FORGIVEBUTNOTFORGET Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) My best friend, who was cheated on by her x-husband, was recently caught cheating on her current husband. I want to be there for her and be a good friend during this painful time for her ( her husband left and is filing for separation/divorce), but I am having a hard time feeling any sympathy for her at all. I can't understand how she could do this, knowing first hand the pain infidelty causes. Her first husband got his mistress pregnant, and she was destroyed over it for years. I asked her how she could do this to her husband,her reply was that she was tempted by OM, weak ,and not thinking during her affair ( lasted 6 months with a mutual friend of all of us ). I want to understand how someone who has been hurt this way, could turn around and do the same thing to another person. I want to understand so I can be a good friend to her during this terrible ordeal. Her husband won't even take her phone calls right now ( d-day was only a month ago ). He has already retained a lawyer. I feel she is getting what she deserves, but I also feel guilty for feeling that way, because she is my friend, who made a terrible choice that she can't take back. If any one has any insight on this, please respond. I see a pattern of people who were cheated on, cheating in future relationships a lot, and just want to understand why. Thanks. Edited June 25, 2011 by FORGIVEBUTNOTFORGET Spelling error.
Author FORGIVEBUTNOTFORGET Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Mr. Harris, I so agree. I was cheated on is a previous relationship. I left my cheater right then and there and vowed to never make another feel as I did when I found out. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around why others can cheat so easily. Thanks for your comment.
Oneofall Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Mr. Harris, I so agree. I was cheated on is a previous relationship. I left my cheater right then and there and vowed to never make another feel as I did when I found out. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around why others can cheat so easily. Thanks for your comment. I must agree with Mr.Harris also. I'm trying to cope with my own wife's infidelity. It's hard every day trying to deal with the images of her and another man having sex, doing things she never did with me and enjoying it. I couldn't live with myself if I cheated.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Mr. Harris, I so agree. I was cheated on is a previous relationship. I left my cheater right then and there and vowed to never make another feel as I did when I found out. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around why others can cheat so easily. Thanks for your comment. Honestly, I think it is a couple of things working together. I really think part of it is when people want revenge, but can't hurt the person who hurt them... so they find someone innocent to take out their hurt feelings on. Additionally it normalizes the behavior and in some cases leaves the BS curious about how great it may feel to try it as well. What does this lady do for you as a friend? Is she there for you? If not... I'd boot her as a friend.
imagine Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Everybody has the potential to cheat. Rejection requires discipline. The guilty party neglects the promise of marriage -self takes over. The consequences are disastrous. There is a time to quit. Definitely not by cheating. Unfortunately, many cannot be honest enough to confess their abstraction of desire from one person to another. We have become emotional liars. "To thy own self (and spouse) be true." Shakespeare misquoted.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 She is making her current husband pay for the sins of the first one.
carhill Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Yep, paying it forward, except in an unhealthy way. OP, did the friend ever receive psychological counseling/MC in her prior dynamic? IME, such was very helpful in clarifying the 'why' and providing tools to act and react in healthier ways. If she hasn't tried it, maybe now would be a good time. Welcome to LS
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