If your 'looks' were improved a few points, would you want to upgrade your SO??

[Mme. Chaucer]

My answer to this is:

 

The concept of "upgrading" to a "better" SO is just deeply offensive to me.

 

People are not cell phones or cars!

 

That being said, I am attracted to whom I'm attracted to. If the feeling's not mutual ... too bad for me. I'm not going for a man I'm not SUPER attracted to (which, in my case, is usually coming from something other than his fine abs or chiseled jaw - thank goodness, since I'm a crone) just because I am ... a crone.

 

What a concept.

[Janesays]

true. i figured that b/c we were on an internet forum maybe ppl could answer honestly, but you're right i doubt they would admit to that if it were the case.

 

 

I love this. Just because you have a crappy value system, that means we're all liars.

 

Fine. You want to ask a shallow question? I'll give you the shallow version of an answer.

 

I'm already a cute girl. I'm roughly 125lbs, I sport a 34D chest and I have booty that will make alllll the ethnic boys swoon. Never in my life have I looked at a man and thought to myself that he was out of my league. Never once have I backed off from an attraction because I felt I lacked the ability to turn a man's head.

 

Further, I have dated what I strongly suspect you would label 'high quality' men. I have dated doctors, lawyer, developers, business owners, microbiologists, and engineers. Heck, my ex husband was making a 6 figure income by his 25th birthday.

 

I have dated extremely handsome men, too. Men who look like movie stars and have bodies that look like they were carved from stone (Yawn, meat heads).

 

So believe me when I say that despite all of this, when my guy sends me a freaking text message, my heart skips a beat. When he touches me, chills run up and down my spine. My insides turn to jelly when he smiles.

 

No, I would not trade him in for a "newer model." Under any circumstances. That boy has me for as long as he wants me. It's a shame that you look at people as if they were disposable or else you might someday feel the same.

 

Hmmm. I just realized something. I'm in love.

[Enchanted Girl]

No because there is no man better than my boyfriend.

[Jono85]

I love this. Just because you have a crappy value system, that means we're all liars.

 

Fine. You want to ask a shallow question? I'll give you the shallow version of an answer.

 

I'm already a cute girl. I'm roughly 125lbs, I sport a 34D chest and I have booty that will make alllll the ethnic boys swoon. Never in my life have I looked at a man and thought to myself that he was out of my league. Never once have I backed off from an attraction because I felt I lacked the ability to turn a man's head.

 

Further, I have dated what I strongly suspect you would label 'high quality' men. I have dated doctors, lawyer, developers, business owners, microbiologists, and engineers. Heck, my ex husband was making a 6 figure income by his 25th birthday.

 

I have dated extremely handsome men, too. Men who look like movie stars and have bodies that look like they were carved from stone (Yawn, meat heads).

 

So believe me when I say that despite all of this, when my guy sends me a freaking text message, my heart skips a beat. When he touches me, chills run up and down my spine. My insides turn to jelly when he smiles.

 

No, I would not trade him in for a "newer model." Under any circumstances. That boy has me for as long as he wants me. It's a shame that you look at people as if they were disposable or else you might someday feel the same.

 

Hmmm. I just realized something. I'm in love.

 

thanks for attacking me, did that feel good?

 

i didn't call ONE person a liar in this thread, nor insinuate anyone was lying. i simply told the guy that he's probably right, that not many ppl would come in here and admit to it.

 

i'm sorry that i live in reality. the divorce rate is over 50% and that doesn't even include the much higher percentage of serious relationships that are ended. and a ton of those are due to loss of attraction i'm guessing.

 

i did not say once what my own answer to this question was as i've never been in the situation, so you attacking me and my "crappy morals" for simply asking a legitmate question is not only unfair/immature but ridiculous.

 

the only thing you really succeeded at sharing in your post is how utterly narcissistic and full of yourself you are. you'd be glad to know i wouldn't go near you ...good luck on Mr. 25, hopefully he's the keeper.

[vsmini]

This is a good question. When I met my wife in my mid-20s she was definitely a more attractive woman than I was a man. I'm in my early 30s now, and since then:

 

-My income level has gone up dramatically and I made it up to a senior level position in my industry

-I've gotten in better shape physically

-Thanks to my wife, my sense of style has dramatically improved

-My confidence and people skills have grown

-I haven't really aged from an appearance standpoint and still look the same as I did in my early 20s with a full head of hair

 

That being said, I would never consider leaving my wife for another woman. There is definitely temptation though and I have a lot more frequent interaction with insanely attractive women these days due to my career status. Part of the reason I joined this forum was to figure out how to keep my impulses/frustrations in check, and reading about all the stories of affairs, addictions, broken marriages, etc. definitely helps to keep me grounded in reality.

 

You sound like a really good husband. Your wife is lucky to have someone who is realistic about temptations and makes a solid effort to avoid them and work through them.

 

A+

[BetheButterfly]

I understand the shallowness of this question, so don't attack me! But I'm curious. We all have our insecurities. Lets say we were to fix a couple of them. Eg. a bald guy, restores his hair, an overweight woman gets fit, someone with poor social skills becomes a great speaker, a big nose is fixed, etc etc etc. I'm curious how many of you would want to upgrade and find someone more attractive if you somehow became noticably more attractive yourself. Basically if you were getting much more attention from girls/guys that were a little out of your league before, would you be content with who you are with, or do you think it would eventually destroy your current relationship??

 

I am pretty and "cute", but I am not drop dead beautiful gorgeous. If however I was, I would not want to break up with my fiance and find another man. I love my fiance how he is. Right now, I personally think he is a lot more handsome than I am pretty, but that's not why I love him.

[TheLawmaker]

If my looks were improved a few points I might actually have a SO...

 

Same here.

[Knittress]

I think building new relationships is a pain in the ass. I'm all for lifelong connections. It's actually kind of a weak spot because of my inability to let toxic friendships go and how much angst they can put me through. So believe me when I say that I would never think of newness as an 'upgrade.' Ever. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, either.

 

I actually think it's much more common for relationships to implode the other way around. My ex was supremely threatened when I started losing weight and working on building my social skills, and HE was the one that become the passive-aggressive cheater.

(Ok, I don't KNOW if he cheated, but the evidence does not look good...)

[LittleTiger]

I find this question ridiculous, not to mention offensive.

 

Upgrade??? Seriously? How many people are with their SO purely because of the way they look? When it comes to attraction, looks are just the icing on the cake and some people don't even care much for icing.

 

Imagine swapping your best friend for a new best friend because you'd lost some weight, got fit or had plastic surgery!

 

........ and if the person you're in a relationship with is not your best friend, you're with the wrong person.

[TheLawmaker]

I'd like to upgrade my upgrade. It seems like the last upgrade failed, and gave me a virus...so I am now downsizing and all my systems are failing. I need a virus patch, and a good cup of java, mixed with a nice little firefox.

[Jono85]

I find this question ridiculous, not to mention offensive.

 

Upgrade??? Seriously? How many people are with their SO purely because of the way they look? When it comes to attraction, looks are just the icing on the cake and some people don't even care much for icing.

 

Imagine swapping your best friend for a new best friend because you'd lost some weight, got fit or had plastic surgery!

 

........ and if the person you're in a relationship with is not your best friend, you're with the wrong person.

 

again, i don't make the rules; truth of the matter is it happens whether ppl want to admit it or not. i'm not saying i've ever done it or ever will, but don't tell me ppl don't lose attraction for their SO and find someone else, b/c it happens ALL the time.

 

btw the best friend analogy is kind of terrible since well you don't get intimate with your best friend.

 

also, looks aren't the sole reason, or even the majority of the reason someone is with a person, but lets not kid ourselves attraction is a big part of the person you choose to get to know someone. if ppl improve themselves and find that they're getting women/men thrown at them that never used to, you really believe that 100% (as this thread would indicate) of those ppl wouldn't let that ruin their relationship?? these statistics within this thread are obviously not accurate.

[LittleTiger]

again, i don't make the rules; truth of the matter is it happens whether ppl want to admit it or not. i'm not saying i've ever done it or ever will, but don't tell me ppl don't lose attraction for their SO and find someone else, b/c it happens ALL the time.

 

In physiological terms, it's actually very rare to lose physical attraction for someone you are initially strongly attracted to - unless the emotional connection in the relationship is damaged, or one (or both) of the people concerned changes their appearance significantly (eg goes from super fit to super fat).

 

The normal ageing process doesn't apply here. Two people who meet when they're young, have a strong physical attraction to one another, look after themselves physically and manage to maintain a loving emotional bond throughout their lives, usually remain physically attracted to one another for life, despite the ageing process.

 

When attraction is lost, it's because the emotional connection has been lost, not the other way around.

 

btw the best friend analogy is kind of terrible since well you don't get intimate with your best friend.

 

You obviously missed the point I was making!

 

also, looks aren't the sole reason, or even the majority of the reason someone is with a person, but lets not kid ourselves attraction is a big part of the person you choose to get to know someone. if ppl improve themselves and find that they're getting women/men thrown at them that never used to, you really believe that 100% (as this thread would indicate) of those ppl wouldn't let that ruin their relationship?? these statistics within this thread are obviously not accurate.

 

The statistics within this thread are very accurate indeed. Whatever hormones/pheromones may have drawn you to another person in the first place, that's not what keeps you together. Attachment and emotional bonding is what keeps you together.

 

If you went to bed looking like Danny DeVito and woke up the next morning looking like Brad Pitt (I personally find Danny DeVito the more attractive of the two but I digress), do you really believe that you would love your partner any less?

 

Most people in mature, loving relationships would certainly NOT look for someone else if they woke up tomorrow better looking. What do you think the people on this dating section are all looking for? Casual sex, FWB, ONS's? No, the vast majority are looking for someone to love and someone who will love them. If/when you're lucky enough to find that, you'd be the biggest idiot on the planet to give it up for someone who just happens to be better looking.

[Knittress]

again, i don't make the rules; truth of the matter is it happens whether ppl want to admit it or not. i'm not saying i've ever done it or ever will, but don't tell me ppl don't lose attraction for their SO and find someone else, b/c it happens ALL the time.

 

btw the best friend analogy is kind of terrible since well you don't get intimate with your best friend.

 

also, looks aren't the sole reason, or even the majority of the reason someone is with a person, but lets not kid ourselves attraction is a big part of the person you choose to get to know someone. if ppl improve themselves and find that they're getting women/men thrown at them that never used to, you really believe that 100% (as this thread would indicate) of those ppl wouldn't let that ruin their relationship?? these statistics within this thread are obviously not accurate.

 

Again, I think you're looking at this from the wrong angle. Attraction is important, but people aren't attracted to their SOs because they think they're *better* than their partner. Sure, if the other person lets themselves go or the emotional connection erodes due to relationship problems, attraction can be lost - but this is entirely different from suddenly becoming a hottie that attracts other hotties. That's about depth and emotional attention-span.

 

Maybe as a woman it's easier for me to understand and cope with the fact that there will always be an endless parade of sexier smarter people in the world who want to bang me. But, since I tend to see people for who they are (and the history we've built between us) instead of in comparison to their relative worth to myself, I find this of little interest.

[rafallus]

again, i don't make the rules; truth of the matter is it happens whether ppl want to admit it or not. i'm not saying i've ever done it or ever will, but don't tell me ppl don't lose attraction for their SO and find someone else, b/c it happens ALL the time.

 

btw the best friend analogy is kind of terrible since well you don't get intimate with your best friend.

 

also, looks aren't the sole reason, or even the majority of the reason someone is with a person, but lets not kid ourselves attraction is a big part of the person you choose to get to know someone. if ppl improve themselves and find that they're getting women/men thrown at them that never used to, you really believe that 100% (as this thread would indicate) of those ppl wouldn't let that ruin their relationship?? these statistics within this thread are obviously not accurate.

Really?

 

If somebody enters a relationship with person he/she considers sub-par, and apparently only enters the relationship, because he/she has to be with somebody at the time not to be alone, not because he/she genuinely likes other person, well, it's easy to see, how people would get offended over that notion.

 

Personally, I consider people applying such approach to be no less insecure than ES here is.

[Jono85]

Really?

 

If somebody enters a relationship with person he/she considers sub-par, and apparently only enters the relationship, because he/she has to be with somebody at the time not to be alone, not because he/she genuinely likes other person, well, it's easy to see, how people would get offended over that notion.

 

Personally, I consider people applying such approach to be no less insecure than ES here is.

 

no ones saying subpar though. you're taking the extreme. but don't tell me everyone in the world thinks their SO is the most attractive person on the planet (looks wise). and do not tell me ppl don't even try to get to know some girls/guys b/c they don't realistically think they have a chance in the looks department. i would never approach a girl that looks like angelina jolie (using the most generic example here for arguments sake) b/c i do not consider myself a 10 on the looks scale, OR the career scale, etc. and i would be very full of myself if i were to believe I am the most caring, considerate, etc etc guy in the world and no one is as loving as me. hence i wouldn't try to go after her, even though i realize she is hotter than any girl i will date (i say hotter b/c i do not know her obviously, she may also have a dynamite personality but i'll never find out). do you understand that part??

 

can we be mature here for a second? tell me those 2 statements i made are incorrect..

[Jono85]

You are wrong Little Tiger, you don't know how men think. I am a woman but I'm not idealistic, I know REALITY. REALITY is no matter HOW much a man is connected to a woman emotionally he will want to upgrade to someone younger and hotter. If he doesn't upgrade he will cheat with someone younger and hotter.

 

You are delusional if you think a good relationship and emotional intimacy is enough to keep most men faithful. Many can separate sex and love and thus they can still LOVE their wives but have sex with "hotter" women on the side.

 

You need to wake up and realize that most men DO think about upgrading and such. In many cases a woman will support a man through med school and once he gets that degree he will UPGRADE for someone hotter and more attractive. Sorry if it offends you but it is a fact. Happens all the time.

 

Many women are too naive and don't understand the true nature of men.

Most men are ONLY as faithful as their options. IF they get the chance to be with a perfect 10 ( by that I mean a ten in their eyes, someone who really gets then going) they will and will dump their current gf/wife if they can get away with it. Not all men but the majority.

 

LMAO. stop generalizing for gods sake. no one will take you seriously.

 

i happened to be a victim of this question i'm asking, by yes, you guessed it, a female. so please stop.

 

 

i hate it when ppl on these boards (generally women statistically) get hurt by some ******* guy and make wide generalizations about men as a whole. as if women don't do the same sh-tty things to us good guys. *yawn*

[LittleTiger]

You are wrong Little Tiger, you don't know how men think. I am a woman but I'm not idealistic, I know REALITY. REALITY is no matter HOW much a man is connected to a woman emotionally he will want to upgrade to someone younger and hotter. If he doesn't upgrade he will cheat with someone younger and hotter.

 

Well I'm sure you must be right J200 because you always are!

 

However, I disagree with you. Men are human beings with feelings and most men do not want to cheat. In fact most men do not cheat. It's women like you who give men a bad name - and you don't do much for us women either.

[Jono85]

In physiological terms, it's actually very rare to lose physical attraction for someone you are initially strongly attracted to - unless the emotional connection in the relationship is damaged, or one (or both) of the people concerned changes their appearance significantly (eg goes from super fit to super fat).

 

The normal ageing process doesn't apply here. Two people who meet when they're young, have a strong physical attraction to one another, look after themselves physically and manage to maintain a loving emotional bond throughout their lives, usually remain physically attracted to one another for life, despite the ageing process.

 

When attraction is lost, it's because the emotional connection has been lost, not the other way around.

 

i agree with you totally. I do. I think ppl will always be attracted to their serious exes. BUT, i'm talking about when someone else comes along who they find more attractive. sometimes it's someone at work. your woman all of a sudden is very attracted to a new guy at work, and this attraction slowly becomes stronger than the stale one she had for her current man. she's didn't lose her attraction for him, but this new guy she starts to realize has a lot better qualities than the guy she's with. the temptation is there. some will undoubtedly take this opportunity lets not kid ourselves. i think "some" is even being kind here.

 

You obviously missed the point I was making!

 

 

The statistics within this thread are very accurate indeed. Whatever hormones/pheromones may have drawn you to another person in the first place, that's not what keeps you together. Attachment and emotional bonding is what keeps you together.

 

If you went to bed looking like Danny DeVito and woke up the next morning looking like Brad Pitt (I personally find Danny DeVito the more attractive of the two but I digress), do you really believe that you would love your partner any less?

 

Most people in mature, loving relationships would certainly NOT look for someone else if they woke up tomorrow better looking. What do you think the people on this dating section are all looking for? Casual sex, FWB, ONS's? No, the vast majority are looking for someone to love and someone who will love them. If/when you're lucky enough to find that, you'd be the biggest idiot on the planet to give it up for someone who just happens to be better looking.

 

i didn't say LOOK somewhere else necessarily. but sometimes ppl pop in your life. a lot of relationships are broken this way whether you'd like to believe it or not. the dumper might SAY "i just don't feel as emotionally connected as we once were" or slowly start pulling away, but really it's this new person is just "better" then there current.

 

i'm not saying its right. but it happens. don't be naive about it. ppl obviously won't come out and say it. but most dumpers who are in a new relationship within a month or two of their last, have done this. they feel the new person is just better, and the old SO did nothing to change anything negatively.

[Red Arremer]

If my looks were improved a few points I might actually have a SO...

 

Oh hey check it out, first reply and my answer was given already.

[LittleTiger]

LMAO. stop generalizing for gods sake. no one will take you seriously.

 

i happened to be a victim of this question i'm asking, by yes, you guessed it, a female. so please stop.

 

 

i hate it when ppl on these boards (generally women statistically) get hurt by some ******* guy and make wide generalizations about men as a whole. as if women don't do the same sh-tty things to us good guys. *yawn*

 

J200 likes to cause trouble - I'm pretty sure she's someone who was banned in the past but these days there are no moderators so people like her can run riot!

 

I'm sorry to hear a woman walked out on you for someone you think was better looking..........I'd bet my bottom dollar that's not the reason she left though.

 

Sometimes it's easier to believe that's where we're lacking because 'looks' are something we can't do much about (assuming we're already making the best of ourselves).

 

If someone loves you and you love them and the relationship is good, they will not leave you for someone better looking - no way, no how.

 

If they do leave, the relationship and the level of attachment wasn't as good as you thought.

[Jono85]

J200 likes to cause trouble - I'm pretty sure she's someone who was banned in the past but these days there are no moderators so people like her can run riot!

 

I'm sorry to hear a woman walked out on you for someone you think was better looking..........I'd bet my bottom dollar that's not the reason she left though.

 

Sometimes it's easier to believe that's where we're lacking because 'looks' are something we can't do much about (assuming we're already making the best of ourselves).

 

If someone loves you and you love them and the relationship is good, they will not leave you for someone better looking - no way, no how.

 

If they do leave, the relationship and the level of attachment wasn't as good as you thought.

 

ok well truth be told it's not exactly what happened so i shouldn't have even said that. but something similar imo.

 

basically she left me for her ex (he was trying to weasel his way back into the picture for a few weeks and she was hiding it from me) at the peak of our relationship. a week prior to us breaking up (b/c i caught her in lies about talking with her ex and discussing their future) she told me she loved me (this was the first time either of us initiated that in our 4 month relationship) and i said it back. this was also easily our best day/night together. anyway, obviously she felt her ex (the one who hurt her and she swore she would never go back to) was a better man than i was b/c like i said we were at our peak and yet after i caught her in her lies, i backed off, and she strung me along for a little more until finaly deciding on her ex.

 

so not exactly the same as the thread title suggests; well maybe not even close lol. and it wasn't why i made the thread, the reason is on the 2nd page in one of my posts. but i still feel cheated b/c she me made me out to be such a blessing to come into her life and how she's never fallen for someone so fast etc etc etc. but yes i would assume it was really that she still had a stronger emotional connection with her ex (3 years+ off and on). but i have no idea why she couldn't just take a chance on me since things were going so well and she swore how much she didn't want to go back to him, even AFTER i caught her in her lies (for weeks she would try and convince me, yet also saying she needed time).

 

anywayyy lol...again wasn't why i made the thread, and probably doens't relate really. but i guess for a long time, and still do a little, feel like she thinks he's a better man than i. b/c i undoubtedly treated her better.

Edited June 27, 2011 by Jono85

[carhill]

Basically if you were getting much more attention from girls/guys that were a little out of your league before, would you be content with who you are with, or do you think it would eventually destroy your current relationship??

 

Presuming a mutually loving and health M, content with the person I'm with. I've faced that kind of attention under differing marital circumstances and can review my reactions historically. One data point.

[Yamaha]

I am sooooo content with who I am with now.

I don't care if I had options in outer space I would still pick my gal.

[in_absentia]

No, even if I became a supermodel there is no 'better' than I already have; a man who is funny, romantic, caring, loving, kind, understanding, sexy, kinky, ambitious, pro-active, exciting and faithful. He isn't getting upgraded cos it wouldn't be possible

[P&R]

Even if I went up a few notches in looks I would not want to improve anything about my SO in the looks department. Too me she is the most beautiful, sexy girl on the face of this planet. Everytime she looks into my eyes with her big brown eyes it drives me wild.