doublerince Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 So hello all, I am new to LS. I am separated, since May 6 technically. but my stbxh told me he was done on Dec. 6. We tried counseling for four or five months before that, and nothing changed on his account. We have gone through a major financial overhall in the last 2 years, as the economy plummeted. Through his very bad decision making, and lack of the ability to think about consequences, we have lost pretty much everything. You name it, cars, home foreclosures (x2), destroyed credit, all savings gone. Through all of this, I was standing by him. I knew we were not in a very good place with each other, but felt our marriage needed to wait until we had our feet back under us before we started counseling. Apparently, he feels he needs to start over completely, and that means leaving. We have twin girls and a son, all under 12. They are complete innocent bystanders, of course. Anyway, I thought I would post because yesterday he asked me if he could have my wedding ring to give to a jeweler with his last very expensive watch, to take a loan out. He would be able to pay it back over four months, which he says is very manageable with his new job. This would get us out of the current bill trouble we are in. I told him no, yet now I feel guilty. The ring could bring in $20k, and his watch $4k. That is a lot of needed money, but it is my absolutely only thing of value left for me to save for the rainiest day. Besides, there is no more "we" or "us" as he chose to be done. Thoughts? I am struggling with this.
Author doublerince Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 BTW, how can we start a journal? I cannot figure it out? Tia
2.50 a gallon Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Hold on to the ring. It is yours. From your paragraph it sounds as if he is no longer willing to work on your marriage, so therefore you are under no obligation to work with him. Amd can you trust him if he wants out? I have no clue about journeling, perhaps others might More details might be nice, such as is there someone else? Custody, Child support?
Fool for Love Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Hi. It sounds like you are experiencing very "rainy days." I don't know how bad off you are. Are your kids suffering? Do you have food? Can you hang on until your husband gets a few paychecks without cashing in on your ring? If not, maybe you can have a signed agreement with your husband regarding using the ring as a loan.
Steen719 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Doublerince, I really think it is a mistake to give him your ring. You will most likely have some hard times ahead and I would want to have something to fall back on. He has a job; maybe he can get a title loan on his car. I would be afraid that he would not pay it back. He may still be there in person (maybe not, I could not tell), but he is already gone from the marriage and does not seem to feel an obligation to you or your children. Sorry, I know this hurts so much and I am not trying to be mean. Believe me, any guilt you feel about not giving him the ring will be long gone when you are struggling to make ends meet because he has bailed on the marriage and started his new life. From the limited amount of information you have given us, it does seem that you will bear the brunt of child rearing and so try to concentrate on being there for your children. My last thought is that your credit is already ruined and so maybe you could look into bankruptcy and wipe out your debt. You could start new. Do you work? Best to you. Let us know how you are.
soserious1 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 That ring could provide rent & food for your children following your divorce, why would you give it to your soon to be ex husband?
Clubman35 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I'd give him nothing, who knows if he'd actually make good on repayment. It would seem that he didn't care what kind of financial bind he put you in, so I wouldn't concern myself with his. Like the others before me have said, you may need to cash it in yourself. You sound like you have a big heart, don't let him take advantage of that. Hope things start looking up for you soon.
Author doublerince Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 I have put the ring in a friend's safe. Ah, more details: I do not know if there is someone else. A lot points in that direction, especially as he is not one to be alone. We had not had sex for a year when he first said "he doesn't have any confidence that we will make it..." Cop out. The custody and child support has yet to be determined. I was going to file last week, but am waiting for him to pay my June bills (and May), as he was supposed to be paid. Still waiting...
Author doublerince Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 Oh, that is really good info. Thanks! This whole situation has been one of me finding things out too little too late. Wow, have I had an education. Anyway, for the rest of you asking, yes I will be raising the kids, but he says he will be helping. I have everything lined up to force him to do that. I am not lying down for anything with him anymore. It was funny, but I was so upset after the conversation where I told him I would not give him the ring. But I think some of it is sadness that I really, truly have to go my own road. Grieving, as I work through this. Once I calmed down, I could see more clearly. The no-contact idea is brilliant. It really helps you keep your head straight.
Author doublerince Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 The bankruptcy thing is hanging out there. I already will have a foreclosure in my name when it finalizes. Not sure how that effects anything. Anyone have any experience with this? Maybe I will ask on the finance board. Thanks for all the support, everyone. It really is appreciated!
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