red shoes Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 you have killer chemistry with but won't want to bring out to meet your friends? I know this guy I get along with and we talk about this and that. The thing is I don't get much intellectual stimulation from him. Most of my friends are into current affairs and finance. I can't imagine him getting along with the guys I know since they work in the same industry, have travelled quite a bit and are more interested in global issues. Even though I enjoy talking to this guy about non-global affairs, I admit that not being able to talk to him about things that interest me is a bummer. And if he can't get into my social circle and I can't into his, it may pose difficulties later on in life. I'm not a snob but I really want to be able to talk about both serious and non-serious stuff and being able to mesh with each other's social circles is quite important to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 If I liked her I wouldn't care what my friends thought. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 What's more important to you, chemistry or going out with a large groups of people together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 If I liked her I wouldn't care what my friends thought. But what if you're bothered that you can't talk about everything you want with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 What's more important to you, chemistry or going out with a large groups of people together? No, it's not the large groups of people. It's also that I can't talk to him about things that mean a lot to me. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I've seen this happen but for other reasons. Usually it's because the girl is dating a guy of another race and is kind of embarassed to introduce him to her group of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
joshgosh Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 So you mean there is sexual chemsitry between you two? I don't think your relationship can last if you don't get any intellectual stimulation from him. The sex will not be as hot in time and then what would you talk about? I think for it to work similar levels of intelligence and interests are definately needed. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 No, it's not the large groups of people. It's also that I can't talk to him about things that mean a lot to me. If it's a religious or political thing, I could understand. But it sounds like you want to talk about stuff related to your job with him. That sounds strange to me. Was your previous boyfriend someone who worked in or liked your field of work? It seems like that would be a non issue, at least to me it would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 So you mean there is sexual chemsitry between you two? I don't think your relationship can last if you don't get any intellectual stimulation from him. The sex will not be as hot in time and then what would you talk about? I think for it to work similar levels of intelligence and interests are definately needed. Sexual chemistry and the silly things we talk about. We understand each other but it's all about the silly things. We laugh a lot about little things. But I don't get to talk to him about international politics or economic policies because he's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
joshgosh Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 All my long term relationships have been with girls I can talk to about things which interest me. The short term ones have never been interested in discussing current affairs, etc, and I never thought of them as serious relationships Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I could possibly casually date this person, and I wouldn't discount that it could turn into something more, but intellectual chemistry is pretty important to me and I don't know how serious I could be with someone that didn't "get me" on that level. Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 A few thoughts: Is it the *idea* of being able to talk with him about economic policies and international politics? Or this is something really important to you? If, say, you only engaged in a rousing intellectual discussion on these affairs once a month, I'd say it's no big deal. If you're someone who lives and breathes the New York Times and NPR radio is going all the time in the car, then it's a big deal. Finally, is it enough for you to get these types of intellectual needs met through friends? But if you're truly bored with this guy outside the bedroom, then it's a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
joshgosh Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I don't think it matters how often you would talk about such things it's the fact that this person doesn't have the capacity to do so. That's the problem and you are not compatible for the long run Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 A few thoughts: Is it the *idea* of being able to talk with him about economic policies and international politics? Or this is something really important to you? If, say, you only engaged in a rousing intellectual discussion on these affairs once a month, I'd say it's no big deal. If you're someone who lives and breathes the New York Times and NPR radio is going all the time in the car, then it's a big deal. Finally, is it enough for you to get these types of intellectual needs met through friends? But if you're truly bored with this guy outside the bedroom, then it's a problem. I live and breathe real-time business news and CNN. My post-grad degree is in something that I would like to be able to talk about and discuss with my SO. As for whether these intellectual needs could be met through friends, I've thought of that. But I don't think that's enough. Even if I don't expect my SO to talk about nothing but these intellectual topics with me, I need someone that stimulates and makes me think more. But now I've been "teaching" him about them. I don't want to have to "teach" him. I want to be "taught." I don't think this relationship will work in the long run. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do to not be with this guy for this reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Could you tell us some specific topics you'd like to talk about with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Could you tell us some specific topics you'd like to talk about with him? Greece's debt crisis, China's political outlook after the current vice president becomes the new president next year, whether the US needs QE3 after QE2, China-US relations, the Middle East etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 What does the guy do for a living then, and how did the two of you meet? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 And who the hell cares what would we do anyway? What a stupid question. Whether to keep seeing someone or not--why can't the women on here just make up their own minds? Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Greece's debt crisis, China's political outlook after the current vice president becomes the new president next year, whether the US needs QE3 after QE2, China-US relations, the Middle East etc. I had to google QE2... and I still don't understand it... I think your interests are very specific and you probably DO need someone more aligned with the topics you're interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I was once of the opinion that I would never be able to have a relationship with a dumb girl and/or a girl that wasn't knowledgeable. I thought I always needed at least 3 things in a girl for me to be able to want to be with her in the long term. Those things are: Beauty, personality and intelligence. However. One day I encountered a girl that was both beautiful and had an amazing personality. She came across so genuine, so honest and pure, but she wasn't knowledgeable or very smart. Yet I was impressed enough that it changed my mind on needing to have intelligence as a requirement in an SO. One might think: "Well that's superficial of you Nexus, you'd consider dating a dumb girl, just as long as she's good looking and nice?" Her personality made up for the fact that she wasn't very smart. So yes some of the things she said came across as pretty dumb, but it was a genuine, honest and pure kind of stupidity so to say, there was no vile, negative or judging motive behind her thoughts, words or actions. And I'm telling you, people who are THAT pure, are very rare. So she might not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, her personality made up for that. That being said I haven't seen a whole lot of such girls/women around in my life, like I said in my opinion it's rare, both the personality traits she had and the combination of beauty and personality without intelligence. So suppose I would choose such a girl as my SO, then I'd know beforehand what I'd get myself into. I'd know I wouldn't get a lot or any intellectual stimulation from her, but I would have made the conscious decision to accept that. I'd then find other ways to get that stimulation. So in my opinion it comes down to, does it fill you with joy to just to be with her and how happy are you when you see her? Would you want that moment for life? If my answer is, yes I want that moment for life, then nothing else besides that matters anymore. Then I'd go for it if she'd have me. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 (edited) I had to google QE2... and I still don't understand it... I think she means Quantum Easing. It's expansion of the money supply in society by the central bankers of a nation. It equates to printing more money or creating more digital money in the databases of banks and hence inflating the money supply. In the US the Federal Reserve initiated several waves of quantum easing. She wants do debate whether a third round of quantum easing is needed after the second one. Edited June 26, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
RepairMinded Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Greece's debt crisis, China's political outlook after the current vice president becomes the new president next year, whether the US needs QE3 after QE2, China-US relations, the Middle East etc. I think any man who is actually interested in you romantically would be hard-pressed to waste much of his time together with you discussing the above topics. It actually sounds to me like you are a quasi- or pseudo-intellectual who likes to ego-trip by injecting superficial discussions (most likely, they're political rants) on topics of the day into social situations such as dating where such discussions are completely inappropriate. Even if you were a Phd or professor of political science with actual academic expertise in the above subjects (as opposed to gleaning whatever you read about them in the popular press), it would still not be stuff that a romantic interest would be very likely to want to spend social time discussing, unless that also happened to be his field of expertise, which is unlikely. The guy you are talking about may or may not be intelligent but he doesn't want to discuss the above topics with you either because they are inherently boring to him, or your manner of discussion or conveying your ideas on these topics is itself boring. Maybe a combination. Find more interesting things to talk about, that are of mutual interest, and don't be quite so self-centered. All of a sudden if you start discussing things he is interested in, he might start to seem much more intelligent to you. And you know what? You might actually learn something new and interesting as well. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 oh man- last thing i want to do is talk shop with my SO. i've dated within my field and the last thing we would ever talk about is 'that'. ...to the extent that i've often-times forgotten that we speak the same professional language. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 (edited) She wants do debate whether a third round of quantum easing is needed after the second one. My answer to that by the way is: NO. People in the US aren't expanding the production of goods and services as fast as the Federal Reserve is printing money and pumping it into society, so the only result that inflation/expansion of the money supply will have is that goods and services will increase in price. (price inflation) The Federal Reserve have been doing this for a century now. The Dollar is worth only a tiny fraction of what it once was. Ask very old people for how much their parents bought a house a 100 years ago, they'll tell you roughly $200. However an average house now costs $225000, so that's an inflation factor of over a 1000. But you will not see such an extreme factor of price inflation and expansion of the money supply in the "official" numbers of the government. You are being lied to while they rob you via taxes and funnel that money to banking families. Hey, someone is receiving the interest over the national debt, what you thought it ends up in the government's treasury? http://bit.ly/mv2cNl Edited June 26, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 But what if you're bothered that you can't talk about everything you want with her? That's what your friends are for! I love talking to my H about tons of stuff but I DO know there are things he couldn't care less to hear about, so I stay away from certain discussions and topics, save it for a neighbour, a friend or my sister.. It isn't a big deal. Also you shouldn't be so uptight about this, worrying about what your friends will think, if he fits in or not. he's a big boy and can hold a conversation. Hey, maybe he'll lighten the mood up and be extremely funny, silly and fun to be around instead of having serious talks and discussions with your friends and they will like him and enjoy his sense of humour. You can't control what others do and think. Link to post Share on other sites
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