to make it work. I can't say that the past two years have been completely miserable, but these are the facts: in the past two years ny husband and I have had sex 18-20 times max, I have to beg him to spend time with me, he never makes plans for us, romantic gestures are rare, I feel ignored and taken for granted and he recently informed me that he isn't sure if/when he wants to have a child with me. The straw that broke the camel's back came in May when we went on a cruise that I paid for and he gave me flack about paying for a pedicure for me. I lost it. Something in me broke. For me this cruise was a last ditch effort to try to get our relationship back on track. I was so depressed. He said he was fine. In my mind I separated from him. I have given myself three months to figure out what to do. I used to stay home all of the time. Now I have started going out ns socializing and spending my money on me. I will say that in terms of taking more responsibility and initiative for the house and caring for our home he has improved. But, there is still very little intimacy, emotional closeness between us. We had sex twice two weeks ago, but he is so paranoid about me trying to get preganant that he can't sustain an erection - so he says. I am very attractive, I get compliments all of the time, nice body, nice personality. I am african american and wear my hair natural. Most men tell em they love it. I husnabd ahs told me that on no uncertain term he HATES my hair. This makes me feel that I am even less attractive to him. I make 6X the money he does. The house and everything in it I purchased. All fo the bills are in my name. I don't need him to be there for any other reason than the fact that I love him, but I don't know why anymore. He seems to exist in a world all to himself and doesn't see the importance intimacy or seem to crave it. I am not sure if he is cheating now, I think he was, but I have no proof. If he were to leave, I think I'd be ok, but I don't want to be the one to end it. This is my second marriage. This first one was abusive. Does that make sense?

Now, part II of my problem. At the end of April my sister asked me to call on her best friends to help her plan a birthday party for her. I had met him at a superbowl party she had earlier in the year and there was an instant connection. I had asked her questions about him and began learning about him. At the time he had a girlfriend. My sister had surgery in April and he came to visit her at the hospital. I thought I would come out of my skin. I had never spoken to him really, but his attraction between us was unreal. So, I was terrified at the prospect of speaking to him on the phone. I knew it have the potential to get me in "trouble." I was so right. Our first conversation lasted three hours. We both knew at the end I knew that it could be so much more, but I didn;t want to think about it becuase I was married and I knew that my HATEFUL sister would be infinitely opposed to and jealous of me dating on of her friends. Meanwhile I tried to forget him and went on the cruise with my husband. I was our second anniversary. We did not have sex once. Well, I tried to get something going, but when I realized his eyes were on the TV i just gave up. Then when I realized that he hadn't plan to give me an anniversary present I was THROUGH. When we got home off of the cruise that same night I went to see the other guy. He held me while I cried and we slept together. I told my husband I was going out with friend out of town. He didn't even notice I walked out of the house with a duffle bag. Didn't call to check on anything - he never does. He either trust me too much, or doesn't care. I have seen the other guy publically twice since then and met up two other times. I travel for work and it is easy for me to be out of the house. Plus, my husband never questions. He seems releived that I'm gone.

Since that time the other guys is falling for me and has started to pull away. He says he doesn't want to get hurt. I know it's wrong, but I miss him so badly, yet still have feelings for my husband. I like having a relationship, but I don't think that my husbnad and I have a recipe for longterm happiness. I think I just like the ides of having somebody. My husband is a selfich person. He doesn't mean to be, it jsut comes naturally to him to put himself first. He has a difficult time showing emtion. Yet I fear that the relationship with the other guy wil never work out because he will never truly trust me. He is a great guy. 32, works hard, no children. There are no children involved. The other guys wants children. My husband doesn't, but did not disclose this to me before we married even though we discussed it. I feel like I'm rambling.................Please help

[coolheadal]

Well your husband cheating ways I am sure you don't want to be with a guy like that. Then you looking at other fellows, but you can't jump on board while your still married. Sure others do it but they do because they can get away with it. I believe against that scheme of things. Back to you well you don't have kids and you want them and he doesn't. So Two strikes against him and now does he even love you though?

 

Now you feel bad, unhappy these are the signs of a marriage going to end. What do you want to do stay with his guy who doesn't want kids but first told you he wanted them with you. That's right there is a slap in the face.

 

What else happen on the cruise ship with him? Did you to do any dancing or dinning out together. Anything romantic?