Doesn't 3 years mean anything to him????

[torn2pieces]

On March 30th, 2004... my boyfriend of almost 3 years decided that he does not want to be with me. He says that he feels that I am ready for more of a committment than he is right now. He then proceeded to bring up all of the things that made him make this decision and tells me that he's been feeling this way for about a year now, but he continued to ignore his feelings and think that maybe things would get better. We had started to argue constantly everyday. The arguments would mostly stem from me... I had some very bad trust issues. This stemmed from an incident in April 2002, when he cheated on me with a girl at his call center. We decided to stay together after that happened, but I don't think that I ever TRULY forgave him for that. I would always be suspicious of his every move. Especially when I would call at night and his phone would go directly into voice-mail as if he had turned his phone off. I would get upset when he didn't answer his cell phone, or when he wasn't available when I called, or when he wouldn't be warm to me when we talked on the phone. All of these things led me to believe that maybe there was someone else. He swore to me that it wasn't. But that he just felt smothered and he needed to be free and wanted the chance to focus on himself for a while. He said that the constant arguing everyday was causing him undue stress and he just did not want to go on. He tells me that he loves me more than any person he's ever dated and believe me - this guy has had many girlfriends. Two that he had a kid by (he has 2 kids), and one that he actually proposed to. So when he tells me that he loves me more than anyone he's ever dated, I'm not sure how you could love someone and hurt them as bad as he's hurt me?

 

It's been about 3 weeks now and we've had several conversations about getting back together, or at least trying to start over and get to know each other all over again. Most of our conversations consist of me crying and begging him to please give me a chance to prove to him that I can trust him and that I can be less smothering to him. But he is rigid and firm in his decision to not want to go back into the relationship. But he always says this sentence and ends it in "right now". "I don't wish to continue the relationship RIGHT NOW". As if at some point down the road he will want to. He came to Atlanta this weekend and he didn't even bother to call me and let me know he was here. I went into his email and saw that he made a hotel reservation for 2 adults for that weekend and one double bed. When I asked him was he in Tennessee this weekend - he stated that he was. Not knowing that I knew he was lying to me. Yet he stands firm by his statement that there is no one else and that he just wants to focus on himself right now. The last conversation I had with him, I asked him if he was trying to move on and he says that he is trying to move on. Then he proceeded to interrupt me while I was crying and say that he didn't want to talk about this anymore and hung up the phone in the middle of me saying...."why are you doing me this way". He's being so cold to me and I don't know what I've done to deserve this.

 

I thought he loved me. We talked about a future together, he introduced me to his family and his kids....things that men do when they want you around for the long haul. So I don't understand what's going on right now. What made him turn his back on me? I don't claim to be perfect. I know that I should learn to pick and choose my battles and not make an argument out of every little thing. That much arguing on a daily basis is enough to drive anybody looney. I know that I could stand to be more secure and more trusting and less smothering. But all of these are things that I would think that could be worked on. Certainly, none of them are worse than cheating and I was willing to take him back after he did that - so why can't he compromise with me on this? Aside from the negatives I've mentioned above, I know that I have the potential to be a great girlfriend. I'm supportive, giving, affectionate, romantic, I cook, clean, and do all the things that I think men love in a girlfriend. He even says that he thinks I'm a great person. So why is he willing to throw me away.

 

I guess I have to let him go since I can't make him want me if he doesn't. But what I need all of your help with is the pain. Elvis couldn't have been more correct when he said, "I've been so lonely - I could die". That's exactly how I feel right now. The only thing that has kept me from ending my life is the fact that I know I have a younger sister and brother here who both need me very much, and my strong Christian beliefs on suicide. Otherwise, I would have swallowed sleeping pills a long time ago. How do I forget him? How does someone move on? What can I do to stop hurting the way I am? Please help!!!!

[spencer]

Only time will help heal the pain. ask your doc to prescribe something for the anxiety, to ease symptoms for a whiile, and the depression too.

please know that you have done nothing wrong.

he actually does not deserve someone, like you, with your forgiving and kind heart.

there are many great guys, you will find one, a better one.

try to get out with your friends and family and meet new people. try to keep busy to keep your mind off of him.

 

your not the first one to live through this,most of us do. and we move on.

you will too. time will help.

take care, and pamper yourself.

[sinkerswim]

Well, I know exactly how you feel.

I was in a relationship for 8 years..and engaged. My fiance just wanted space after an argument on Feb 3. Never heard from him since. I thought I was going to die from the pain. Sometimes I still feel that way. But like you..my Christian beliefs are too strong for me to commit suicide...plus I have an awesome family and friends.

 

 

MY ADVICE TO YOU...

Please... go to a reputable psychiatrist to get you on some medication. And please go see a therapist.

I have been doing this since this happened to me.

I still have a very long way to go... but the medication is helping out alot.

I know..it is the worst feeling in the world..I still cry every day over him. I miss him more than anything.

I dont even have closure...so its REALLY bad.

 

I would give the world to be with him again. My future has been torn apart.

It is scary..but you will get through it day by day.

Best of luck to you.

You are not alone in this.