kerra Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 i had a boyfriend for 7 years now. we are together for the first for 4 years until his whole family migrated to other country. we are ldr for 3 years and counting. whenever we fight, he always gives me silent treatment which i cannot stand. the longest is 4 days and on the day of our anniversary. last year, we talked about the silent treatment and i followed the advice of some people here. to tell him that i am hurt whenever he doesnt speak to me. and i always tell him i appreciate it whenever he tries to initiate communication after an argument. today, we had a fight about some petty thing (he did not call me the whole day so i was hell worried) i am sulking but im not really angry, i just want some cooing from him. after that he called me saying he was really sorry and he loves me so much but the line was cut, and he never called or went online again. what does that mean? after our fights, he always tells me that he super sorry for not contacting me, he just need time to think things over. and he says he's naturally like that. and he will try to change. now i am giving him his time to think about things, and im giving myself time too to think. we are planning to get married next year and ill go to their country this year. i never doubted our relationship, i always think he's the one. but it is really hurting me whenever he does it. i love him so much and i cant see myself with anyone else other than him. i am hurting down to the core. i am so sad.
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 My girlfriend is a pro at the silent treatment and Im the opposite where I cant stand to let things go without instantly talking about it. I do however think its good to take a cooling down period because sometimes in an argument your emotions and defenses are all amped and you sometimes say things you dont mean. Four days is a bit excessive although I recently did it because we had a very serious fight and my pride extended it longer than usual...I was only hurting myself at that point.
coolheadal Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Yes I know that feeling, but I keep on going and going until she talks.. Like I was put on time out.
JohnM Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Gotta say. I use silent treatment. I know that communication is something that should not be taken for granted and I do a lot of the work. Hence when an argument arises or she does something wrong I debate the point until resolution and then close communication for a day or so. just to remind her that I don't have to talk every day but make an effort to do so. also, it gives breathing space. plus, if I go back to talking when I'm angry or still thinking about it another argument generally arises. after a day to think she usually figures out what caused the problem in the first place and sometimes that's all that's needed to cause a proper resolution.
Author kerra Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 My girlfriend is a pro at the silent treatment and Im the opposite where I cant stand to let things go without instantly talking about it. I do however think its good to take a cooling down period because sometimes in an argument your emotions and defenses are all amped and you sometimes say things you dont mean. Four days is a bit excessive although I recently did it because we had a very serious fight and my pride extended it longer than usual...I was only hurting myself at that point. that's so true. it's like your punishing yourself and your love with this silent treatement. are you okay with the silent treatment that your gf gives you? or have you said to her that you dont like it?
Author kerra Posted June 27, 2011 Author Posted June 27, 2011 Gotta say. I use silent treatment. I know that communication is something that should not be taken for granted and I do a lot of the work. Hence when an argument arises or she does something wrong I debate the point until resolution and then close communication for a day or so. just to remind her that I don't have to talk every day but make an effort to do so. also, it gives breathing space. plus, if I go back to talking when I'm angry or still thinking about it another argument generally arises. after a day to think she usually figures out what caused the problem in the first place and sometimes that's all that's needed to cause a proper resolution. he said that to me yesterday. he doesnt want another argument to arise or to hurt my feelings more that's why he doesnt speak.
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