Sugarkane Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I feel so discouraged at the moment. Meanwhile I've tried seeing other people and nothing has come out of it. I posted about both guys on here and it just brought more heartache. Luck just hasn't been on my side at all lately. I can't even meet someone through others e.g my cousin is engaged and because he's in a serious relationship, all his friends are couples and hooked up. Not one of tehm is single.
wilsonx Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 everyone i know is getting broken up with / divorced / separated.
wilsonx Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 also stop trying so hard... just go out and have fun and enjoy life
Renard99 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 friends are couples and hooked up. Not one of them is single. I feel that! I'm off to the fourth wedding of the year so far next week and there are more still to come. Wedding fever has hit my friends all of a sudden!
angie16 Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 i'm in the same boat. EVERYONE of my friends is in a serious relationship or engaged. i can't even get a date.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Homebrew- I'm not obessed with marriage at all. My parents are conversative and think you have to be married to do anything [leave home, buy a house etc] and I don't. I don't just care about a guys "resume" and if he would be a good husband/ father or not. Far from it. My point is its hard not to feel down when everyone is doing these things and nosy friends and family are asking you, why its not you aswell. I find it hard not to be a bit jealous of someone who hasn't even been through a bad breakup and is happily in love BS.
amethyste Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 everyone i know is getting broken up with / divorced / separated. Same here. Since I don't wanna get married, or have babies, I guess this was never a problem for me. If your friends are getting married & having babies it doesn't mean for sure that they're truly happy, or that it's gonna last forever; what I mean is that marriage (+kids) isn't a guarantee for a succesful relationship. Anyway OP, I get your point, but I don't think there's much you can do about it.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 I'm not obessesd with getting married. I just want to know why my cousins have settled down. What makes someone want to even marry young? Meanwhile I struggle to find someone my age who wants anything more than sex.
shadowofman Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Same here. All these babies and wedding make me want to puke. But they are my friends and I have to be supportive (teeth clenched).
penguinman77 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do that ?. Just be happy that you are a man, and you have your whole life to have babies, and maybe even date someone much younger, without worrying about a biological clock ...wait, you are a man aren't you ?
Duckduckgoose Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Oh God... they all getting married at the same time means they'll all get divorced around the same time too. I know that sounds so horrible, but it's the honest truth... If you expand your horizons you will see that not everyone is getting engaged/married/having kids right now. I know people from all walks of life that I wouldn't have met had I not got divorced. Not that I recommend divorce but yeah.
Renard99 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I think some people are getting the the wrong idea of what some people are saying. For me, I meant that, previously, women were coming in and out of the group as the dynamic changed through our early years.. now, with everyone getting married the group has stabilised and very few, if any, new faces appear, meaning the opportunities to meet potential dates has diminshed rapidly. It just makes things that much harder. I'm not trying to find a date, it would be nice just to have the opportunity though I didn't mean it that I must catch up with these friends and get married quickly.
mtd4249 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Sugarkane, don't worry ... The right person will come along. As Phil Collins said, "you can't hurry love", and you will find a guy with the goals and values as you who will treat you right. Maybe you need to look in Tassie! lol
mtd4249 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 PS. Do you feel your life is incomplete and happy without marriage?
Author Sugarkane Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 No but I can't help but think "why not me" sometimes. Why have they had success relationship wise and I haven't. Like what am I doing wrong? People do judge you though. Like in the dating forum there was a single 33 year old woman. People judged her that she must have been doing something wrong, to still be single with no children at that age.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 And also like the if a guy is single and over 30, there must be something wrong with him thread.
Eeyore79 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I don't just care about a guys "resume" and if he would be a good husband/ father or not. Far from it. If you're looking for a lasting relationship, why wouldn't you care whether a guy would be a good husband and father? Surely that's important if you hope to one day get married and have kids - if he has no potential for that then aren't you just wasting your time? I always consider whether a man would be a good husband and father, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Why should I be ashamed that I want to be with a decent, supportive, loving man who's trying to build a good life for himself and who shares my goals of wanting a family one day? Obviously I wouldn't date someone just because he measures up well as father material - we also have to have stuff in common, have fun together, have great sex, etc. But I don't see why it's wrong to consider whether a guy has potential for marriage in the future; to me it just seems sensible to choose someone who would be a good partner in the long term. My point is its hard not to feel down when everyone is doing these things and nosy friends and family are asking you, why its not you aswell. I find this really hard too, especially as I get older. I have friends who are younger than me, who are already divorced with two kids. I'm not envious of their divorce, but I do feel kind of left out because everyone seems to have had the whole marriage and kids thing already, and some are even divorced while I haven't even been proposed to yet! Also I'm past 30 and my biological clock is ticking - I understand why it's telling me to hurry, but I don't really see what I can do about it, because I can't make a man propose to me! The hard part is that you can't make it happen - it's not like other things in life where you can set a goal and work towards it. Relationships and marriage are entirely random; you either meet a partner or you don't, he either proposes to you or he doesn't, but either way it's pretty much out of your hands.
Woggle Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Marriage should be because you love the person and not because you want to be part of the crowd. That kind of thinking should be left behind in high school. It's this same mentality will cause some to get a divorce because all their friends are doing it.
Eeyore79 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Marriage should be because you love the person and not because you want to be part of the crowd. That kind of thinking should be left behind in high school. It's this same mentality will cause some to get a divorce because all their friends are doing it. This is very true. I know a few guys who proposed at the same time, and subsequently left their wives at the same time. Following the crowd is never a good idea. I don't think that this thread is about wanting to be part of the crowd though. Most people want marriage at some point, and it does make you feel sad when it's happened for everyone else but not for you; you kind of feel like the unlucky one. I don't want to marry just to fit in with the crowd - I want to have a loving relationship which leads to marriage, and other people wanted the same thing, only they got their wish and I didn't. It's like everyone wants to win the lottery, and if everyone else won except me then I'd feel sad - not because I want to fit in with them, but because we all had the same wish and it came true for everyone except me.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks Eeyore thats what I was trying to articulate. But problem is even getting married to someone, doesn't stop them from dumping you and leaving you completely out of the blue either.
Graceful Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 And also like the if a guy is single and over 30, there must be something wrong with him thread. Are you serious? I don't read the dating forum very often, but a thread like that? This might be a matter of geographic area of where you live, but there are plenty of men well into their thirties where I live who are single, and there is nothing wrong with them. They've just been unlucky at love, it happens. This might also mean they've been in a LTR during their years in their twenties, and it ended. That's the way it is for many of the men on LS who were in a LTR and found themselves abandoned. You know, sometimes you can't win. Have a guy say he's getting married in his twenties, and he's going to be asked if he's really ready, if he's sown his wild oats, etc., and people telling him he's too young. He's hits thirty, and now he's made to think there's something wrong with him because he's still single. What's a guy to do? Hang in there, Sugarkane. Timing is everything. Some of us just don't have great timing, but we'll get there. Don't get discouraged. Your timetable might be different from the people that you know, but that's okay. If you're on a slower track, so be it. Some of the best things in life don't come easily or quickly.
Woggle Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 This is very true. I know a few guys who proposed at the same time, and subsequently left their wives at the same time. Following the crowd is never a good idea. I don't think that this thread is about wanting to be part of the crowd though. Most people want marriage at some point, and it does make you feel sad when it's happened for everyone else but not for you; you kind of feel like the unlucky one. I don't want to marry just to fit in with the crowd - I want to have a loving relationship which leads to marriage, and other people wanted the same thing, only they got their wish and I didn't. It's like everyone wants to win the lottery, and if everyone else won except me then I'd feel sad - not because I want to fit in with them, but because we all had the same wish and it came true for everyone except me. I understand but you said that some of your friends younger than you who are divorced with two kids as if that is some kind of accomplishment. It is much better to be in your position.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 No but I can't help but think "why not me" sometimes. Why have they had success relationship wise and I haven't. Like what am I doing wrong? People do judge you though. Like in the dating forum there was a single 33 year old woman. People judged her that she must have been doing something wrong, to still be single with no children at that age. When you are alone and have to complain about it, but wont even approach your possible faults, you are doing something wrong. You can "why me" all you want, but youre not clueless, you have to know what the problem is. Your ex and his friends all dumped you, your sister doesnt want to hang with you, and your good friends for years dont invite you to fly up interstate, and allegedly your whole family twists everything around on you. When no one wants to be with you, the only problem is you. Not only that, Ive never seen anything of you admitting any kind of mistakes, misteps, or possibly bad behavior with any of your cases. Youve never asked what you can do to correct mistakes, because youve never admitted fault of any kind, youre always the victim. People here can easily see through that, and know not to help you because you dont want help, you just want attention. You can ask why me all you want, but until you stop asking "why", and start admitting what youve been doing wrong, youre going to be alone for.... ever. No one can tell you what youre doing wrong, until you start admitting what youre doing wrong.
Eeyore79 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I understand but you said that some of your friends younger than you who are divorced with two kids as if that is some kind of accomplishment. It is much better to be in your position. At least someone wanted to marry them, and they experienced the whole engagement and wedding thing, and they have kids. I haven't had a wedding, and nobody has ever wanted to have kids with me. My divorced friends aren't in the position of having ticking biological clocks because they had everything already. Obviously I don't want to go through a divorce, but I feel like I'm lagging behind in terms of life experiences and time is running short to have kids. I'm more jealous of the friends who are happily married with a home and a family, because I'm light years away from having that, and pretty much all of my friends either have that now or have had it in the past.
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