Sugarkane Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell?
eastsunshine2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell? It's not about sex. It's about the Emmotional connection and feelings of the other. Then that's when sex comes in.
rafallus Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell? Other than emotional connection stuff, sex could be not good enough, or that just one person at a time is not enough for cheater.
Spark1111 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell? This is a common myth to think people have affairs for sex. My fWS and I had sex at least twice a week during his affair, though he told her we rarely to never had sex. It could have to do with emotional validation, flattery, attention and having someone "adore" you with new eyes. They don't know your warts and wrinkles, your faults and failures. You get to recreate yourself in their eyes, and they do the same with you. It's a fun fantasy life with no responsibilities or accountability.
Kidd Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Another spin on the emotional thought... They're not feeling complete in the relationship they're having with you and yes, someone else fills those needs when you're not looking. When it happens, they're conflicted because they weren't ready to leave you, know this isn't your fault, and so they continue to have sex with you at home. Sadly for me (in some respects), my spouse had more sex with me during her affair than before. Something is missing at home (still not your fault since they were obligated to discuss it with you or leave before they did something like this) or yes, one person is just not enough.
Shocking Pink Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell? Some guys just want variety, or they like to feel important with the extra attention from extra girls. My ex MM felt pretty good about himself with an arrangement with his wife, and two OW.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Some people are just never happy with what they have no matter how good it is.
carhill Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell? If male, their 'happenis' has no boundaries RIP Marlon Brando. ETA, with MW's, IME, they were still getting sex but lacked other, hence fµcking my mind to get their 'happenis'.
luvbun80 Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Just wondering if the person is still getting sex, why look for it else where aswell? Quite simply, because "getting sex" is not synonymous to "having a satisfying sex life". Obviously, exactly why it is not satisfying is up to them (they could even just be enjoying the thrill of sneaking around and lying?), but somehow they feel strongly enough about it as to go back on their given word. Or, they may be doing it to get back at their spouse. I know my W did it to hurt her ex after he cheated on her. Sounds cruel, but they feel justified somehow, and I guess it's better than getting the shotgun out, eh?
mopar crazy Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 This is a common myth to think people have affairs for sex. My fWS and I had sex at least twice a week during his affair, though he told her we rarely to never had sex. It could have to do with emotional validation, flattery, attention and having someone "adore" you with new eyes. They don't know your warts and wrinkles, your faults and failures. You get to recreate yourself in their eyes, and they do the same with you. It's a fun fantasy life with no responsibilities or accountability. Have to agree with this one.
2.50 a gallon Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Immediately following the break up of my marriage, my life went into a tail spin. At my place of employment, generally there wasn't socializing between the office help and those of us working on the floor. In my case I had been so up front about how madly I was in love with my wife that the whole shop noticed, and seeing the funk I was in, and my immediate lose of weight, the office women made it a project to cheer me up and daily brought something special to share with me over lunch. Then end result was that I ended up in a sexual relationhip with about half a dozen married women. Their complaints were almost all the same, their husbands were too busy doing their own thing (golf, race car, workaholics) to pay them any attention. These were intelligent, successful, woman, many with fantastic outside interests (one was into raising orchids, another was an amateur fish breeder, who was finding great success breeding some rare species, that even the scientific minded were having great diffuculty to spawn), while on the home front their husbands could care less that his wife was doing with her hobby, other than it kept her out of his hair while he went off golfing. Their husband were treating them as if they were his and the childrens maids. And as for sex, it was always a quicky for the man and to have him go right to sleep I have always been an oral kind of guy, women talk, and after the first tyrst, I soon had the rest hinting and in a couple of cases, flat out propositioning me They were in their 30's reaching their sexual peak, were starving for attention, their sex lives were way below boring, and they were looking for something to put some spark back into their lives. I might have been their first, but I know that I wasn't their last
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Immediately following the break up of my marriage, my life went into a tail spin. At my place of employment, generally there wasn't socializing between the office help and those of us working on the floor. In my case I had been so up front about how madly I was in love with my wife that the whole shop noticed, and seeing the funk I was in, and my immediate lose of weight, the office women made it a project to cheer me up and daily brought something special to share with me over lunch. Then end result was that I ended up in a sexual relationhip with about half a dozen married women. Their complaints were almost all the same, their husbands were too busy doing their own thing (golf, race car, workaholics) to pay them any attention. These were intelligent, successful, woman, many with fantastic outside interests (one was into raising orchids, another was an amateur fish breeder, who was finding great success breeding some rare species, that even the scientific minded were having great diffuculty to spawn), while on the home front their husbands could care less that his wife was doing with her hobby, other than it kept her out of his hair while he went off golfing. Their husband were treating them as if they were his and the childrens maids. And as for sex, it was always a quicky for the man and to have him go right to sleep I have always been an oral kind of guy, women talk, and after the first tyrst, I soon had the rest hinting and in a couple of cases, flat out propositioning me They were in their 30's reaching their sexual peak, were starving for attention, their sex lives were way below boring, and they were looking for something to put some spark back into their lives. I might have been their first, but I know that I wasn't their last Explain to me again why this is the husbands fault? My friends wife was having a similar problem getting his attention, but last year she joined our fantasy football league. She really got into it and they spent tons of time together. He started doing some stuff she wants as well... even down to watching that Kardashian Tv show, which I hear has replaced water-boarding in the torture handbook. Bottom line... make yourself happy. If cheating is the way a person decides to do that... it just means he/she a piece of crap.
silktricks Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Because having an affair is not necessarily about having sex. Usually it is about filling a "gap" in their relationship. Affair partners do not need to be fully rounded people who mesh well together in all aspects of their lives. They just need to mesh well in the areas the WS is missing in his/her marriage.
Woggle Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 My ex had an affair with a man she would never dated as a single woman. In fact, she would have been embarrassed to be seen in public or to introduce him to her family. However, as a secret lover on the side OM was perfect. Part of the appeal of an affair is the taboo aspect and the more scummier a person is the more taboo it is. These people have a misguided concept of rebellion.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Are having sex at home and having affairs.... Only those that have maybe a one nighter while away on business where it just happens or a serial cheater. Men for the most part cheat because they are not getting sex at home and want to be wanted. As for women it is more emotional and has more to do then sex.
carhill Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 The most recent MW who approached me told me she 'needed sex' (her precise words) and wasn't getting it at home. That's not to say she needed it from me; I was just someone to 'talk about it with'. In response, I suggested she and her H 'needed to see a marriage counselor'. She was a relative anomaly amongst the MW's I've known. Most focused on emotional intercourse. One bizarre twist of the 'norm' was one MW having sex with another guy, fµcking my mind and being supported by her cuckolded H who was apparently still having sex with her (her words). I was quite young and naive at the time, so 'believed' MW patter, in her case about the 'horrible, abusive marriage'. Interesting world.
Frogwife Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Part of the appeal of an affair is the taboo aspect and the more scummier a person is the more taboo it is. These people have a misguided concept of rebellion. My husband is a roofer and I had affairs with a doctor, an art gallery director and professional musician - however the sex WAS super-fantastic and very taboo, so I will have to agree with that part! If my husband were to have found out, I would have definitely said they were losers that didn't mean anything to me.
Frogwife Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I wish my ex had an affair with a better man. That would explain a lot of things. As I said in another thread her OM was such a loser that my jaw dropped two miles to the center of the Earth. I think my self esteem would have taken a lesser hit if her lover had been a stud with a respectable profession.:laugh: I called OM and asked him to please come to my house and take my wife away. But the wife refused to go:laugh::laugh:. BTW, my wife never said OM was a loser because that meant she was a loser (for picking him). Cheaters are a strange bunch. BTW, just because a doc wants to have sex with you on the side does not mean a thing. It certainly does not elevate your status as MOW. However, I give you credit for having better taste than my ex. Interesting response - We're both doctors - that's how we met.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Interesting response - We're both doctors - that's how we met. and you as a Dr. (and female) married a roofer, whcih regardless of what you say is a cultural abnormality, and have cheated with men who were "intellectually superior" to your husband. I know that is a taboo subject, but am curious if that is why you cheated.......
Frogwife Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 A female doc married to a roofer. That is as blue collar as it gets. I am like you. I am also a top professional and was married to a housewife with one year of junior college. This was all about cake eating------------no different than you. BTW, she is a good woman, but her need to receive adoration, attention, and admiration was better received from someone beneath her. She needed some form of worship that i could not provide because she felt unworthy. Life is strange. I completely agree it's not normal... I was stating my occupation and my husband's in response to what I understood as the idea that affair partners are often of "lower value" that the husband or wife. My husband started a 50-hour-per week Playstation habit that destroyed our marriage. After almost 18 months of no sex with him, I looked elsewhere. Words like "worship", "adoration" and "admiration" are not applicable in my case. I just very h*orny and looking for excitement.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 I think the doc was missing something that the roofer could not give her. Just as my ex was missing a form of worship that I could not provide because she saw me as her superior. Worship needs to come from below. But interested to hear her take. Was it passion/taboo/sex or intellectual. I know my spouse and I argue way too much as equals and not a power imbalance. No cheating here, but makes at times for a tougher relationship then those with the socio-economic or taking it further experience/inexperience or where there is an attractiveness/fitness difference.
Frogwife Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 But interested to hear her take. Was it passion/taboo/sex or intellectual. I know my spouse and I argue way too much as equals and not a power imbalance. No cheating here, but makes at times for a tougher relationship then those with the socio-economic or taking it further experience/inexperience or where there is an attractiveness/fitness difference. The socio-economic level has nothing to do with it for me... I loved (and love) my husband regardless of jobs status of pieces of paper on a wall. He's funny, sexy, a hard worker and other good qualities. I am constantly hearing about how 'different" we are - mostly from French people (I'm American, my husband is French) but for me, I dated all types before getting married and it's not big deal either way. With the "other men" in my life - none of whom are married - it's ALL about the sex and sexual chemistry... with one in particular, we explore things I never in my wildest dreams thought I would do (and I've had a pretty 'adventurous' love life). Certainly, I find them smart and interesting but I have no relationship with any of them outside of our get-togethers. We meet for sex, have a great time and that's that. I go one with my life, they go on with theirs and the next time we meet, we meet. The other doctor I met at a meeting not related to my work and we have no professional contact. I will say this - the sex has been so good and so liberating (my husband would berate my body, etc) that I have not been able to have sex with my husband since commencing with these affairs about seven months ago. I feel emotionally and physically blocked and I can't connect with him. This is something that causes me a lot of problem (which is one of the reasons I ended up at LS) because I really, really want to reconnect with him and he has been making so much effort to be a better husband (stopped gaming, etc). I am new to these online forums and but I understand "threadjacking" - I don't want to do that - so if anyone would like to start a different thread or something, I would be glad to discuss it further. There seems to be a lot of "other women/men" and "betrayed spouses" but not a lot of "wandering spouses" - from what I have gathered - so if this perspective is of any help to anyone, I would be glad to share. I've learned a lot here.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 lack of sex that a male searches (not a one-night accident) and has an affair. Very few men ar having sex at home + an affair outside narcissists and serial cheaters.
Kidd Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Frogwife, just be careful what you wish for. The Infidelity forum on this site is positively brutal for betrayed spouses that even consider reconciling with a wayward spouse. They will eat you alive. But maybe that's what you need. What you are doing to your husband is a despicable, disrespectful, hurtful, selfish thing. You should have left the marriage or at least had the conversation before you strayed. You had vows to him in this regard and no amount of video gaming justifies what you have done. You should be ashamed and take steps to redeem yourself.
StoneCold Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Frogwife, just be careful what you wish for. The Infidelity forum on this site is positively brutal for betrayed spouses that even consider reconciling with a wayward spouse. They will eat you alive. But maybe that's what you need. What you are doing to your husband is a despicable, disrespectful, hurtful, selfish thing. You should have left the marriage or at least had the conversation before you strayed. You had vows to him in this regard and no amount of video gaming justifies what you have done. You should be ashamed and take steps to redeem yourself. From the looks of it he seems to be guilty of the same thing
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