Lucy2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Hello, My first post here I dated my ex for about 6 months, he broke up with me in Jan but desperatley wanted us to stay friends. I wasn't keen as I knew eventually one of us would meet someone else and the other would get pushed out. However we did stay friends and went out about once a week to the movies or for a meal. I saw on Facebook this morning though that he has met someone else. He'd been a bit quiet with me for the last few weeks but said he was ok. I'm absolutley gutted he couldn't just tell me he's met someone else and let me read it on there (he says he was drunk when I texted him about it). I just don't know what to do now. I've deleted him from my FB and ignored his last text which says he wants to still be friends. Just want someone to tell me I've dont the right thing! He's my only friend really and not sure I can cope on my own.
Kilty Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 This is why you can never be friends with an ex. The only way you can is if you have completely disengaged and have lost all the feelings for the other person and them being with someone else doesnt affect you- which in most cases never happens. I wouldnt worry about it as you are not alone. The main reason we have in remaining friends with an ex is mostly because of the hope that it keeps the door open for reconciliation - particularly when you are the dumpee. Its all part of the denial stage. Could you give more of a background as to why you have no other friends ?
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 also the fact he is ur only friend is sooo NOT HEALTHY !! I CAN never understand how people stay friends with exes anyway i was too in love with mine to stay friends its like rubbing salt into a wound , dont have any more contact , he has moved on - u need to too x
Author Lucy2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Could you give more of a background as to why you have no other friends ? I've always been a bit of a loner I suppose. I have work friends and people I talk to there, but not close friends who I can call on at time like these. I knew it was a bad idea staying friends at the time, but he suffers from low self esteem and depression and I didn't want to just leave him to it (despite the fact I was the one who was dumped) Thanks for your replies. Its not that I still have feelings for him romantically, just the fact he thought so little of me he couldn't tell me he'd met someone.
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 lucy i know it hurts but u have to make the change and meet new people xxx men can be very heartless when they dump u xx
Author Lucy2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 I know. Thanks for taking the time to reply. He still has some of my things I'd like back though. How do I get them back with no contact?!
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 your welcome lucy - ask can he drop it over , or can u go and get someone to collect it on ur behalf you are a million times better then this jerk x
Author Lucy2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks Scarlett, u are very kind to help me.
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 youre welcome lucy no worreis i will try add u as a friend xx
Kilty Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 What about family Lucy - sometimes they can help the most. And if the things that you have at his place can be easily replaced then just forget about them. I doubt that he doesnt have any feelings towards you - more likely he does but not the ones you want him to feel. And do not make excuses for this guy - he dumped you so he deserves nothing. Not one bit of pity, not one bit of consideration or worry. You clearly are a nice person deep down - you wouldnt have these feelings if you werent so it shouldnt be hard for you to find friends. Most folk on here that release their emotions are - thats my belief. Also try and engage more with your work colleagues and try and socialise with them more if thats possible. Go to the pub with them and have a good time if they do that and let your hair down. There is no easier way to meet new friends
Author Lucy2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks, you are all very kind. I'm pleased I found this site, but I think you may be sick of me soon and my postings I have arranged to meet someone for a coffee next weekend, so maybe that will lead to a friendship. I just feel so alone at the moment. I don't really have any family, only my mum and its not fair to burden her with my problems. I just wish there was a pill I could take that would make me forget him
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 you will feel lonely for a while hun but u got to remember this site proves lots of people on this site are in teh same situation as u and not only that but a lot are in toxic retlationships , look in local papers for groups u can join , google it - also read some books on self esteem i would recommend dr phil - self matters and marrisa peer - ulitmate confidence , google them u can get them on play.com xx
Author Lucy2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks. It has helped seeing I'm not the only one in this situtation.
Rory12345 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Lucy, I would suggest blocking him on facebook as well. It may seem "pathetic" to some people but it has done me and many other people a world of good. Delete his number as well. Remove him from your life and just look after yourself. You will get through this. Regards, Rory
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