amccarter Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Okay, so... Here's my relationship story: I recently went camping with my friend (A), her boyfriend (B), and one of their single male friends ©. We spent two nights on a remote beach, just the four of us, and had a magical time. I had met C once before at a party several years ago (so I knew he was super cute), but this trip was the first time we had spent a significant amount of time together. I think A and B were secretly hoping we would hit it off, and we did... C and I ended up having a really great time: we had lots of chemistry, cuddled by the fire, and had several rounds of really amazing sex in his tent. Unfortunately, we didn't really have a chance to talk one-on-one that much because A and B were always around, and we mostly interacted as a group. As pleasant and fun as it was, I wasn't really sure what to think of the situation with C, as I had heard from A and B that he is more of a casual sex person than a relationship person, and except for a few short flings here and there, has been single for several years following a nasty breakup with his last serious girlfriend. As such, I held him at arm's length emotionally and tried to just relax and have fun in the moment, while telling myself that a relationship with him was highly improbable. On the last day of our trip, A came up to me and told me that she had never seen C as cuddly and cute with any of his past girlfriends, except for the serious one that broke his heart. A and B both stated that they were actually quite shocked by his behavior towards me, and thought that he was "smitten" with me. I was surprised and pleased, yet unsure of how to proceed. Unfortunately, C and I didn't have a chance to talk much after that... C had to leave in an unexpected rush to get to work on time, and although he kissed me goodbye, he didn't say anything about wanting to see me again. I added C to my Facebook in order to give him an opportunity to contact me if he wanted to. He sent me a message a week after our kiss goodbye to thank me for "my contribution" to the wonderful time he had on our camping trip. No mention of wanting to see me again. A and B stated that they felt his major concern was that C and I live a 2-hour drive from each other, and that he doesn't want to engage in a long distance relationship. I am currently unemployed and am considering a move to the city where C lives. I decided to take a trip there the next week to look for work and possibly hook up with him again. I wrote C back and told him to text me if he wanted to get together while I was there. Four days later I got a text from him asking if I wanted to get together for coffee in the morning before his evening shift at work. Despite that fact he was late in getting up for our coffee date, we had a pretty nice time together. We chatted for an hour or so, then went down to the beach and sat on a bench and chatted some more, for a total of about 2.5 hours. He was pleasant and attentive; It felt very friendly, but not very flirty. He talked a lot about his ideas and opinions. We avoided any sex talk or even sexual innuendo, even though we had such crazy awesome sex two weeks beforehand. The one compliment he gave me was that I have a "charming personality". He was interested in knowing when I might be moving to that city, and asked me to let him know how my job search went; when we said goodbye, I got a hug but no kiss this time. That was just over a week ago, and I haven't heard anything from him since. I haven't contacted him because my job search was unsuccessful, so I don't have any good news to share, only more uncertainty. My cell phone got cut off a few days ago, so I guess I wouldn't even know if he tried to text me, although he could always facebook me if he wanted to contact me. He isn't on there a lot though because he doesn't have internet at home. I have talked with A and B about this situation... They have a lot of opinions, but aren't very helpful. They seem to believe he really likes me, although I am used to being pursued with much more enthusiasm than what C has shown so far. I am unsure of how to proceed in this relationship... I like him, but I hate uncertainty and ambivalence. Part of me fears rejection, part of me doesn't want to make him feel rejected by not contacting him, and another part doesn't want to try to start something with him while we live so far apart. B maintains that "if you lived there, you guys would have gone on a dozen dates by now". I guess I would just really like an outsider's take on this situation, and maybe some advice on what my next move should be? Thanks guys! xoxo
thatone Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 as of right now i would say he's not interested in a relationship with you. that could be for any number of reasons. if you move to the city in question and set yourself up with a job and your own place, maybe his mind would change. maybe it's just the long distance part, maybe it's because he knows you're not working and is not looking to support someone after a first few dates, maybe he isn't interested at all because he doesn't like you all that much. the only way to know is to contact him after you've done all of those other things, and see how it goes. if you were planning on moving there anyway there's no harm in it, but i wouldn't move there and get my hopes up solely for someone who at this point is not interested.
Imajerk17 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) Not interested. Your fourth and third paragraphs from the bottom said it pretty clearly. A guy who is interested in a girl, and who has enough "game" to have sex with her, won't avoid kissing her and what not. He avoided the kissing and the flirting because he "doesn't want to give you the wrong idea". I've been in this guy's position before. He likes you as a friend (or he is being friendly because of A and B), but it looks like you are just another one of his casual sex flings. Edited June 25, 2011 by Imajerk17
Yookie Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Sorry but from what you wrote here I would say he is not that interested in a relationship with you. The 2 hour distance doesn't matter especially since he knows you are willing to relocate. After the 1st encounter he didn't even try to make plans to contact you again. He's late to a date that you initiated and is acting like a friend rather than boyfriend when you two finally meet. He's not initiating any further contact with you on his own. Sorry but interested men will act interested. He probably see's you as a easy lay and not someone who's girlfriend material since you slept with him the first time you got together. Some men don't care if a girl is "easy" but most will think that you're slutty if you give it up that fast (Yeah I know it's a double standard). As for your friends, they're probably just juicing up your head to soften the blow. Don't believe the excuses they are making for this guy. You all know his reputation so why is it such a surprise to anyone that he was just out to hit it then split it?
Author amccarter Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks for your replies, guys! You all confirm my suspicions. If I followed my own intuition about C, I would have no trouble accepting his behavior for exactly what it looks like. In fact, I would not have tried to initiate a second meeting if it weren't for A and B suggesting that I follow up. They felt C's first message after our trip was a sign that he was interested in something more, and that he wanted to know more about my situation before deciding whether or not to pursue anything with me. B and C are "best friends"... After I told A and B about how the coffee date went down (in a rather pessimistic tone), B was excited and said it was a "really good sign" that C was friendly and not flirty. B stated that he thought C was making an attempt to get to know me as a person because he actually is interested in a relationship (i.e., he asked me out for a coffee as opposed to asking me over for a booty call). A and B both stated that if C was really interested, he would want to be friends first and take things really slow due to being love-shy as a result of some bad experiences in previous relationships. I have a lot of trouble differentiating "taking things slow" from "lack of interest" in this situation, and am not sure what to believe. I am not really sure why A and B are pouring so much honey in my ear over C when I was initially so willing to accept that it was just a fling and move on, and especially since they were the ones who warned me that he is a bit of a slut himself. It's very confusing!
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