ziggue Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I keep wondering why it is such a big deal about what kind of ring a guy gets for his fiance. Shouldn't the money be spent on the Wedding, The Reception and the Honey Moon? Everybody needs a ring I guess to symbolise a never ending love but I would just be happy with just a simple ring when I get engaged and would rather have the money spent on the big day and the Honey Moon. This is coming from a girl not a guy. What do you guys think?
capitald Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I think that these are all crazy money wasting traditions that have gone on too long. Tens of thousands of average middleclass familie's dollars going down the drain for sparkly finger studs and elaborate ceremonies. Its all so materialistic. No wonder so many old people live in or near poverty these days. Maybe we should get rid of the institution of marriage all together with so many divorces these days where anyone can get married to you and then decide they don't like you, and walk away we half of your net worth, half of your wages till the day you die, and child support. What was born as a sacred institution and as an institution of social control has now become another means for the expropriation of the poor man. I am giving serious thought to not getting married because I don't know if I trust anyone enough to sign a prenup. Its becoming more and more of a money hungry world. Sad but true.
echocrush Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I agree, some girls seem to care more about the cost of the ring than the man who gave it to them. I actually had a girl complaining to me awhile back tat a friend got an $1100 ring, I looked at mine and shrugged, she continued that her ring cost $1100 but it wasn't near as big as the one her friend got. She told me it was her "insurance policy" if he left she knew she would have money for a long time... I picked out my own ring, it was cheap... only problem is, too cheap and they don't hold up long. Mine is a year old and wearing thin, diamond chips missing etc. So expensive enough to last... but it's really the thought that counts.
capitald Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 All you ladies are so "feminist" these days but when the chips are on the table you are all so traditional and then you tell me I am a conservative. Whatever. A women is a women. Nothing really changes but the talk. I'll just keep doing what I do because it works.
echocrush Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I have no idea what you are talking about... Don't confuse me, I know it's easy to do... but it's not nice.
Pyrannaste Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by ziggue I keep wondering why it is such a big deal about what kind of ring a guy gets for his fiance. Shouldn't the money be spent on the Wedding, The Reception and the Honey Moon? Everybody needs a ring I guess to symbolise a never ending love but I would just be happy with just a simple ring when I get engaged and would rather have the money spent on the big day and the Honey Moon. This is coming from a girl not a guy. What do you guys think? I hope I'll get an engagement ring sooner or later. Even a 6$ worth silver ring would be fine with me as long as I'm given it by the right person and he really wants to marry me, but as a general rule I'll be happy with a ring that was worth a couple of days of my partner's salary. But I have to admit that there are certain circumstances under which I'd be disappointed if I got a ring that is very simple. If my partner was *extremely rich*, I'd like to get a ring that is not extremely cheap. I'd be also be upset if my partner saved on my engagement ring to buy himself a new tv set or a new car he doesn't need or anything that he could have waited to purchase. Worst thing my partner(any partner I could have, not my actual partner!) could do is paying for my engagement ring less than he paid to get a porn subscription. Ziggue, are there any special circumstances in which you too would rather have a nice ring ? I would also rather have money spent on the engagement ring than on the wedding, if I could choose. Or even better, I'd save on both the ring and the wedding to spend money on the honeymoon which both partners would enjoy.
Author ziggue Posted April 20, 2004 Author Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by Pyrannaste Ziggue, are there any special circumstances in which you too would rather have a nice ring ? Not really. I guess I am not really into jewelery. Necklaces are more appealing to me then rings. I think the engagement ring would be the only ring that I would wear. Even if the guy was rich. I would hate to have a big chunk of diamond stuck on my finger forever. Something nice and simple would do me just fine.. The type of ring I would like would either be a gold round flat wedding band or a gold flat round wedding band with little diamond stones stuck inside it all the way around. Still I wouldn't want to waste a couple of thousand on a ring when you could put the money on a house or something.
CurlyIam Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 You know what? I don't give a damn if I sound like a materialistic b!itch. I dream of a beautiful wedding ring, of a big wedding, of an incredible white marriage dress and most important of all, of a man to love and to love me back. I've always wanted it, I'll always want it. I'll always believe in marriage and should I ever get married, I'll do my best to be happy. Must be the fact I spent my childhood during comunism - hahaha!
wideawake Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by ziggue What do you guys think? I think there should be more woman with your priorities... This is from a guy that has spent well over 12K on engagement rings in his life. (only 2...chill...)
Stone Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 My ex fiance got me the most pitiful engagement ring ( think he got it at walmart) and I took it, and it hurt my feelings that he spent no time or money what so ever picking it out for me. So I asked him to take it back and we wen't together and got one that was sutible. I think it's all about preference but your " supposed to wear it for the rest of your life" it should be something you want........Glad I didn't marry him, He proposed horribly also, I am now despartly awaiting a ring from my b/f and don't care so much how much he spends on the ring ( at least $1,000.) I care more about they way he proposes and the thoughtfulness of the whole thing. There is nothing worse than a BAD PROPOSAL!!!!!
HokeyReligions Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 The ring is a public symbol of the love shared and demonstrates that the woman is cherished by the man. It doesn't have to be expensive or have big gemstones in it, it just has to last because it is symbolising a life-long unity. I had a simple, narrow gold band as my wedding ring and a narrow-gold band engagement ring with a zircon in it because my husband though that the size of the stone was important and he was afraid that I would be offended by a small diamond. I told him that it didn't even have to have a diamond. I don't know where men get this stuff! I mean, we can look at beautiful, expensive rings and dream about them - but that doesn't mean we will be disappointed with something else. My husband dreams of owning a $100,000 Astin Martin, but if I got him a $9,000 Ford Ranger he would be thrilled and not complain. I don't feel like I would be letting him down! I DO have a nice ring now. It is expensive and has a large diamond surrounded by baguetts and smaller round stones. We paid a lot of money for it. It IS an investment and I do enjoy showing it off and the compliments that I receive on it. It was going to be handed down in the family -- my daughter would have received it, now it will go to the SPCA so they can sell it. There are some girls that may attach love to the size/$ value of a ring and I think that is sad and if I were a man I would look at that as a big red flag for the future.
moimeme Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 and [color=red]don't care so much [/color]how much he spends on the ring [color=red]( at least $1,000.)[/color] LOL
carla Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 It's not the size of the package it's the love in it. You can use this saying to mean more then I thing. Last Christmas I wanted a ring it didn't have to mean that we were engaged. I looked in several stores I picked one that I liked and showed my bf. The jeweler told him he was crazy if he didn't buy it, b/c I fell in love with it and he was getting off extremely easy cost wise. The way I see it is we have bills to pay mainly the mortgage and he went out and spent $1000 or more on a ring I probably would have gotten upset and thrilled at the same time but probably would have taken it back for a cheaper ring. Mine you once the mortgage is paid and say it's our 10 anniversary I WILL expect a $5000 past present future ring. ..........NOT I'd like one but not worth 5 g's. We could take a trip together for that.
sumdude Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 LOL! Seems like I'm hearing a lot of answers that come down to this. No... but yes.... Men will never understand women.
CurlyIam Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I have a few questions: 1. what lady on this forum desires no ring? 2. what lady on this forum desires a cheap ring? I totally respect the ones responding to my first question, as this symbol may be overrated in importance. I have this feeling that everyone tries to explain itsself or minimise the desire or importance given to this particular piece of jewellery. I mean if the man can afford it, wouldn't you like to have an expensive one rather than a cheap one? I didn't say "big rock", or "obscenely expensive" and I insist on "if the man can afford it". What's the big deal? It's so weird for me to read all the postson this thread. It looks like it is a big thing in America or Canada or Australia but nobody won't admit it. Something like owning a flashy car and apologizing for it... I don't get it.
Arabess Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam I have a few questions: 1. what lady on this forum desires no ring? 2. what lady on this forum desires a cheap ring? I wouldn't care about a ring for proposal sake whether expensive or cheap. I'll just marry him, get my name on his credit cards and bank account and buy my own damn ring. I'm a firm believer in not looking a gift horse in the mouth......
HokeyReligions Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 "With this ring, I thee wed" It doesn't say "with this piece of paper I thee wed" A ring has been part of the culture for a long time. When I'm out people see my ring and may think "she's loved" (or if I'm lucky they may think "dang - she's taken") When I look at my ring, I am reminded that a man loved me enough to claim me publicly. In a way it is proprietorship, but he wears a ring too so we "own" each other. I don't feel any more or less that way with the diamond I wear now then I did when I wore the simple, unadorned gold band. But I do love my diamonds. I like owning something so beautiful and valuable. Is there anything you own that you take pride in? A house, fancy car, a collectible, a signed base-ball in a glass case, anything like that? My husband has a fancy-schmancy swiss army knife with every dohickey you can think of in it. He mentioned he wanted a SAK once and I bought him the best I could afford because I wanted him to have it. It made ME feel good to be able to give him something with all sorts of gadgets on it. He treasures that knife because I gave it to him and he really enjoys showing off all the gadgets to his friends -- but he would show it off even if it were a single blade, because he always says "look what my darlin' wife gave me" and is so thrilled that I gave him something so nice. A ring is a symbol and it is a gift. If the first ring is simple and inexpensive it does not negate the value behind it or the symbolism. If a girl measures the love of her man based on the ring he buys her, then the girl has some problems. Ditto the guy if he feels that way. The symbol is important to every woman I know - but the symbol doesn't have to be a ring, that is just the most traditional item.
echocrush Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I put my wedding vows together from bits and pieces of vows from all over the place, I picked a ceremony full of symbolism. During the ceremony we included promises to each other in the form of The cords used for our handfasting, draped by each family member, and still knotted a bible and a dagger - to protect our home woven cloth gold coins - to provide for our home a red rose, and a white rose, for our love and our promise. the whole ceremony was symbolic to me, and part of that symbolism is the ring itself... for the guys who don't understand some of us old fashioned girls really want that ring on our finger so that people know our life and our heart belongs to someone we think is the greatest guy on the planet. Some girls don't want a ring anymore, and some girls want something you can see a mile away. some girls just want a ring and don't care who they get it from... there is a story for every girl, find out what your girls is... My ring is a scrolled band, with 4 tiny diamond chips, and a heart shaped black sapphire stone in the middle... total cost? I don't remember, it's the one I wanted and it cost under $200. I love it, as I said, I didn't realize a cheap ring would fall apart so fast, the band is already wearing through and two of the diamond chips are missing... but when he gave it to me, he gave me a promise, a name, and his heart in front of the whole world... To me it's more important what the ring means to him right now than what it cost in the beginning...
Sundaymorning Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I feel that I just want a pretty diamond that will last that way forever. I hate that we have to have a ring really, because I do not feel it is right that the guy spend all this extra money over something like that, just for me. But I guess I still do want the ring since it is tradition. I am fully willing to give him money to buy it with, just a portion of it. That makes sense to me. The guy does not have to worship me more than I do him and spend all of his hard earned money on me for one stinking ring that other women will look at and judge it. Nope.
Thinkalot Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by HokeyReligions "With this ring, I thee wed" It doesn't say "with this piece of paper I thee wed" A ring has been part of the culture for a long time. When I'm out people see my ring and may think "she's loved" (or if I'm lucky they may think "dang - she's taken") When I look at my ring, I am reminded that a man loved me enough to claim me publicly. In a way it is proprietorship, but he wears a ring too so we "own" each other. I don't feel any more or less that way with the diamond I wear now then I did when I wore the simple, unadorned gold band. But I do love my diamonds. I like owning something so beautiful and valuable. Is there anything you own that you take pride in? A house, fancy car, a collectible, a signed base-ball in a glass case, anything like that? My husband has a fancy-schmancy swiss army knife with every dohickey you can think of in it. He mentioned he wanted a SAK once and I bought him the best I could afford because I wanted him to have it. It made ME feel good to be able to give him something with all sorts of gadgets on it. He treasures that knife because I gave it to him and he really enjoys showing off all the gadgets to his friends -- but he would show it off even if it were a single blade, because he always says "look what my darlin' wife gave me" and is so thrilled that I gave him something so nice. A ring is a symbol and it is a gift. If the first ring is simple and inexpensive it does not negate the value behind it or the symbolism. If a girl measures the love of her man based on the ring he buys her, then the girl has some problems. Ditto the guy if he feels that way. The symbol is important to every woman I know - but the symbol doesn't have to be a ring, that is just the most traditional item. Hokey, I think that was well put. Says pretty much how I feel. I think the ring is important, and I think marriage is important. The love and care spent choosing a ring is what matters most though, not the cost. And if you are planning to marry and are both financially independent, why not share the cost of the ring? Seems to make sense to me....it is a gift you buy for yourselves...not just for the woman. It is a symbol of the marriage and the link, between two people.
befuddled11 Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by ziggue I keep wondering why it is such a big deal about what kind of ring a guy gets for his fiance. Shouldn't the money be spent on the Wedding, The Reception and the Honey Moon? Everybody needs a ring I guess to symbolise a never ending love but I would just be happy with just a simple ring when I get engaged and would rather have the money spent on the big day and the Honey Moon. This is coming from a girl not a guy. What do you guys think? I think it's crazy to spend tons of money on a wedding day..when it's only one single day out of your life together.....at least with the engagement ring, it's something that should last for the length of your life together......Ideally, if the couple doesn't divorce, she'll have that ring for 50 or 60 yrs..and can pass it onto her daughter or son (to give to his future bride). A wedding day is done and over quickly.....in my opinion, spending loads of money on the wedding and dress and all that, it's crazy...this coming from someone who was once married.
CurlyIam Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by befuddled11 I think it's crazy to spend tons of money on a wedding day..when it's only one single day out of your life together.....at least with the engagement ring, it's something that should last for the length of your life together......Ideally, if the couple doesn't divorce, she'll have that ring for 50 or 60 yrs..and can pass it onto her daughter or son (to give to his future bride). A wedding day is done and over quickly.....in my opinion, spending loads of money on the wedding and dress and all that, it's crazy...this coming from someone who was once married. I understand you are right. Still I feel you're not. YOur wedding day may not mean much to you, but it still is a symbol. It says something,it has a significance of it's own. Why give rings if all that matters is the fact that you love each other anyway? Why say I love you for that instance, if the other one knows and feels you love them anyway? Because it's nice to hear, it reenforces the certainty of your feeling and it helps a lot. I cannot say but what Fed said on another thread: "if he is willing to pay for the ring (e.g. the marriage costs and stuff) it shows he'll be willing to spend on the house and on the children". We do speak in gestures, and they do have a significance. I understandand your point and my mother who is very practical, would totally agree it's a bad ideea to spend a lot on the wedding. But as I said before, I feel it's wrong. It's a personal call.
Papillon Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 Once upon a time there was a little thorntree who had just started upon life in the cruel, hard bush. The little thorntree grew next to a wild trail. One day a shiny new wagon came along the trail, and as it rubbed against the thorn tree, one of the tree's thorns dragged against the shiny new paintwork, scoring a long mark. The wagon was so enraged that it deliberately crushed the little thorn tree's trunk with its huge hind wheel in passing. The little tree's back was broken, but it was a resilient little fellow. Slowly, painfully, over the months of summer drought and heat, and bitter winter cold, the little tree straightened itself up, as the deep wounds from the wagon's iron-clad wheel slowly healed and scarred over. Over the years, the little tree grew into a magnificent, evergreen tree, offering cool shade from the scorching sun for the animals, providing safe nesting for wild birds, giving fruit and pods, and young, juicy leaves for browsing animals to forage on. It was a beautiful tree, and it towered out over the others of its kind. Many years later, a band of men came along, and decided to bivouac under the beautiful tree. It was the middle of the winter, and it was bitterly cold. The men soon exhausted their supply of fuel, and decided to break up one of their older wagons, an old, decrepit thing with peeling paint and held together with rusty nails. But as the men took up their axes, the thorn tree dropped some large branches for the men to use, and the wagon was spared the fire. The next day, as the men packed up to leave, the wagon croaked to the tree: "Thorn Tree, you knew all along that it was I who crushed you all those many years ago. I am ashamed. Why did you repay my cruelty with this kindness?" The tree looked down and smiled. "I was once a little tree, and so were you."
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam I have a few questions: 1. what lady on this forum desires no ring? 2. what lady on this forum desires a cheap ring? I totally respect the ones responding to my first question, as this symbol may be overrated in importance. I have this feeling that everyone tries to explain itsself or minimise the desire or importance given to this particular piece of jewellery. I mean if the man can afford it, wouldn't you like to have an expensive one rather than a cheap one? I didn't say "big rock", or "obscenely expensive" and I insist on "if the man can afford it". What's the big deal? It's so weird for me to read all the postson this thread. It looks like it is a big thing in America or Canada or Australia but nobody won't admit it. Something like owning a flashy car and apologizing for it... I don't get it. And in addition to this, Curly...I know for a FACT that LOTS of women upgrade their rings later on in their marriage. Lots of men do it for signature anniversaries, like after 10 years plus. It's an affirmation.
Fedup&givingup Posted April 21, 2004 Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess I wouldn't care about a ring for proposal sake whether expensive or cheap. I'll just marry him, get my name on his credit cards and bank account and buy my own damn ring. I'm a firm believer in not looking a gift horse in the mouth...... Now, THAT's funny!!! Priorities, priorities ROTFL
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